A friendly reminder that Game 7 of the World Series will be played Nov. 5.
If the races aren't a little closer in the next week or so, perhaps Bud Selig would consider starting the playoffs 10 days early.
If not, it wouldn't hurt if we all rooted for global warming, just for the coming month. Hey, it's the World Series.
1. New York Yankees (94-53; Previous: 1) – Baseball chooses not to punish A-Rod for steroid situation, however, would like to know more about stapler missing since he came in for questioning.
2. Boston Red Sox (86-58; Previous: 4) – They're so far in Angels' heads, Red Sox know what Angels are thinking before Angels do. For example, right now Scioscia's beginning to form opinion on Fuentes throwing a strike occasionally.
3. Los Angeles Angels (86-59; Previous: 3) – Angels play a game in New York before heading to Boston. On relaxing Amtrak trip up coast, offense opts to ride in Quiet Car.
4. Philadelphia Phillies (84-60; Previous: 5) – Philly papers poll readers' choice of ninth-inning options, surprised when write-in candidate Kyra Sedgwick finishes just behind Madson, well ahead of Lidge.
5. St. Louis Cardinals (85-62; Previous: 2) – Pujols says, “I'm not a home-run hitter.” Goes on to say Pope quite possibly of non-Catholic persuasion, bear relieves himself typically in deforested urban areas.
6. Los Angeles Dodgers (88-59; Previous: 7) – After his 30th home run and sixth walkoff hit of season, he's not just Ethier, he's Ethiest.
7. Texas Rangers (80-65; Previous: 6) – MLB line of credit allows Rangers to sign Latin players, though Hicks admits card with Selig image kind of embarrassing at 7-Eleven.
8. Colorado Rockies (83-64; Previous: 8) – Rockies can't hit Lincecum's fastball, Zito's curveball, but pretty sure they could handle McCovey's ceremonial first pitch.
9. San Francisco Giants (79-67; Previous: 10) – Penny beats Dodgers on Sunday, spoons with Bowa after early dinner and "60 Minutes."
10. Florida Marlins (78-68; Previous: 11) – Fish management announces it won't raise ticket prices next season; in small print reveals it will field an all-volunteer team.
11. Detroit Tigers (78-67; Previous: 9) – Constant beeping in downtown Detroit startles citizens, relieved to learn it's merely sound of local ballclub backing into playoffs.
12. Atlanta Braves (77-68; Previous: 17) – Braves shut down Pujols and Cardinals, consider auctioning staff to Phillies and Dodgers for October.
13. Minnesota Twins (74-72; Previous: 14) – Twins annoyed by losing to inferior teams. On bright side, there appear to be fewer and fewer of those.
15. Chicago Cubs (75-69; Previous: 15) – Urlacher texts, “Season is over.” Cubs defiantly play on.
16. Tampa Bay Rays (73-73; Previous: 12) – Rays had their year. Devo, Billy Ray Cyrus, Baha Men can totally relate.
17. Chicago White Sox (72-74; Previous: 16) – And so do the White Sox (See: Cubs.)
18. Milwaukee Brewers (70-75; Previous: 19) – Sunday is Doug Melvin bobblehead day at Miller Park. Ask him if Macha will be asked back next season and see which way his head goes.
19. San Diego Padres (66-81; Previous: 20) – Pads win six consecutive series, ask league if they can roll those over into next season.
20. Houston Astros (70-76; Previous: 18) – Oswalt gets club-record 16th no-decision, also having trouble lately choosing outfits, sometimes wishes he'd opted for the fish at lunch, and, you know, maybe should have taken surface streets to ballpark.
21. Oakland Athletics (67-78; Previous: 21) – A's fans love this time of year, when the air turns aromatic and the sunsets go orange, mostly because the Raider fans are setting all those car fires. Still, it's pretty.
22. Toronto Blue Jays (66-80; Previous: 24) – Bad news: Wells getting killed by fans. Good news: Jays drawing 11,000 a night, so ear-plugged, “La-la-la” usually works.
23. Cincinnati Reds (67-79; Previous: 23) – If it could see these Reds, Big Red Machine would roll over in its recycling center.
24. Arizona Diamondbacks (64-83; Previous: 22) – D'backs get to thinking only thing less forgiving than NL West is Kanye West.
25. Baltimore Orioles (60-85; Previous: 27) – New schedule comes out, Angelos crestfallen to learn Yankees, Red Sox still on there.
26. Kansas City Royals (58-87; Previous: 28) – Hillman says Royals should not be judged solely on wins and losses because scouting department and farm system are getting better and, oh, damn, just shoot me now.
27. New York Mets (63-83; Previous: 25) – Mets out on Sept. 14, must admit it's a lot less painful this way.
28. Cleveland Indians (61-84; Previous: 26) – Neck and neck for week: Sizemore surgeries vs. Tribe victories.
29. Pittsburgh Pirates (55-89; Previous: 29) – Capps accuses Astros batter of colluding with first base coach to get catcher's signs, saying, “I'm set and he's not even looking at me. That tells me all I need to know.” Batter, Miguel “Ol' Bird Eyes” Tejada, says that's ridiculous.
30. Washington Nationals (50-95; Previous: 30) – Riggleman contends Nats not the worst team in baseball; we'll defer to Urlacher on this one.