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MLB Power Rankings: A's home at No. 1

Oakland Athletics v Detroit Tigers
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It's high-fives all around for Alberto Callaspo, Coco Crisp and the A's. (Getty Images)

On Porcello going green, where Braves’ bats had been, and the Boss’ reaction to this Yankees team:

The rankings (records through Wednesday):

Oakland
1. Oakland Athletics (51-33; Previous: 1) – News item: A’s sentenced to 10-year lease extension at Coliseum. Sorry, that should read “agree to.”


Milwaukee
2. Milwaukee Brewers (51-35; Previous: 2) – Brewers get $1 for Brad Mills. Coincidentally matches what they got for ruining Randolph and Mortimer Duke.


Detroit
3. Detroit Tigers (47-34; Previous: 9) – Rick Porcello throws shutout, walks none, strikes out none, leaves no carbon footprint.


Los Angeles
4. Los Angeles Angels (47-36; Previous: 5) – Albert Pujols limited by golf ball-sized lymph node in his groin. In other news, holy crap Albert Pujols has a golf ball-sized lymph node in his groin!


Seattle
5. Seattle Mariners (47-38; Previous: 11) – King Felix always keeps a few good magazines near the Iron Throne.


Los Angeles
6. Los Angeles Dodgers (48-39; Previous: 8) – Dodgers wondering if it’ll be OK with everybody when they jump into McCovey Cove.


Atlanta
7. Atlanta Braves (47-38; Previous: 15) – Turns out, the clubbies had already shipped the offense to Cobb County. Honest mistake.


San Francisco
8. San Francisco Giants (47-37; Previous: 3) – Since Tim Lincecum owns the Padres, he gets to name the next GM.


Washington
9. Washington Nationals (46-38; Previous: 10) – If Bryce Harper thinks he knows everything and doesn’t care for anyone else’s opinion, at least he’s in the right city.


Toronto
10. Toronto Blue Jays (47-39; Previous: 4) – John Gibbons to reporters after ejection: “Maybe I got tired of looking at bunts not getting put down, so I said, ‘I’ll go have a beer.’” Totally legit.


St. Louis
11. St. Louis Cardinals (45-40; Previous: 7) – Cards want to play like a World Series team. Sadly, they lost four of six of those.


Baltimore
12. Baltimore Orioles (45-39; Previous: 13) – Not sure what Manny Machado was most sincere about: bat throw, alibi, apology, appeal or disappointment over result of appeal.


Pittsburgh
13. Pittsburgh Pirates (44-40; Previous: 21) – Ernesto Frieri flies to Pittsburgh, U.S. Air charges $75 for the excess ERA.


Kansas City
14. Kansas City Royals (44-40; Previous: 6) – Royals have no quit in them. Did get a little on their shoes, though.


Cincinnati
15. Cincinnati Reds (43-41; Previous: 17) – Reds first visiting team to sweep four-game series at AT&T Park. However, got none of their cleaning deposit back.


New York
16. New York Yankees (41-42; Previous: 12) – In George Steinbrenner’s day, at least three interns would have been fired by now.


Miami
17. Miami Marlins (41-43; Previous: 14) – Marlins remember when somebody hacked into their system and posted the players they wanted to trade. Ingeniously printed out and distributed under the heading “Starting Lineup.”


Cleveland
18. Cleveland Indians (41-43; Previous: 16) – Native American group threatens $9 billion lawsuit against Indians. Also wants the drum back.


Chicago
19. Chicago White Sox (40-46; Previous: 19) – So embarrassing: Jose Abreu thought the Home Run Derby had already started.


Minnesota
20. Minnesota Twins (38-45; Previous: 25) – Seems weird to have an All-Star Game in Minneapolis with no Prince.


Tampa Bay
21. Tampa Bay Rays (38-49; Previous: 30) – Rays position themselves to sell, wonder if anyone will take the ballpark.


Chicago
22. Chicago Cubs (37-46; Previous: 29) – Jake Arrieta flirts with second no-hitter in a week. Hopes first one doesn’t find out.


Boston
23. Boston Red Sox (38-47; Previous: 20) – On days in which the climate feels sorta tropical, Red Sox prefer a Boston Sarong.


San Diego
24. San Diego Padres (38-47; Previous: 28) – Just to save time, AP issues no-hitter alerts for all remaining Padres games.


Texas
25. Texas Rangers (37-47; Previous: 18) – We’re just happy Nolan Ryan’s not around to see this.


New York
26. New York Mets (37-48; Previous: 26) – Sandy Alderson says Mets are better than their record. Did the Mets put out a record?


Philadelphia
27. Philadelphia Phillies (36-48; Previous: 23) – Ruben Amaro thinks the Phillies are better than the Mets’ record.


Houston
28. Houston Astros (36-50; Previous: 24) – Astros should have known they were hacked when Jack Zduriencik tried to catfish them.


Colorado
29. Colorado Rockies (36-49; Previous: 22) – Welp, the Rockies aren’t winning anymore, but there’s still a pretty good buzz around town.


Arizona
30. Arizona Diamondbacks (35-51; Previous: 27) – D'backs don’t think the McCovey Cove joke is funny at all.

 

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