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LOL! NFL's biggest beefs squashed via texts

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In the latest twist to a saga that seems destined for divorce, Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young(notes) apologized to coach Jeff Fisher on Tuesday in a decidedly 21st century manner.

Never mind that Fisher wasn't especially impressed by Young's text message, saying that talking face-to-face "is a man thing."

It's tough to quarrel with Fisher's logic, but perhaps the 52-year-old coach really is a bit out of touch with times. Imagine a world in which prominent NFL figures routinely apologized in 160 characters or less.

Actually, I've taken the liberty of doing it for you:

• "Heyy man sry bout dat punch but u came up on me n i h8 dat! btw i only got fined 25k lmao" – Oakland Raiders defensive lineman Richard Seymour(notes) to Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger(notes)

• "Sup mr r sry i wuz such a foo in da bar in georgia & prolly lotz of places … idk what I wuz thinking … plz dnt trade me k" – Roethlisberger to Steelers president Art Rooney II

• "Yo D after i bnchd u i sed u were outa shape n clueless … u prolly think i need 2 sthu sumtimes? Ikr … my bad how bout if i pay u big $$?" – Washington Redskins coach Mike Shanahan to quarterback Donovan McNabb(notes)

• "Wazzup its randy da dude who sed i wudnt give ur ribs 2 my dawg … soooo i wuz just mad bcuz I figured out chilly sux lol… Now im a titan smh" – Ex-Minnesota Vikings receiver Randy Moss(notes) to Twin Cities restaurateur Gus Tinucci

• "i no we disagreed on playz & obvi i no more than u abt football but maybe we cud hv st8ks sum time? Hahahahahahaha as if rofl!!!" – Vikings quarterback Brett Favre(notes) to former coach Brad Childress

• "goin bk to hotel 2 chill … m rockin those crocs u luv lolz … def no garbage can … whatevs sry bout da pix i sent b4" – Favre to former New York Jets sideline reporter Jenn Sterger

• "oops honey i tried 2 send those pix of u no wut 2 u but they went 2 dat tv gurl instead. iou 1 … want 2 watch da office 2nite? i thnk yes" – Favre to wife Deanna

• "heyy sry bout h8ng on dem dogz b4 … smh … thx 4 lettin me back in da league … xoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo" – Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick(notes), to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell

"Sry i wudnt shake ur hand after da game but dat wuz sum bs in da 4th q … blitzing 25 times wth?" – Kansas City Chiefs coach Todd Haley to Denver Broncos coach Josh McDaniels

• "its cool i wuz just soooo excited cuz we usually cnt score vry much … lol … cn i wrk 4 u nxt yr?" – McDaniels to Haley

• "Plz 4give me 4 wut i said abt u gtng fired & all da stuff b4 … jk u r a gr8 coach … lmao … ttfn" – Y! Sports analyst Tiki Barber to New York Giants coach Tom Coughlin

• "i shuldnt hv drove dat nite … dui = fail lulz … soooo can u pay me ne way? bffl" – Jets receiver Braylon Edwards(notes) to owner Woody Johnson

• "we shud have made u n offer u culdnt refuse but we r cheap oh well … u were gud on dancin w starz btr than Bristol" – Arizona Cardinals president Michael Bidwill to Kurt Warner(notes)

• "did u like da bird i flipd u? sry but i am old & rich & i dnt give a … lmao … bt dubs VY is da best … no any gud coaches?" – Titans owner Bud Adams to Bills owner Ralph Wilson

TAKE IT TO THE ATM

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Rivers is 3-1 vs. Manning. (AP)

The Seattle Seahawks will strike a blow for NFC West pride (kinda/sorta) by rallying to defeat the Chiefs at home on Sunday afternoon. … The San Diego Chargers' annual late-season revival will continue Sunday night as Philip Rivers(notes) outduels Peyton Manning(notes) in a road upset of the Indianapolis Colts. … In a Monday night game that will go perfectly with spoiled Thanksgiving leftovers, the Cardinals will end a five-game losing streak by sticking a fork in the 49ers.

PLEASE, BOSS, SEND ME TO …

Atlanta, where I can see two of my favorite quarterbacks battle it out at the Georgia Dome – site of one of the most memorable Super Bowls ever – and find out a lot more about the Falcons and Packers.

LIES, LIES, LIES

1. In response to Mike Leach's(notes) libel and slander lawsuit, ESPN's lawyers scheduled a deposition with the former Texas Tech coach in a locked electrical closet.

