Shutdown Corner

That overpowering stench of death in the Jets locker room? Oh, never mind that. It's just a rotting animal carcass that Brett Favre stuffed into a bag and put in Eric Barton's locker. From The Fifth Down:

Favre is notorious for shenanigans involving lockers, and since his arrival to the Jets in August, the tradition has apparently continued. The latest victim? Barton.

Barton could not remember whether it happened last week or the week before. Nor did he know exactly what kind of dead animal Favre shot (presumably), bagged and dumped inside Barton’s locker.

Some teammates believe it was a wild turkey, but regardless, they all gathered around Barton’s locker and engaged in fits of laughter. The dead animal was inside a bag that was filled with blood and guts.

A wild turkey? That's not a bad guess. I think it was Ken O'Brien.

Whatever the unidentified murdered beast, I guess it's a good sign for the Jets. It's like that old saying ... you know you're starting to feel at ease around someone when you feel comfortable enough to kill an animal, put it in a bag, and stash it among their personal belongings. In his own special way, this is Brett fitting in.

Gracias, Sports by Brooks. 

Some websites had this line listed at Baltimore -3, which didn't sound right, but I went with it because I believe everything I read on the Internet. I wrote up a little blurb about the game and thought that was that. But it wasn't. Unable to fathom how the Ravens could be favored by three over an undefeated team, I re-checked some more reliable sites and discovered the correct line. The blurb was shelved, but I liked the picture so much that I decided that keeping it was worth boring you with that story. I apologize for nothing.

Huh?: Buffalo (+1.5) at Arizona

Some places have this at Buffalo +1.5, others have it as a pick 'em. You say 'tomato', I say 'Brett Favre just threw for six TDs against the Cardinals, so wager judiciously'.

This bodes well for Ralph Nader: Cincinnati (+16.5) at Dallas; Kansas City (+10) at Carolina

It's the season of the little guy. (No, not Bob Costas.) Through the first four weeks of the year, the two biggest weekly underdogs are a staggering 7-1 against the spread and 6-2 overall. Last week, the two big dogs -- Washington and Kansas City -- both won their games outright. Kansas City won't be able to run all over Carolina, but they could easily keep it within ten. As for Cincinnati, well, don't underestimate the spread-beating wonder that is the garbage-time touchdown pass.

There are now zero valid reasons to watch this game: Atlanta (OFF) at Green Bay

Aaron Rodgers will be game-time decision for this one, which has forced Vegas to take the game down from its board. They give, I think, way too much credit to Aaron Rodgers.

NBC's Today Show has been the #1 ranked morning television program for the past 663 weeks. The NFC East's four-week run atop these rankings is a tad less impressive, but not by much. (Cumulative division record in non-division games listed in parenthesis. Previous week's rankings are also included.)

1) NFC East (8-1, #1)

As if the teams in the East weren't good enough, their divisional matchup rotation pits the Cowboys, Eagles, Giants and Redskins against the AFC North and NFC West, the two worst divisions in football. That's bad news for the rest of the conference.

2) NFC South (7-3, #2)

Atlanta's 2-2 is a mirage that should quickly fade to 5-11, but each of the other three NFC South teams are primed for a playoff run.

3) AFC South (3-3, #3)

It feels like the Colts have fallen off the face of the earth, sort of like that Marvin Harrison shooting story.

4) AFC East (6-2, #5)

Brett Favre throwing six TDs against the Cardinals is about as impressive as Rutgers putting up 38 against Morgan State.

5) NFC North (3-8, #6)

Only the bye week -- the sweet and merciful bye week -- could prevent the Lions from another loss.  Chicago looked impressive yet again in their win over Philly. The 2-2 record isn't gaudy, but both wins were solid (at Indy was the other) and each of the losses came in the final minutes against good teams.

6) AFC West (3-4, #4)

Pictured above: JaMarcus Russell (L) and Dwayne Bowe make predictions about how many wins their team will have this season.

7) AFC North (1-4, #7)

Baseball is a timeless sport. Someone who watched Babe Ruth play could go to the Twins/White Sox game tonight and would be able to follow the action without a problem. Conversely, the changes in football have been so vast that the offensive game of today barely resembles that of yesteryear. Except in the AFC North, of course. 

8) NFC West (2-7, #8)

In four games, the Rams have scored 13 fewer points than the Jets did on Sunday.

Photo via Getty Images

• According to FOX's Jay Glazer, Brady Quinn, despite all the talk that he might get inserted into Cleveland's line-up sometime soon, saw no increase in his reps this week. Nothing at all changed, according to Quinn. His EAS commercial is still running, though, and he still looks fantastic.

