On Al Gore, Bryce Harper's disappearing jersey, Korean piñatas, more Al Gore, Wrigley history and Jays fans:
The rankings (records through Wednesday):1.
Atlanta Braves (15-6; Previous: 1) – So, after all those years, turns out the anchor was Chipper.
Texas Rangers (14-7; Previous: 7) – From historical perspective, Berkman says Wrigley has "mainly been a place for people to go and drink beer." Like there's something wrong with that.
San Francisco Giants (13-9; Previous: 3) – Zito tells GQ his new hobby is "shooting firearms," teammates really hope he's got better command with that.
Boston Red Sox (14-7; Previous: 9) – Papi slays 'em with profane ode to city. Next Patriots Day, thinking he'll tell "Aristocrats" joke.
Baltimore Orioles (12-9; Previous: 11) – Chris Davis breaks bat over knee, but Showalter forgives him. Alternative was bat boy.
St. Louis Cardinals (13-8; Previous: 14) – Cards take three in D.C. or, as it's being sold in Hollywood, Olympus Has Fallen II.
Cincinnati Reds (13-9; Previous: 5) – Choo ties record with 10 hit-by-pitches in April. Excitement builds in Queen City, as next time he's hit candy comes out.
[Also: Yu Darvish reminiscent of MLB pitching legend]8.
Oakland Athletics (13-9; Previous: 4) – A's start due in large part to six wins against Astros, the Bernie Dance of big-league teams.
Colorado Rockies (14-7; Previous: 22) – Rockies' ERA better at home than on the road, and Al Gore's head just exploded.
Arizona Diamondbacks (12-9; Previous: 12) – D-backs management decides to release knuckler, draws straws on who gets to make Booty call.
Washington Nationals (10-11; Previous: 2) – After MLB auctions his opening day jersey without permission, Harper hurriedly Sharpies "Bernadina" onto rest of uniform.
Detroit Tigers (10-9; Previous: 8) – Hunter bumps into Angels owner at restaurant in SoCal, couldn't believe Moreno had ordered steak and lobster.
New York Yankees (11-9; Previous: 16) – Team security plays part in ejecting fans. From someone else's ballpark. In someone else's country. Seems they've taken this Yankees Universe thing a tad too literally.
Kansas City Royals (10-8; Previous: 10) – Royals introduced new iPhone app, allows fans to upgrade seats, enhance ballpark experience, erase from memory last 25 years.
Pittsburgh Pirates (12-9; Previous: 28) – Bucs believe this could be the year. It could. Seriously. What?
Tampa Bay Rays (10-11; Previous: 13) – Pregame clubhouse entertainment goes flat when it's revealed "DJ Fresh" was a heavily made-up and blinged-out Don Zimmer.
[Also: Here are five guys not worthy of a MLB All-Star vote]17.
Milwaukee Brewers (11-9; Previous: 26) – "Technically," umpire explains, "[Jean Segura] stole second, stole first, then got thrown out stealing second." End result: no more Red Bull for Segura.
Los Angeles Dodgers (9-11; Previous: 6) – In an effort to always be prepared, pitcher Fife keeps spare baseball in front shirt pocket.
Los Angeles Angels (8-12; Previous: 17) – City of Los Angeles examining legal strategies to return Angels to Anaheim.
New York Mets (10-9; Previous: 21) – Agent Boras calls Harvey-Strasburg matchup "Yahoo! vs. Google," so apparently we can thank Internet pioneer Al Gore.
Minnesota Twins (9-8; Previous: 24) – Inclement weather means Twins play four games in nine days, win them all, apply for membership in NBA.
Philadelphia Phillies (9-13; Previous: 18) – Phils trying to determine which Halladay will show up. Also, if it's Labor Day then Memorial Day or the other way around.
Toronto Blue Jays (9-13; Previous: 15) – Gregg Zaun on Jays fans: "They're getting drunker and drunker and drunker …" We're pretty sure that's a compliment in Canada.
Cleveland Indians (8-11; Previous: 20) – Francona reports Santana is "a little bit enfermo," which in Spanish means "raking." Or something.
Chicago White Sox (8-12; Previous: 19) – Rios, still getting booed in Toronto, seriously considers contracting out a few of those Yankee security guys.
[Fantasy: Which struggling L.A. outfielder will have the better season?]26.
Seattle Mariners (8-15; Previous: 23) – Mariners change shortstops. Also rearrange deck chairs.
Houston Astros (7-14; Previous: 29) – We'd just like to point out that the Astros did have a winning record in March.
Chicago Cubs (6-14; Previous: 25) – Hoyer states that Cubs are "painful to watch," which, as Berkman would attest, speaks to the going there and drinking beer part of their history.
San Diego Padres (6-15; Previous: 27) – In an effort to improve offense, Padres now making bats out of trust trees.
Miami Marlins (5-16; Previous: 30) – Stanton returns, immediately makes Marlins' lineup, well, taller.
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