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MLB Power Rankings: Red Sox are classy winners

Tim Brown
Yahoo Sports

On Rivera's haul, Magic's eye for the game, the butt slide, and the Blue Jays' season on the Rob Ford scale.

The rankings (records through Wednesday):

Boston
1. Boston Red Sox (92-61; Previous: 3) – Red Sox give Rivera a scoreboard placard, an old stadium seat, a bullpen rubber, bunch of other stuff. Now have room in shed for that new mower.


St. Louis
2. St. Louis Cardinals (89-63; Previous: 8) – Cards mull extent of wild-card celebration. A conundrum, given the town's already been painted red.


Los Angeles
3. Los Angeles Dodgers (87-65; Previous: 1) – Magic convinced the Dodgers will win this thing, as long as they give no silly fouls and make their free throws.


Oakland
4. Oakland Athletics (89-63; Previous: 6) – Game of Monopoly becomes all the rage in A's clubhouse. Cool thing: Whenever somebody lands on Luxury Tax, Hal Steinbrenner owes Lew Wolff $75.


Atlanta
5. Atlanta Braves (90-62; Previous: 2) – Unlike many clubhouses this time of year, Braves' still has that nice Beachy smell.


Detroit
6. Detroit Tigers (88-64; Previous: 5) – Beyond the constant danger of broken ribs from rigorous hugs, Don Kelly very pleased Jim Leyland cares so much for him.


Cincinnati
7. Cincinnati Reds (87-66; Previous: 10) – Reds say Phillips should be ready for playoffs after small outpatient procedure for Villar-ectomy.


Pittsburgh
8. Pittsburgh Pirates (87-65; Previous: 4) – Pirates players make strongest commitment to defense in team history. Management, of course, had been growing more defensive for years.


Tampa Bay
9. Tampa Bay Rays (83-68; Previous: 9) – Streaker in tighty-whiteys invades The Trop. Players really hope Maddon gets no ideas about next road trip attire.


Cleveland
10. Cleveland Indians (82-70; Previous: 12) – Fans to Indians: Really, it's not you, it's us.


Texas
11. Texas Rangers (82-69; Previous: 7) – Rangers swept on homestand, and now all their vexes live in Texas.


Washington
12. Washington Nationals (81-71; Previous: 15) – Forbes says Ted Lerner is baseball's richest owner, so obviously the World Series-or-bust thing didn't apply to him.


Baltimore
13. Baltimore Orioles (81-70; Previous: 13) – O's try to overcome slump with black jerseys. Didn't get any more hits, but did see spike in their Eutaw street cred.


New York
14. New York Yankees (80-72; Previous: 11) – All the gifts at Fenway were nice and all, but Rivera really was kind of hoping for a pony.


Kansas City
15. Kansas City Royals (80-72; Previous: 14) – Fat dancing guy clearly a glutton for punishment. Also for anything smothered in barbecue sauce.


Los Angeles
16. Los Angeles Angels (74-78; Previous: 19) – Angels make late run to save Scioscia's job. Or maybe it's Dipoto's job. Mike Butcher's? Aw, hell, they have no idea.


Arizona
17. Arizona Diamondbacks (77-74; Previous: 16) – If you were to grade out D'backs' second half, you'd have to give the shortstop a Didi.


San Diego
18. San Diego Padres (71-80; Previous: 21) – All things considered, if Padres were going to own another city, might have picked one with a more temperate climate than Pittsburgh.


San Francisco
19. San Francisco Giants (70-82; Previous: 24) – Bonds disappointed in obstruction penalty. Thought prosecutor should be awarded no more than one base.


Philadelphia
20. Philadelphia Phillies (71-81; Previous: 20) – Working way back, Halladay effective against Marlins. One more simulated game and he'll be good to go.



Toronto
21. Toronto Blue Jays (69-82; Previous: 18) – As far as season goes, Jays think it rated worse than Rob Ford smashes-into-TV-camera video but way better than Rob Ford might-have-smoked-crack video.


Colorado
22. Colorado Rockies (69-84; Previous: 17) – A happy retirement to Todd Helton, a good guy who spoke honestly and wasn't afraid to laugh at himself. He goes as the face of the Rockies. Well, him and Dinger.


New York
23. New York Mets (68-83; Previous: 22) – Jerry Seinfeld visits TV booth, admits that after all these years he'd now really, really like to be a Pirate.


Milwaukee
24. Milwaukee Brewers (68-83; Previous: 26) – Braun drops by clubhouse, is pretty sure he left his conscience around here somewhere.


Seattle
25. Seattle Mariners (67-85; Previous: 25) – Wedge, under doctor's orders to avoid stress, thanks club for thoughtfulness of 34 blow-out losses.


Minnesota
26. Minnesota Twins (65-86; Previous: 23) – Gardenhire three wins from 1,000. Mid-April sounds about right.


Chicago
27. Chicago Cubs (63-89; Previous: 27) – Jackson vs. Sveum might be closest to fair fight Cubs have had all year.


Chicago
28. Chicago White Sox (60-92; Previous: 28) – You know the White Sox don't actually wear white socks, right?


Miami
29. Miami Marlins (56-96; Previous: 29) – So, Beinfest could be fired by Loria for following orders given by Loria. Really, Beinfest should have known better.


Houston
30. Houston Astros (51-101; Previous: 30) – "Dancing with the 'Stros" charity event features owner Jim Crane doing the "Fandontgo (Please)."

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