Go ahead, search for "Anthony Smith" online.
Other results include an 81-year-old author, a television minister, a wedding photographer, a Yale professor whose specialty is something called "dynamic general equilibrium macroeconomics," and a New York artist who claims to "use abstract painting to explore complex and indefinite moral positions."
And then there's Steelers safety Anthony Smith.
He explored a simple and definite position this week: "People keep asking me if we're ready for the Patriots. They should be asking if they're ready for us." Smith then added, "I can guarantee a win."
This of course led to thousands of people asking "Anthony who?"
Or as someone recently put it on Yahoo! Answers, "Why can't I find an Anthony Smith Fathead?"
Clearly, you can't. You'll probably have a better chance finding a Fathead of that Yale economist than the Pittsburgh safety.
Smith is a talented player and a big hitter, but he's not the sort of guy who can single-handedly deliver a win. If he were, the Steelers obviously would have beaten the Patriots today.
What Smith did accomplish on Sunday was to pass virtually all other Anthony Smiths in terms of notoriety.
How did he do it? Well, first there was the four-yard Randy Moss touchdown in the first quarter. Smith entered the frame late and might have gone unnoticed, except that Tom Brady charged into the end zone to trash-talk him – and in a more animated way than we're accustomed to seeing Brady do anything.
On the Patriots' next possession, Smith bit on a run fake and Moss found himself completely alone downfield for a 63-yard touchdown. Moss walked across the goal line.
Then there was the 32-yard Jabar Gaffney reception late in the first half. Smith launched himself into Gaffney over the middle, but bounced off harmlessly while Gaffney kept going.
And then there was the flea-flicker New England ran in the third quarter, which seemed designed specifically to embarrass the opposing team's safeties. Brady threw behind the line of scrimmage to Moss. Understandably, the Steelers ran to him … but Moss threw back across the field to Brady, who heaved the ball 56 yards to Gaffney. He made the catch just over Smith's outstretched hand.
Late in the fourth quarter, New England fans began a simple chant: "GUARANTEE … GUARANTEE … GUARANTEE!"
So congratulations, Anthony Smith. You're totally famous. At least that's guaranteed.
• After being thoroughly embarrassed by Adrian Peterson last week, Kenoy Kennedy came out and buried Julius Jones at the end of the Cowboys' first play from scrimmage. He did it following a 7-yard gain, though. Then Shaun Rodgers jumped offside, giving Dallas a first down.
• Josh McCown gets away with a completely foolish throw on 2nd and 8. Sometimes you'll hear that a quarterback threw off his back foot; McCown actually threw off no feet as Aaron Kampman drilled him. Atari Bigby had a shot at the interception, but couldn't hold on. Oakland was lucky that their first possession ended with a punt.
• Ryan Grant's first three carries went for 12, 7 and 19 yards. Oakland didn't exactly master that stop-the-run thing between Weeks 13 and 14.
• Terrific blocking by the Eagles on Brian Westbrook's 18-yard first quarter touchdown reception. That's not the first time this season he's taken a short pass to the end zone, and gone largely untouched doing it.
• T.J. Duckett finds the end zone on a 32-yard run, and Ken Hamlin just wanted no part of him near the goal line. The Lions picked up 63 yards rushing on their opening drive, which might be more than they've gained on the ground in a month.
• Nick Collins isn't fooled at all by a Raiders' counter-pitch, as he decisively tackles Justin Fargas for a 2-yard loss on fourth down. In the NFL, that play seems to work against the Bears and basically no one else.
• Sweet play-action by Jon Kitna on the goal line. And what a terrible time for the Lions to discover that tight end Sean McHugh only has a seven-inch vertical leap. The drive ends in a Jason Hanson field goal, and it's 10-0 Detroit. It should have been 14-0, though.
• There's just no stopping Rudi Johnson. If you give him five carries, he'll give you at least 6 yards. Rudi has a 1-yard touchdown against the Rams in the first quarter, rewarding anyone who happens to still be alive in their league despite spending an early draft pick on him.
