Since brevity is a word that doesn't exist in the Noise's vocabulary, your comments, questions and vitriolic derision will run separately from Thursday's flames/lames column from this point forward. Bring the noise, fools!
Hey Noise, I read your advice and your hilarious writing every week. I usually find something that makes me laugh every time. I was reading the new Noisemakers column and the part about Deion Sanders was hilarious: "Several Scottish kilts lost their lives for Prime Time's plaid sleeveless suit." Keep up the great work, you have some of the funniest and most original sports writing. Thanks. – Matt, San Francisco, Calif.
Hey, all I can say is, "wow." Okay, I suppose I should say more so you understand what exactly I am wowing. Busting out Deion Sanders lyrics as you skewered bitter fantasy wanna-bes was truly amazing. Kudos to the Noise – keep bringin' it. – Matt, Working in a Cube, Mass.
Your Noisemakers column had my girlfriend laughing so hard and she doesn't have a clue who all the football players are, but your reference and "witty banter" broke her Ivy League/ Energy Company Finance Department mind out of Calculus III homework stress. Outkast, Deion's Gator shoes, Shaq/Nas, and classic "affectionate" descriptions of players started a conversation after her "silent treatment." Thanks, Brad! P.S. – one of her co-workers said he could not play fantasy football this year because he wanted to stay married, but sharing columns like yours makes it look like I'm reading stats, stock options and the New Economist! Thanks, Brad! x 2– Mike, Houston, TX
Noise: The Noise is always here to help nourish relationships between the fantasy community and those who think the Flex position is a Thighmaster exercise .
Mike, to ensure the fantasy information you're reading is cloaked by economic jargon, here is a simple supply and demand description, sans multi-colored charts with parabolic lines. When consumer demand for Bengals decreases,
off-the-field incidents involving handcuffs, pepper spray and Tasers, waiver wire availability of said players increases.
Hey, Brad, is Matt Cassel going to be a top 10 QB in the second half of the season?– John, Tempe, Ariz.
Noise: Unless Cassel forges an intimate relationship with a Brazilian lingerie model, drenches his neck in Stetson cologne and dimples his chin with the blunt end of a screwdriver, he will not finish anywhere close to the QB second-half top ten.
Cassel's confidence does appear to be growing. Bill Belichick has found creative ways to get Randy Moss more involved in the offense, which has spurred the inexperienced signal caller's fantasy value. Since Week 5, he's completed 65.4 percent of his passes and averaged an impressive 228.5 passing yards and 1.3 touchdowns per game. But despite his advancements, he's nothing more than a serviceable quarterback who's only reliable when the matchup is very favorable.
Glancing at the Pats remaining schedule, he could be effective at crucial times this season. Matchups against the Jets (Week 11), Seahawks (Week 14) and Cardinals (Week 16) are appealing. Still, guys like Gus Frerotte, Chad Pennington and Marc Bulger will outpace him the rest of the way.
When gazed at, A-Rod's piercing blue eyes could dissolve
Noise: When the Rodgers versus Farve question was first proposed back in early August, 70 percent of the Y! community wanted to get comfortable in Mr. Wrangler's jeans. Descriptions calling Rodgers "unproven" and "injury prone" were fair attachments. Other comments took readers to a special place:
Post 60: "I'd bet money on Brian Brohm being inserted by Week 10 due to Rodgers' incompetence."
Post 66: "Rogers is a bum, his mother's a bum, his father's a bum and he will always be a bum. Favre is the greatest QB to put on a jersey. He took a long forgotten franchise and put them back on the map … I hope my opinion is clear."
Post 85: "Rodgers is going to fail miserably. The Packers defense and offense will win the games, not Rodgers. He is injury prone and untested. Rodgers is underrated and never going to be anything Favre is."
Post 88: "Can't wait to draft Brian Brohm. Rodgers will get hurt in the first quarter of the first game and be gone forever. He is nothing but a worthless back-up QB and will never be anything more."
Re-reading these, you would think Brohm was a cross between Bart Starr and Jesus.
As it currently stands, Rodgers is outpacing Broadway Brett 23.0 to 20.3 in fantasy points per game. Exit polls suggest the race is tighter but the student appears to have a commanding lead over teacher. Both quarterbacks have uneven schedules going forward. Farve has four matchups that could be deemed favorable – at NE (Week 11), at SF (Week 14) and at Sea (Week 16). Meanwhile, Rodgers has six tasty games – Chi (Week 11), at NO (Week 12), Hou (Week 14), at Jac (Week 15), at Chi (Week 16), Det (Week 17). Due to No. 4's susceptibility to turnovers, A-Rod should prevail.
