On the many Royals headed to Cincinnati, the Giants’ surge and Obama’s Twitter stiff of Cubs:
The rankings (records through Wednesday’s games):
1. St. Louis Cardinals (31-16; Previous: 1) – For All-Star campaign, Cards go with “Vote Matt.” Pretty much covered everybody.
2. Kansas City Royals (28-18; Previous: 3) – Figured there’d be so many Royal All-Stars with the game in the Queen City and all.
3. Houston Astros (30-18; Previous: 6) – Lance McCullers in Batman cleats, Matt Harvey with Dark Knight bats, doesn’t anybody want to be an astronaut anymore?
4. Washington Nationals (28-19; Previous: 9) – Bryce Harper’s main complaint about umpire Marvin Hudson: he clearly does not know the rules to The Hokey Pokey.
5. Los Angeles Dodgers (28-18; Previous: 2) – Don Mattingly so fed up with replay he won’t even watch “Friends” or “All in the Family” anymore.
6. Minnesota Twins (28-18; Previous: 11) – It’s fine if you wonder if Twins are for real, but they ask that you quit poking them with your fingers.
[More Twins coverage: Surprising Minnesota in tie for first in tough AL Central ]
7. San Francisco Giants (28-20; Previous: 13) – Giants have big month of May, admit they’re just trying to stay loose for 2016.
8. Detroit Tigers (28-20; Previous: 7) – Weird how Miggy wins the batting but loses the WAR.
9. Chicago Cubs (25-21; Previous: 8) – Obama joins Twitter, follows every Chicago team but Cubs, explains if he’d known the Cubs would be insulted he would have joined Twitter sooner.
10. New York Mets (27-21; Previous: 5) – Mets refuse to hit panic button, mostly because somebody got pine tar all over it and that stuff just does not come out of polyester.
11. Pittsburgh Pirates (24-22; Previous: 14) – Pirates hoping big run differential gets them into one of those fancy bowl games.
12. New York Yankees (25-22; Previous: 4) – Yankees do away with good-luck mustaches, explain they began to feel fatigued under weightier upper lips.
13. Tampa Bay Rays (24-24; Previous: 10) – Nobody figured the Rays would be so good. Even their ballpark is looking at them a little cockeyed.
14. Seattle Mariners (23-23; Previous: 19) – Mariners brass not concerned about Robinson Cano’s slow start. They’re not. Really. They’re not. It’s fine. He’s fine. He’s gonna be fine. OK, deep breaths.
15. Los Angeles Angels (23-24; Previous: 16) – Tardy after mistakenly believing team had night game, Matt Joyce benched and sentenced to the rest of his career dreaming about that huge final exam he forgot to study for.
16. Atlanta Braves (23-23; Previous: 22) – Braves move to trade infielder. Deal, however, very nearly Callaspo-ed.
17. Baltimore Orioles (21-23; Previous: 18) – O’s and Nats in TV dispute; Peter Angelos wants to watch “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” while Ted Lerner prefers “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” It’s messy.
18. Texas Rangers (23-24; Previous: 24) – Rangers attribute their recent success to Prince Fielder, Nick Martinez and plenty of mid-game Hot Pockets.
19. San Diego Padres (23-25; Previous: 12) – Coming up on a third of the season in, Matt Kemp has one home run. Padres would want their money back but, you know, they already are.
20. Arizona Diamondbacks (21-25; Previous: 21) – Possessing first pick in the 2015 draft, Diamondbacks defer to second half, will defend north end zone.
21. Cleveland Indians (21-25; Previous: 27) – Immediate plan is to have their season be relevant past Cavs’.
22. Chicago White Sox (20-24; Previous: 25) – White Sox seemed to be warming up. Could’ve been the comfy sox.
23. Toronto Blue Jays (22-27; Previous: 15) – California Gov. Jerry Brown asks Jays if state could please have Josh “Bringer of Rain” Donaldson back.
24. Boston Red Sox (21-26; Previous: 20) – Starters’ May ERA better by a run over April. At that rate, Sox could be very good by December.
25. Colorado Rockies (19-26; Previous: 26) – Rockies beginning to wonder where CarWent.
26. Cincinnati Reds (19-27; Previous: 17) – FCC reminds local television and radio stations they should not ask Bryan Price about losing streak.
27. Philadelphia Phillies (19-30; Previous: 30) – Ruben Amaro says fans “don’t understand the game.” Fans remind Amaro they have as many winning seasons in past three years as he does.
28. Miami Marlins (18-30; Previous: 23) – Jeffrey Loria notes that a marlin is not a flounder, but can’t deny that both do occasionally poop in the ocean.
29. Oakland Athletics (17-32; Previous: 28) – A’s like to think of ambidextrous pitcher Pat Venditte as a “farmhands.”
30. Milwaukee Brewers (16-32; Previous: 29) – Will Smith actually prefers to call it an “alien” substance.
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