• Reggie Williams scores on a 22-yard reception, climbs into the stands in Jacksonville to celebrate, and … well, it's clear that the home fans have no idea what to do with him. They're hitting him tentatively, almost petting him. Many are clearly afraid to cross the line between vigorous and soft-core celebration. Packers fans are much better prepared for this sort of encounter. They just hit the pads, and with all the force they can manage.
• Marion Barber takes a pitch, bounces outside a terrific block by Marc Colombo, and goes 20 yards for a touchdown. Despite averaging only 13.5 rush attempts per game, Barber entered Week 14 as the No. 8 running back in public league scoring. He's making a solid case to be a late first round pick in 2008 drafts.
During a recent Yahoo! Sports webcast, Michael Silver, Cris Carter and Jason Cole discussed the possibility that Miami is the worst team in NFL history. Based on the first 15 minutes Sunday, you'd really have to say that the answer, unequivocally, is yes. Incredibly, the Dolphins have lost six of their games by exactly three points. Many of those games were back in the glory days of Ronnie Brown, however, and another happened in the muck in Pittsburgh. When you take away Brown, Chris Chambers, Trent Green and Zach Thomas from a team that already wasn't very good, you're really left with a mess.
• Jerry Porter makes an extraordinary TD reception on a ball thrown almost directly to Packers' cornerback Al Harris. It looked as if Atari Bigby actually dislodged the ball from Harris, allowing Porter to come away with the touchdown.
• The latest victim of the Marion Barber stiff-arm of fury is Gerald Alexander. Yikes. Barber shoved Alexander about five yards along the sideline to pick up a first down with 0:33 left in the first half, trailing 20-7. On the next play, the Lions blitzed pretty much everyone and Tony Romo made an astonishing throw to Barber for his second TD.
• OK, now all those Lee Evans owners are feeling better. He just caught a 9-yard touchdown. That's three TDs for Trent Edwards today.
"That was about as blatant a pass interference call as you're going to see," says Joe Buck, "and they don't throw a flag."
• Andre Davis makes one big move, then finds a gear that Tampa's kick coverage doesn't seem to have. He takes the second half kickoff 97 yards to the paint, and the Texans lead the Buccaneers 21-7. After a penalty, a decent Michael Clayton kickoff return and a 31-yard completion to Alex Smith, Tampa gets the football at the Houston 38. Three plays later, Earnest Graham gets his second rushing touchdown of the game. That's his fifth straight week with a TD.
If you predicted an epic duel between Sage Rosenfels and Luke McCown, you're getting just what you expected.
• Here's the Packers' second drive of the second half against Oakland, straight from the Yahoo! box score:
Jennings, who was 11th in the Yahoo! composite WR rankings this week, has become an almost unfair weapon for Favre.
• It's clearly a game that Miami lost a long time ago, but Samkon Gado just scored his second rushing touchdown for the Dolphins. That's seven carries for 42 yards for Gado, who's almost completely unowned in Yahoo! leagues (0.2 percent).
• Didn't think we'd see these 10 words all season: Detroit just scored their third rushing touchdown of the day. Kevin Jones gets in from three yards out and it's 27-14, Lions.
• Atari Bigby gets a pick late in the third quarter against the Raiders, and returns it for an apparent touchdown. But Cullen Jenkins is flagged for a personal foul for blocking the (expletive) out of Josh McCown on the play. As the referee was announcing the call, his mic picked up Jenkins screaching, "I BLOCKED HIM!"
While I completely understand the spirit of this rule, Jenkins didn't go helmet-to-helmet and McCown sure appeared to be pursuing Bigby. He may have been a defenseless-looking quarterback, but he was also a would-be tackler. Tough call.
• And there's Barber's third touchdown of the game, a 1-yarder. With 14:21 remaining in the fourth, Terrell Owens has three receptions and 21 yards. Jason Witten's having a great day, with nine catches for 82. Witten has also revealed a few moves that we didn't know he had – just ask the well-juked Ernie Sims.
• Steve Smith has accounted for more than half of Vinny Testaverde's passing yards, but Vinny's still under 100 in the fourth quarter. No idea why DeAngelo Williams can't oust DeShaun Foster, who's off to another perfectly useless 40-something yard fantasy day.