In this one rare instance, the Noise's cajones escaped the chopping block. As a proud Rodgers owner in all five of my leagues, he's the instrumental reason why I'm a combined 32-8. You could say my man-crush for the stubble-faced passer is now full-blown stalker lust. Rodgers better seek a restraining order immediately.
Noise: Timmy, excretion should be done in an appropriate fashion. Port-a-potties, luxury buses, airplanes, heavily wooded areas where ferocious bears could be present and leagues with deep benches are not ideal places to release the Deuce. However, those in very shallow 10-team leagues may want to start exploring options on the running back.
Counter to McAllister's optimistic claims, he will likely be suspended four games for his positive "water pill" test. However, since his appeal will not be heard until mid-November, he's not immediately expendable. The Saints' next two opponents, Atlanta and Kansas City, have allowed a combined 5.4 yards per carry, 189.5 total yards and 1.8 touchdowns per game to backs this season. Assuming Deuce plays in both contests, he should be considered a strong RB2.
As for Frenchy Thomas, he will undoubtedly see an expanded role in the event Deuce is suspended. The anticipated return of Reggie Bush by Week 12 complicates matters, but it's very likely the PT Cruiser will revive his goal-line poaching role Weeks 12-15. Matchups against Green Bay (Week 12) and Atlanta (Week 14) would make him an upside Flex option in 12-team and deeper leagues. Thomas, dropped in over 2500 Y! leagues since Monday, shouldn't be discarded, yet.
Brad, for the most part, the weekly rankings you and the rest of the staff do are accurate and helpful when setting up lineups. However, I really have a problem with Todd Heap being ranked in the top 20 week after week. With the kind of production he's been having, he's less useful than a Heap of dog turd. Seriously, you have to stop letting the Y! community dictate whether you rank him or not. Hats off to Piano Man (Scott Pianowski) for not ranking him because he is definitely not top 20 talent!– Hawnlay, Cupertino, Calif.
Noise: More like, the constantly nicked tight end is less useful than a smoldering Heap of elephant dung.
You're absolutely right in your assessment that Heap's former brand-name label fools pundits. The dude is done, period. His wretched 2.0 FPPG average should deter any and every "expert" to rank him on a weekly basis, myself included. Hawnlay, I will heed your advice from this point forward.
The former elite TE1's fall from grace is very Shockey-like, minus the profanity and front office jabs. Since 2005, his yearly FPPG has steadily declined. What's noteworthy about his lack of production this season is that he's actually healthy. One would surmise that with a young quarterback he would be featured prominently, especially with Cam Cameron running the offense. However, because of the Ravens' smash-mouth style, he's been utilized more as a blocker than receiver.
Dicky may not agree, but the Noise sees nothing wrong with a little Curtis "Bump n' Grind"
Look, your point is well-researched and written. Curtis, the Chad Johnson of the NFC a year ago, is absolutely the epitome of boom/bust. But considering Reggie Brown's continued ailments and the Eagles' pass-happy offense, he's without a doubt "strong buy" worthy. Remember, DeSean Jackson is a rookie and typically young, relatively inexperienced players, eventually hit a mental and physical wall. Donovan McNabb, who expressed exactly that earlier this season in an interview with The700level.com, believes it will happen. With that in mind, it's certainly possible Curtis could become McNabb's go-to guy down the stretch. Yes, the Eagles are a "socialist/redistributionist" offense, but as long as Curtis nets roughly 7-9 targets per game (8.4 tgt/g in '07) he will at least be an above average WR3.
This week versus Seattle, he should be particularly useful. The Seahawks have allowed the third-most fantasy points to wideouts and the most 40-yard pass plays (7) in the NFL this season.
Hey Brad, I was wondering, have you ever received any feedback from an NFL player who actually plays and/or reads your fantasy columns and noticed his name on the "Lame" list? I could imagine that this could provide some extra motivation as there's had to be some players out there that have emailed you with a "take that!" or something a little more profane after crushing your projections? – Tim, Greensboro, NC
Noise: Tim, to my knowledge, no player has read or attempted to reach out to the Noise in regards to surly words or unkind forecasts. But last season my lame remarks indirectly motivated Adrian Peterson to break the single-game NFL rushing record against the Chargers and the Bengals to play dispirited defense against Cleveland in the Buckeye State shootout.
Maybe if I covered Jamal Lewis in vitriol it would launch him back into fantasy respectability. Then again, based on his shady past and intimidating team headshot, he looks like a dude who would fondly rip one's still beating heart from his chest, douse it in gasoline and light it on fire while the still conscious victim watched in terror.
- Deion Sanders