2. As part of his argument against Boise State or TCU appearing the BCS national championship game, Ohio State president Gordon Gee blurted out, "Those schools are so illegitimate, I'll bet their presidents don't even wear bow ties."

3. Impressed by Bills receiver Steve Johnson's(notes) homage to The Joker in last week's victory over the Bengals, owner Ralph Wilson vowed to show up for Sunday's game against the Steelers dressed as The Penguin, with a message scrawled underneath his tuxedo shirt reading, "There will be no mudslinging in this campaign."

FANTASY ANNOYANCE OF THE WEEK

For the second consecutive year, my buddy Malibu is embroiled in a nepotism-tinged scandal, and there's little I can do to bail him out. Last season Malibu swung a Donovan McNabb-for-Julius Jones(notes) trade with his son, A-Man, that had the rest of the participants in their Sex, Drugs and Fantasy Football league crying foul. The fact that A-Man went on to capture the championship only amplified the bitterness among their fellow competitors.

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Gonzalez has 45 catches for 448 yards this season.
(Scott Rovak/US Presswire)

Last Saturday, father and son were at it again: Malibu's "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath" sent Antonio Gates(notes) and Malcom Floyd(notes) to A-Man's "Man Up Willis U …" for Tony Gonzalez(notes), Hines Ward(notes) and Vince Young. When Young's season imploded the following day, Malibu appeared even more devious, in a clairvoyant kind of way. "The deal makes sense," Malibu insisted. "He's 6-5 and hoping that Gates comes back strong and can help him in the playoffs. I'm 5-6 and need help now, so Gonzalez makes more sense for me. But no one is buying it. They're saying, 'Starting next year, one team per family.' I don't know about this league."

Malibu has another gripe, and I'll happily let him vent: "Two weeks ago I had a 127.7-127 victory and was feeling good about it until, somehow, the following Friday afternoon the stats changed and I saw that I'd lost, 127-126.6. I don't even know what happened [my guess is Joel Dreessen(notes), who fumbled late against the Jags after a long reception, lost a few yards on that play upon further review], but ESPN is lame that way. We never should have switched from Yahoo!"

Um, duh.

I offered Malibu some advice for this week's matchup with Big Orange (8-3), but nothing that was all that helpful. "You really haven't helped me much all season," Malibu griped. "Dez Bryant(notes) was a nice draft pick, and Marshawn Lynch(notes) has helped a little … oh, and that Mike Williams pick-up was good. You told me to draft him, remember? Of course, you were talking about the Mike Williams on Tampa, not Seattle. But thanks … "

YAHOO SEARCH WORDS OF THE WEEK

Courage of Jill Costello

LET'S DO SOME DON JULIO SHOTS FOR …

Titans offensive coordinator Mike Heimerdinger, who is undergoing chemotherapy for an undisclosed form of cancer. Dinger is an exceptional coach and is one of the good guys in a very demanding business. Please extend your thoughts and prayers to him and his family.

THIS WEEK'S PROOF THAT CAL IS THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE

As most of you can probably imagine, I had a miserable Saturday at Memorial Stadium, where Stanford pummeled Cal, 48-14, to win back the Axe and complete perhaps the most regrettable two-month stretch in Golden Bear sports history. The fact that I ended up in bed with flu-like symptoms for most of the next 36 hours was probably just a coincidence (and no, it wasn't a hangover – I only wish it had been.)

So, after offering congratulations to the Cardinal for the thorough butt-kicking it administered in beating the Bears for the second time in nine years, I'm going to skip the football talk and focus on some other things for which I'm thankful: The great Alex Morgan, who just days after completing her amazing Cal career helped the U.S. women's national soccer team get closer to qualifying for next summer's World Cup with a dramatic goal against Italy; Cal's second-ranked women's volleyball team, which last Friday completed its first sweep of Stanford since 1979 and will attempt to capture its first Pac-10 title by defeating Arizona on Friday at Haas Pavilion; and Cal's Pac-10 champion men's soccer team, which pulled out an overtime victory over UC Santa Barbara last Sunday to advance to the Sweet 16 of the NCAA tournament (the sixth-ranked Bears host Brown at Goldman Field on Sunday).

As always, I urge you to help Save Cal Rugby. And finally, I'd like to express my gratitude to some very smart psychologists from my alma mater for explaining why my life of air travel and all-night writing might cause me to forget certain … uh … what were we talking about, again?

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