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Power Rankings: Texas can take the heat

Tim Brown
Yahoo Sports

New York Yankees lose CC Sabathia and Andy Pettitte within hours, consider building single pitcher with parts from both.

The rankings (records through Wednesday's games):

Texas
1. Texas Rangers (47-29; Previous: 4) – It's been so hot in Texas, Nolan Ryan has appeared slightly uncomfortable. I said "slightly."


New York
2. New York Yankees (46-28; Previous: 3) – "Little Jerry Seinfeld" alarmed to discover Joe Girardi's binder is actually a cookbook.


Los Angeles
3. Los Angeles Angels (42-33; Previous: 10) – Mike Trout hats become rage at Angel Stadium, draw hundreds of feral cats.


Washington
4. Washington Nationals (43-30; Previous: 1) – Nats need to consider what shutting down Stephen Strasburg at 160 innings will do to their offense.


San Francisco
5. San Francisco Giants (43-33; Previous: 6) – Undercover police officers posed as Dodger fans at AT&T Park, but blew their cover when spotted in their seats for first pitch.


Los Angeles
6. Los Angeles Dodgers (43-33; Previous: 2) – Dodgers blow 7½-game lead in a month, pretty sure the Red Sox did it with more style.


Baltimore
7. Baltimore Orioles (41-33; Previous: 7) – Orioles' defense only slightly better than Sandusky's.


Cincinnati
8. Cincinnati Reds (41-33; Previous: 9) – Aroldis Chapman pulled over and ticketed for what officers termed, "a rolling stopper."


Boston
9. Boston Red Sox (40-35; Previous: 19) – Youk goes from Red Sox controversy to presidential campaign issue, happy to be out of public eye for a while.


Tampa Bay
10. Tampa Bay Rays (40-35; Previous: 5) – In hindsight, Joel Peralta believes pine-tar beard and mustache weren't nearly discreet enough.


Atlanta
11. Atlanta Braves (40-34; Previous: 11) – So he can maintain his current schedule, Chipper Jones considers post-baseball career in politics.


Chicago
12. Chicago White Sox (40-35; Previous: 8) – White Sox fan Obama loves Kevin Youkilis, both hoping to improve against righties.


Pittsburgh
13. Pittsburgh Pirates (39-35; Previous: 12) – Pirates understand reluctance to believe they are for real, only wish people would quit poking at them in public places.


St. Louis
14. St. Louis Cardinals (40-36; Previous: 17) – Mike Matheny should have known better than to call in double-switch from Texas Rangers bullpen phone.


New York
15. New York Mets (40-36; Previous: 14) – Man named Byrdak put in charge of mascot acquisition, buys chicken. Damn good thing they didn't go to R.A. Dickey first.


Arizona
16. Arizona Diamondbacks (37-37; Previous: 18) – Miguel Montero claims D-backs hitters are "raking machines," which makes the groundskeeper very nervous.


Toronto
17. Toronto Blue Jays (38-37; Previous: 16) – Jays sign Jamie Moyer, who, with the exchange rate, is now closer to 41.


Cleveland
18. Cleveland Indians (37-37; Previous: 13) – Indians get raw deal in New York on less-than-generous call by third-base umpire Peter Minuit.


Oakland
19. Oakland Athletics (37-39; Previous: 23) – In lieu of new ballpark study, A's conduct environmental impact report on clubhouse hamper, just to stay in practice.


Detroit
20. Detroit Tigers (36-39; Previous: 20) – Tigers add Harrah to big-league staff, want him to know hitters backward and forward.


Philadelphia
21. Philadelphia Phillies (36-41; Previous: 21) – Noam Chomsky, Kevin Bacon, Bill Cosby, Louisa May Alcott, Alexander Haig, the Dead Milkmen, The Mayflower Madam, Cliff Lee: Famous Philadelphians who this season haven't won a game for the Phillies.


Miami
22. Miami Marlins (35-40; Previous: 14) – Marlins so bad the aquarium fish are ashamed to come out from behind little toy pirate ships.


Kansas City
23. Kansas City Royals (34-39; Previous: 27) – Manager Ned Yost, asked why the offense has come around, responds, that's the "$64-million question." The Royals' payroll? Yeah, $64 million.


Milwaukee
24. Milwaukee Brewers (34-41; Previous: 22) – Things so rough in Milwaukee, Bernie Brewer now registers at hotels under name "Mr. Met."


Seattle
25. Seattle Mariners (32-45; Previous: 25) – Felix Hernandez only a few losses from serious Cy Young contention.


Houston
26. Houston Astros (32-43; Previous: 26) – Astros consider removing train from ballpark. The caboose will stay for sentimental reasons.


Minnesota
27. Minnesota Twins (30-44; Previous: 24) – Reports from team golf outing say rookie Scott Diamond did not hit a single fairway.


Colorado
28. Colorado Rockies (28-46; Previous: 28) – Rockies, on why they'd go with a four-man rotation: because three would be just silly.


San Diego
29. San Diego Padres (27-49; Previous: 30) – Anthony Rizzo, grinning, on being the Cubs' savior: "I was the savior last year, too."


Chicago
29. Chicago Cubs (26-49; Previous: 29) – Theo learning that Chicagoans believe patience and a long-term plan is a good idea. Right up until the third beer.


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