I guess I can't say it's the worst nickname ever, as I went to high school with a couple of guys who had nicknames that I can't even repeat here. But as far as NFL nicknames go, the one that John Abraham is attempting to bestow upon Michael Turner is not a good one.

Falcons defensive end John Abraham might have created a marketing opportunity for running back Michael Turner without realizing it. With Turner off to an impressive start in his first season in Atlanta (366 yards, 59 yards, 5 TDs), Abraham decided he needed a nickname - and figuring that Jerome Bettis was successful as "The Bus," he dubbed Turner "The MARTA." The MARTA, of course, is the Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority, which the 2-1 Falcons are hoping to ride to victory.

The MARTA, huh? That's pretty good. But before we start printing up the t-shirts, are we sure we've explored all the avenues here? For example, have we considered The Lucille? The Susan? The Yolanda, perhaps? The Pretty Little Girl In Pigtails?

I appreciate your enthusiasm, John Abraham, but come on. You can't give an NFL running back a girl's name as a nickname, I don't care what the public transportation system in Atlanta is called.

There's a reason that Craig Heyward became Ironhead Heyward, and not, you know, Beatrice Heyward. Darryl Johnston was Moose Johnston, not Molly Johnson. Bronislau Nagurski became Bronko Nagurski, not Nanette Nagurski.

Good try, but let's keep thinking on this one.