• And now Lee Evans owners – assuming there are Evans owners in the playoffs – are ecstatic. He gets a 70-yard score in fourth quarter, Edwards' fourth TD pass of the game. That's two receptions for Evans, which you might have predicted, and two touchdowns, which few of us imagined.
• In the fourth quarter in Tennessee, LenDale White, despite his various dislocations and lacerations, is over 100 rushing yards. He and Chris Brown both have a touchdown, overcoming a miserable passing effort by Vince Young.
• Plaxico Burress hasn't had a game this useful to fantasy owners since Week 1. He finishes with seven catches, 136 yards and a TD.
• Carson Palmer with a pretty fair Brock Berlin impression in the rain in Cincinnati – and that's clearly not a good thing for Palmer owners. He finishes 21-for-29 with 189 passing yards and two interceptions. Neither QB threw for a touchdown, unless you count Fakhir Brown's interception return TD. The big fantasy days here belong to Shayne Graham (four field goals) and Rudi Johnson (23 carries, 92 yards, one TD). Terrible day to rely on Bengals and Rams.
On fourth and 6, Marion Barber picks up the first down.
And with 18 seconds left, Romo hits Witten for a 16-yard touchdown. Ballgame. Cowboys win 28-27.
• LaDainian Tomlinson ends it in overtime for San Diego, scoring his second touchdown of the game with 7:29 left in OT. Tennessee led this game 17-3 in the fourth quarter … and then they didn't.
• Randy Moss makes a brilliant 16-yard catch over Ike Taylor in the first quarter. On the next play, Laurence Maroney and a swarm of linemen rush for 10 yards, and Moss delivers a shot to Taylor at the end. Minutes later, Moss catches his 18th touchdown of the season, beating double coverage. Anthony Smith was a late arrival to the play (see above).
• Beautiful 32-yard touchdown reception by Najeh Davenport, shortly after a 30-yard Willie Parker run. The Patriots offense is otherworldly, but their defense looks pretty much like they did last week: a little old.
•Selvin Young gets the start and all the early yards for Denver – 143 rushing yards and 11 carries in the first half – but Travis Henry gets the first quarter touchdown. Mike Shanahan is doing this because he's disgusted by you, personally. He's repulsed by you and the entire fantasy community. Stop bothering him.
• Two fairly surprising things are happening in the Browns-Jets game: 1) Laveranues Coles and Jerricho Cotchery are both playing, and 2) the Jets really haven't done a thing against Cleveland. That defense has given up a ton of passing yards (258.4 per game) and touchdowns (27) this season, but nothin' today.
• As I write this, three of the five afternoon games are 27-7, and looking like total routs. Minnesota, Seattle and Denver are just shellacking their opponents. Chester Taylor has 99 yards and a brilliant touchdown run on only six carries against San Francisco, while Adrian Peterson somehow has 10 carries for 2 yards; Matt Hasselbeck is shredding the Cardinals, with TD passes to Nate Burleson, Bobby Engram and Deion Branch; Jay Cutler is … whoops, OK, now that one's 34-7. Cutler just threw his third touchdown pass of the game, the most recent of them a 2-yarder to Daniel Graham. Tony Gonzalez has 56 receiving yards and a touchdown for the Chiefs.
• Tom Brady is sitting on the Patriots bench having just thrown his fourth touchdown pass, his team ahead 31-13 … and he's angry about something. There's just no way that a team led by such compulsive perfectionists is going to rest anybody in the final weeks, ever.
• Kurt Warner ultimately had a miserable game, throwing five interceptions on Sunday against the Seahawks, including one that was returned for a touchdown. And yet Warner still had an excellent fantasy day: 337 yards, three touchdowns, 20 public league fantasy points.
• It just wouldn't be a Cleveland game if it didn't come down to the final seconds. The Jets scored three times in the final three minutes of the fourth quarter, but Jamal Lewis scored once. That 31-yarder may have been the run of the day; Lewis brushed off Jets like they were so many gnats. Cleveland wins 24-18.
• LaDainian Tomlinson and Philip Rivers declared their love for one another in a postgame press conference. This was necessary because Tomlinson didn't seem fond of his quarterback earlier in the day, stomping off when Rivers put his lunch tray down at the jocks' table.
- Anthony Smith