I'm thinking if Albert Pujols(notes) were a baseball team all by himself, he'd rank somewhere after the Reds and before the Astros on this list. Joe Mauer(notes) would go ahead of the Dbacks, Indians and Nats.
1. Los Angeles Dodgers (50-29; Previous: 1) – Manny due back Friday; Dodgers forgiving, really hope he wasn't on same stuff as A-Rod.
3. New York Yankees (45-32; Previous: 4) – Club lowers expectations on Wang, now happy when he can throw ball all the way to catcher on fly.
5. Los Angeles Angels (42-34; Previous: 9) – Saunders bombed again in Texas, tells reporters, "Maybe you guys can figure it out for me." Ball writers suggest more beer, less exercise, '80s wardrobe.
6. Milwaukee Brewers (42-36; Previous: 7) – Brewers 0-4 against pitchers making their big-league debuts. Cubs activate entire Triple-A staff for four-game weekend series at Wrigley.
7. Texas Rangers (42-35; Previous: 10) – Byrd goes deep three times in two days, Victor Conte whispers, "Ixnay on the ome-runs-hay."
9. San Francisco Giants (42-35; Previous: 12) – Dodgers hear footsteps, not surprised to learn it's Sandoval walking over to Fisherman's Wharf.
10. St. Louis Cardinals (42-38; Previous: 5) – Cards add DeRosa, mull Holliday. Where are the Cubs? Do they have any idea this is happening?
11. Toronto Blue Jays (42-38; Previous: 6) – Werth hits ball into fifth deck at Rogers Centre. When fan throws it back, has passport stamp on sweet spot.
12. Philadelphia Phillies (39-36; Previous: 8) – Rollins benched, admits Manuel making it tougher and tougher to lead off.
13. Colorado Rockies (41-37; Previous: 18) – Rockies have their big month, ready for playoffs to start. What?
14. Florida Marlins (41-39; Previous: 14) – Andrew Miller(notes) loses in match-up with fellow former Roger Clemens(notes) Award winner David Price(notes). Both, however, required to submit DNA samples following game.
15. New York Mets (38-39; Previous: 11) – Who's grunting more right now, Mets or Wimby women?
17. Chicago White Sox (40-38; Previous: 21) – Piniella dogs Sox fans, confronts Bradley. Guillen goes after Wrigley, calls it nothing but a bar. Zambrano melts down. In most towns, that's quite a summer. In Chicago, it barely qualifies as a full Sunday.
18. Cincinnati Reds (39-38; Previous: 17) – Ramon Hernandez(notes) receives Most Outstanding Player trophy for the Ohio Cup. Seriously. There's a Most Outstanding Player trophy for the Ohio Cup. And, oh, there's an Ohio Cup.
19. Chicago Cubs (37-38; Previous: 15) – All things considered, maybe Cubs need to take a deep breath, settle down, mellow out. Uh, Geovany?
20. Seattle Mariners (39-38; Previous: 19) – Strip club going up near Safeco after all, three Mariners request paychecks in singles.
21. Atlanta Braves (37-40; Previous: 20) – Escobar charged with questionable error, curses official scorekeeper from field, pouts for a few pitches. Remember when the Braves seemed like they were getting too old?
22. Houston Astros (37-39; Previous: 22) – Berkman begins a sentence, âIf I was managing the team …,â and nothing good can come of this for Cooper anymore, unless the rest of the sentence is, "… I'd feel pretty damned good about myself right now." Wasn't.
23. Baltimore Orioles (35-43; Previous: 23) – Rally from nine runs back against Red Sox really very exciting. Rally from 13 games back looks like it might come up a little short.
25. San Diego Padres (34-43; Previous: 27) – Padres host Dodgers homecoming, starter Chad Gaudin(notes) wonders if he has the stuff to get Manny out. You know, fastball, slider, heightened testosterone.
26. Oakland A's (33-44; Previous: 24) – Production of Moneyball shut down, Beane offers to remake entire book through interpretive dance.
27. Kansas City Royals (33-44; Previous: 26) – Boras' car vandalized outside Newport Beach restaurant with object that sounds like a baseball bat. Royals off hook, haven't hit anything for weeks.
28. Arizona Diamondbacks (31-48; Previous: 28) – Dbacks hold team meeting, wasting another 30 minutes that should have been used for batting practice.
29. Cleveland Indians (31-49; Previous: 29) – Wedge takes a long look at Indians' logo, snaps, "What the hell you smilin' about?"
30. Washington Nationals (22-54; Previous: 30) – Nats fans not sure who gets advantage in trade with Pirates, assume, however, winner to be team that sends away Hanrahan.