• It's the first week where we have some teams on bye, which, to me, is a melancholy occasion. There are fewer games, a more shallow fantasy roster, certain groups of fans that stay home.

• Carson Palmer says there's nothing much wrong with his elbow, but Dr. Boomer Esiason (the best name for a doctor since Doogie Howser) thinks there might be something more to it. Boomer thinks the Bengals are underplaying the effects, and that surgery could be in his future. Lending credence to Dr. Boomer's theory is that Carson Palmer isn't playing today. According to Jay Glazer, he's the third quarterback.

• The Jets are wearing their throwbacks this week; the dirty blue and mustard colored things that they last regularly wore when they were the New York Titans and Brett Favre was but a rookie. Favre's playing, too, if you had any doubt about that.

• No one will be playing with a heavier heart today than Matt Bryant, kicker for the Tampa Bay Bucs. The Bryants lost their three-month-old son earlier in the week. I can't imagine what he's going through.

In case you needed further proof of the Browns' awfulness: Cleveland (+3.5) at Cincinnati

I'm good at two things, and predicting the weekly NFL lines is the other. This week I was within one point on each of the 13 games, except for this one, which I missed by 5. The outlier last week was Carolina at Minnesota, a game which Vegas had right. Translation: Expect Cieveland to drop to 0-4 and get ready for Quinnamania in The Forest City.

Beware the underdog: Washington (+11) at Dallas; Denver (-9.5) at Kansas City

The two biggest favorites last week not only failed to cover, but each failed to win the game in regulation. The Giants needed overtime to get past the lowly Bengals, while the Patriots -- well, we all know what happened to the Patriots. (Not having Tom Brady is a major blow, of course, but does anyone else get the feeling that his injury will deflect blame from a rapidly aging defense this season?) This week, the big favorites on the board are Dallas and Denver. Can the Redskins and Chiefs duplicate the successes of Miami and Cincinnati? Both are good candidates to spring the upsets; Washington is a solid playoff contender getting points because they're playing on the road and Vegas was sure to give Dallas an extra point or two to keep the wagering split. Plus, I sort of get the feeling that after two weeks of Philly and Green Bay, Dallas is due for a let-down. As for the Chiefs, Denver gives up a lot of points. The only problem is, Kansas City can't score them.

Is that for points or Brett Favre references by Kornheiser?: Baltimore at Pittsburgh, 34.0 O/U

In the previous two Monday night games, the over/under has been topped by halftime.

Photo via Getty Images

Every Wednesday, Shutdown Corner brings you a list of things that may have happened previously in the NFL, but will not be happening again.

Don't Count On ...

... Trent Green not seeing the inside of an emergency room sometime in the next seven days. The St. Louis Rams, in one of those "I guess we should make it seem like we're doing something" moves, have benched quarterback Marc Bulger in favor of Trent Green.

Most of the talk about the move is about how Bulger's proven that he's a quality NFL quarterback, and that on the list of Rams problems, Marc Bulger ranks somewhere between too much salt on the soft pretzels in the concession stands and a cheap brand of fabric softener being used on the team's laundry.

And I'd agree with all of that, but that's not what concerns me right now. What concerns me right now -- and I know this is selfish of me -- is that I don't want to witness Trent Green's death. I've seen this, and I've seen this. I've seen Trent Green strapped to a gurney a couple more times than I'd have liked to in this life, and if it's at all possible, I'd like to save some Rams equipment manager the trouble of having to hose Trent Green's gray matter out of his helmet.

Trent Green possesses the most fragile quarterback noggin since LaVar Arrington tuned up Troy Aikman. And this Sunday, he'll step behind an offensive line that couldn't protect a triple bacon cheeseburger from Calista Flockhart. I feel like the Rams are making a Faces of Death video.

I'm not up for this. I don't want to see Trent Green wheeled off into an ambulance again. Save everyone the trouble, Rams, and just put a crash test dummy under center. It's not like your offensive output is going to decline.
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Before every NFL Sunday, Shutdown Corner will take a look at the point spreads of select games. But be forewarned -- this is not a handicapping column. Be thankful for that. Last time we went to Vegas, we took the advice of Wesley Snipes and bet it all on black. Unfortunately black proved to be San Diego Padres manager Bud Black and his team now has one of the worst records in baseball.

