Props to the Red Sox, who in these trying economic times not only maintain their own high-end franchise, but figure out a way to own the Yankees too. Week 11:
1. Los Angeles Dodgers (40-21; Previous: 1) – Dodgers' bats go soft, Manny says not to worry, he's got just the thing for that.
2. Boston Red Sox (35-24; Previous: 3) – Ortiz told eyes are fine, though doctor can't explain why Papi's birth certificate still reading a little blurry.
3. New York Yankees (34-25; Previous: 2) – The good news: Burnett fine against all but one team. Bad news: Um, yeah, it's the Sox.
4. Philadelphia Phillies (34-23; Previous: 4) – Rollins philosophizes, "You're always a leadoff hitter, no matter where you are." Manuel says that's fine, he can do it from the six hole.
5. Detroit Tigers (33-26; Previous: 7) – Tiger Stadium to be knocked down after all; city holds lottery to name person who gets to shove it over.
6. Milwaukee Brewers (33-26; Previous: 5) – Hall batting average at .208, OPS at .625, but has plan: "My plan is to start hitting." There you go then.
7. New York Mets (31-26; Previous: 8) – Pending Supreme Court justice Sotomayor blows ankle at nearby La Guardia, out-of-habit Mets place her on 60-day DL and recall David Souter.
8. Texas Rangers (33-25; Previous: 9) – The funniest thing, this weekend Padilla threw a party and it hit Teixeira in the ribs.
9. Toronto Blue Jays (34-27; Previous: 10) – Relievers now know why he's called Halladay; whenever he pitches, they get one.
10. St. Louis Cardinals (31-27; Previous: 6) – Cards swept by Rockies; La Russa tells players, "Whatever you do, don't get depressed," maybe wishes he'd phrased that a bit differently.
11. Chicago Cubs (29-27; Previous: 11) – Zambrano claims he'll retire after this contract; clubhouse manager takes note, puts off repairing Gatorade machine until then.
12. Cincinnati Reds (31-27; Previous: 12) – Reds lead NL with 24 sacrifice bunts at home, or as that's known around town, 24 times they had absolutely no chance for a hit in one of the great hitters' park in the game.
13. Los Angeles Angels (29-28; Previous: 14) – Lackey (his 6.61 ERA) hints team is "different" (his 6.61 ERA) these days (his 6.61 ERA), but won't say how (his 6.61 ERA). We'll break it down and get back to you.
15. San Francisco Giants (31-27; Previous: 21) – Bonds' wife files for legal separation, AT&T Park fans erupt into standing ovation for misunderstood husband.
16. Atlanta Braves (29-29; Previous: 15) – In just a few months, organization manages to offend Smoltz and Glavine; Wren dispatches mail-room attendant to Vegas golf course to heckle Maddux.
17. Minnesota Twins (30-31; Previous: 17) – Mauer expected to show up on leaderboards on or around July 11, his cologne (a woodsy, vanilla scent with a hint of pine tar) two or three days before that.
18. Florida Marlins (29-32; Previous: 18) – Dizzy Cantu comes off high-cholesterol medication; now second on club in OPS, first in LDL.
19. Seattle Mariners (29-30; Previous: 20) – M's set team record with eight consecutive games allowing three runs or fewer, offense keeps them in most of those games.
20. Chicago White Sox (27-33; Previous: 16) – Ozzie publicly welcomes prospect Beckham ("Now he's here, I hope he can save us.") who bats a hundred in first week.
21. San Diego Padres (28-31; Previous: 22) – One of dangers in becoming even an occasional pitcher: Shortstop Wilson batting .105, OBPing .190.
22. Oakland A's (26-32; Previous: 26) – Cust home run against O's so high, Braden says, "I had time to run to the bathroom and come back and he was still at third." Only possible because Braden is A's No. 1 starter.
23. Houston Astros (26-31; Previous: 23) – Cooper asks Oswalt to "step up," locals begin to wonder when Cooper will step down.
24. Colorado Rockies (27-32; Previous: 29) – Rockies get on winning streak, revive Rocktober, wish they could think of something more catchy than "Rock-tracy."
25. Kansas City Royals (25-33; Previous: 19) – Royals fans were hoping this was the year draft day wasn't the biggest day of the season. Sadly …
26. Cleveland Indians (26-35; Previous: 25) – Tribe draft two Kyle Smiths; if this goes well, next year plan to select three or four Bob Fellers.
27. Pittsburgh Pirates (27-32; Previous: 24) – Players can't believe management would break up team by trading McLouth, hope it doesn't wreck season, kill organizational momentum, damage attendance.
28. Arizona Diamondbacks (25-35; Previous: 21) – Reynolds begins introducing himself as Mark, "with a K."
29. Baltimore Orioles (25-34; Previous: 28) – Wieters starts to heat up, almost ready to carry franchise for 15 years.
30. Washington Nationals (15-42; Previous: 30) – Alert fire chief uncovers management scheme to burn down ballpark, use insurance money for Strasburg.