MLB Power Rankings: Cards at top of the deck

Tim Brown
Yahoo Sports

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Matt Holliday and the Cardinals have swung their way to the top spot. (Getty Images)

On Braves’ lonely pain, the spoils of Miggy’s next Triple Crown, Rafael Soriano’s talented 4-year-old and lush third baseman trees.

The rankings (records through Wednesday):

St. Louis
1. St. Louis Cardinals (30-16; Previous: 2) – Man City to play Chelsea in an exhibition at Busch III. La Russa suggests batting goaltender eighth.


Texas
2. Texas Rangers (30-17; Previous: 3) – When Pierzynski had to go to disabled list, police had difficulty narrowing list of suspects.


Atlanta
3. Atlanta Braves (28-18; Previous: 5) – New clubhouse thing is T-shirts that read “Suffer in Silence.” Better than original idea: “Suffer in Succotash.”


New York
4. New York Yankees (28-18; Previous: 9) – Yankees reveal mix-up: Rivera not technically retiring, he’s being promoted to higher league.


Cincinnati
5. Cincinnati Reds (29-18; Previous: 12) – Chapman reportedly gorges self on pastries, then blows save, loses game. Apparently couldn’t resist that creamy Phillie-ing.


Pittsburgh
6. Pittsburgh Pirates (28-18; Previous: 11) – Bullpen goes by nickname “Shark Tank.” Personally, we prefer our fish Grilli-d.


Cleveland
7. Cleveland Indians (26-19; Previous: 15) – The Indians are in first place, so it must be May. Or 2007.


Detroit
8. Detroit Tigers (25-19; Previous: 4) – Miguel Cabrera seemingly on way to winning back-to-back Triple Crowns, automatically qualifying him for Iron Throne and a summer place on King’s Landing.


Boston
9. Boston Red Sox (28-19; Previous: 6) – Ortiz confirms that slump was due to oblique muscle of some tenderness, not oblique line of questioning from local columnist. Admits both are kind of annoying.


Baltimore
10. Baltimore Orioles (25-21; Previous: 1) – Pressure of previous No. 1 ranking gets to O’s. Fur of mascot – cleverly named The Oriole Bird – had started coming out in clumps.


Arizona
11. Arizona Diamondbacks (26-21; Previous: 13) – Corbin best pitcher no one’s heard of. Well, not no one. The Angels have.


San Francisco
12. San Francisco Giants (26-21; Previous: 7) – Vogelsong observes, “It’s not always sunshine and roses.” You’d expect more optimism from a guy whose name loosely translates to “birds singing.”


Colorado
13. Colorado Rockies (26-21; Previous: 8) – Fowler on Rockies clearing their heads during at-bats: “We try to leave the thinking up to [the media.]” Reporters stare back vacantly.


Tampa Bay
14. Tampa Bay Rays (24-22; Previous: 20) – Price allergies, including symptom of blurred vision, linked to Trop laundry chemicals. Performance clearly, um, hampered.


Oakland
15. Oakland Athletics (25-23; Previous: 16) – Organization prefers to be called “Athletics,” admits the whole Bartolo Colon thing has thrown people.


Washington
16. Washington Nationals (24-23; Previous: 14) – Soriano says his 4-year-old son could have made play Harper didn’t. Later reveals his 4-year-old son is Ron Swoboda.


Kansas City
17. Kansas City Royals (21-22; Previous: 10) – Yost will stick with Moustakas, reminds reporters, “There is no third baseman tree.” But if there were, he notes, Aaron Crow would have a nice place to stay.


Philadelphia
18. Philadelphia Phillies (23-24; Previous: 21) – Hamels declines comment after loss. Mother always told him, if you don’t have something nice to say, ixnay on the run support.


San Diego
19. San Diego Padres (21-25; Previous: 17) – Padres don’t believe in third baseman trees either. Actually still prefer trust trees.


Chicago
20. Chicago White Sox (21-24; Previous: 24) – Robin Ventura claims to have spent much of a difficult early childhood in a third baseman tree.


Los Angeles
21. Los Angeles Dodgers (19-26; Previous: 25) – In radical effort to maintain Kershaw’s strength, Dodgers announce pitcher will make next two starts right-handed.


Milwaukee
22. Milwaukee Brewers (18-27; Previous: 18) – Interestingly enough, Brewers still never lose when Greinke gets decision at Miller Park.


Minnesota
23. Minnesota Twins (18-25; Previous: 19) – Worley admits, “My ERA is killing me,” thinks maybe a couple Advil and a warm bath would do the trick.


Los Angeles
24. Los Angeles Angels (19-27; Previous: 26) – In sad way – granted, very sad – Corbin success in Arizona proves to Angels fans Dipoto does know something about acquiring pitchers.



Toronto
25. Toronto Blue Jays (19-27; Previous: 28) – Coincidentally, Bautista’s game-tying homer of Wednesday landed in same spot as Rodney’s invisible arrow of Tuesday.


Seattle
26. Seattle Mariners (20-27; Previous: 22) – After six-game losing streak to end road trip, Mariners sent to corner of country to think it over for a while.


New York
27. New York Mets (17-27; Previous: 23) – Mets can’t win. Now the Yankees are better at being plucky underdogs than they are.


Chicago
28. Chicago Cubs (18-27; Previous: 27) – Cubs hold players-only meeting, agree that now would be a good time to make a run for it.


Houston
29. Houston Astros (14-33; Previous: 29) – In worst scenario, if Reid Ryan doesn’t work out, Astros could always replace him with two 8-7 presidents.”


Miami
30. Miami Marlins (13-34; Previous: 30) – In preparation for future major-league expansion teams, either real or imagined, seriously considered ranking Marlins lower.


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