Oddsmakers clearly have a higher opinion of Gus Frerotte than you do

Carolina (+1) at Minnesota

The Panthers won their first two games against top-notch competition, and will be getting All-Pro WR Steve Smith back after a two-game suspension for punching a teammate. They're facing an 0-2 Vikings team that will be starting 37-year old Gus Frerotte at QB. Vegas still likes the Vikes though, in a somewhat-surprising line reminiscent of last week's Saints-Redskins spread.

The Pats would still be giving a touchdown even if Matt Lauer was their QB

Miami (+12.5) at New England

Are those 12.5 points a vote of confidence for Matt Cassel or an indication that the Dolphins will be just as abysmal as last season? We say it's a little from column A and a little from column B.

If Ed Hochuli was reffing this game, it'd be Jets -3

New York Jets (+9) at San Diego

At first, nine points seems like a lot to give the Jets (especially considering that this game will be played on Monday night, and we all know how much fun Brett Favre has on Monday nights). But then you consider that San Diego should have beat Denver on the road, while the Jets barely escaped a pitiful Miami team and will be traveling cross country to play a desperate team playing for its season. When you think about all that, the line makes a lot more sense.

Photo via Getty Images

Every Wednesday, Shutdown Corner brings you a list of things that may have happened previously in the NFL, but will not be happening again.

Don't Count On ...

... Tarvaris Jackson keeping his job much longer. Finally, Brad Childress sounds like he's not crazy-glued to the idea of Tarvaris Jackson as his starting quarterback. And I'm glad to hear it, because frankly, if Childress had carried on with his "Tarvaris is our guy, we're very confident in him, blah blah blah" shtick for much longer, he'd have been putting himself dangerously close to Al Davis-like levels of irrationality. 

Jackson's been his pet project, he wants to develop him, and he wants him to succeed. That's great. I'm glad he's taking an interest. And if we were talking about the Miami Dolphins here, there would be no problem. 

But the rest of that roster is primed to win right now, and it's not fair to make them all play with a 230-lb. albatross out of Alabama State hanging around their necks. The fact is that against the Colts, the Vikings got 160 ground yards from Adrian Peterson, they completely shut down the Colts running game, they held to Colts to 321 yards of total offense, they led by 15 points late in the 3rd quarter at home, and they still couldn't close. 

The Vikings had four offensive drives in the 4th quarter. These drives lasted 2:20, 3:21, 1:34, and 0:35. The four drives produced a total of 47 yards and zero points. If even one of those drives had been successful -- if even once Tarvaris Jackson had been able to come up with the big completion on third down and keep the clock rolling -- the Vikings probably wouldn't be staring at 0-2 right now.

Now, don't get me wrong; it's not like I'm pointing at Gus Frerotte and saying, "Gus is our ticket to the Super Bowl!" I'm not inclined to point at Gus Frerotte and offer anything more resounding than, "Eh, I guess it can't hurt." Even just two weeks into the season, though, I think it is fair to point at Tarvaris Jackson and say, "We're not accomplishing much with this guy steering the ship."

And that would absolutely be the right thing for Brad Childress to do.
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Last night's wild Monday night affair between the Eagles and Cowboys confirmed two things: First, Tony Kornheiser's attempts at humor are about as feeble as his attempts at broadcasting. More importantly though, the NFC East was firmly established as the best division in football, by far. But if the East is the tops, where do the other seven divisions stack up?

1) NFC East

In the past two seasons, members of the NFC East have grabbed both conference wild card berths, which is pretty remarkable considering the four teams spend six games per year beating up on each other.

2) AFC South

Indianapolis seems to be on the decline, but Jacksonville, Tennessee and Houston (yes, Houston) are all playoff contenders.

3) NFC South

All but the top two divisions have at least one stinker; Atlanta brings up the rear in this group, but the other three teams have a realistic shot at the postseason.

4) NFC North

It speaks to the lack of depth in other divisions when one that includes Detroit is in the top-half of the rankings.

5) AFC East

Some might have this division ranked higher, but some must not have watched that Patriots/Jets game. (It's amazing how a last-second victory over a 1-15 team in week 1 convinced the masses that Brett Favre and the Jets were a legitimate playoff contender.)

6) AFC West

Denver is on the rise and San Diego isn't as bad as their record indicates; the Chiefs and Raiders, are, however.

7) AFC North

Cincinnati is abysmal, Cleveland is overrated and Baltimore has a QB battle raging between Troy Smith and Joe Flacco.

8) NFC West

I'd rank 20 NFL teams ahead of any squad from this pathetic division.

Photo via Getty Images