Hail to the 'Victors': Top 25 Reasons to Dislike Michigan Football

Yahoo Contributor Network

Fans of virtually every team in the country dislike the Michigan Wolverines, and could probably come up with 25 reasons why with little trouble.

However, as a Michigan State Spartans fan, I believe that I am closer to the Wolverines than most, and can give an accurate description of the 25 reasons they should be hated the most.

25. Hoke-mania. The Chris Christie imposter only has one year of experience at Michigan under his belt and people are already talking about him like he's the second coming of Bo Schembechler. Hoke isn't even the best coach in the Legends division in the Big Ten.

24. The Color Maize. Give it a rest, Michigan, your colors are blue and yellow. Sun-bright, eyeball-burning yellow. You can't just make up a new color so it sounds more impressive. Such a Michigan move.

23. Downtown Ann Arbor. The city where the University of Michigan sits is not bad, but it just does not compare to the culture and nightlife of nearby East Lansing.

22. The Way Rich Rod Was Treated. Poor Rich Rodriguez was stormed out of town with flaming pitchforks. Personally, I thought he did a great job and did not deserve the general hostility, let alone the firing.

21. School Greed. In the never-ending quest to make the most money possible, the Big House was expanded in 2008, and only after being sued by a group of disabled veterans did the university scale back the expansion to remain handicap-friendly.

20. Excuses. I've never heard a Michigan fan just admit the Wolverines aren't the better team. It seems like all of the team's past losses are the fault of either poor officiating or Rich Rod.

19. "Ohio." Trying to look cool by not trying, Michigan fans have an annoying habit of calling Ohio State just "Ohio" -- as if refusing to acknowledge that the real name is "Ohio State" is some kind of insult. Or maybe these fans are trying to block out the bad results against other "State" teams.

18. Rulebreaking. In 2010, the NCAA found that Michigan committed multiple "major" rule violations involving failing to monitor the program, having impermissible practices, and lying to investigators. In May of 2012, Michigan players got into the act sending illegal tweets.

17. Lack of Accountability. Despite the laundry list of rules violations, the Wolverines were never hit with a bowl ban or any of the serious sanctions that were imposed on their rival Buckeyes.

16. Greg Robinson. Robinson arguably single-handedly cursed the once-vaunted Syracuse football program. Naturally, Michigan rewarded him by handing him the keys to the defense as the defensive coordinator. Michigan's defense abruptly got destroyed. Shock ensues.

15. Those People With No Connection to the School Who Love It. Much as there are fans of the Yankees, Lakers, and Cowboys all across the country, people love Michigan. These fans are always the first to defend the team and be decked out in maize/yellow and blue. But when it comes down to it, none of them can really describe why they even like the team.

14. Embarrassing the Big Ten Conference. Appalachian State, anyone?

13. The Big House. The only thing I dislike more than Michigan fans is the thought of sharing three hours with over 109,000 of them at the same time.

12. Desmond Howard. Former Michigan player and current television analyst. As annoyingly cocky as he was as a player, he is even more annoying now. We get it, Desmond, you went to Michigan. You don't even have to explain when you pick it to win every week.

11. Uniforms. It's unfathomable why a school with the tradition of Michigan would steal its uniform design from the Delaware Fighting Blue Hens.

10. Denard Robinson. If he was the quarterback for any other team in the country, it would be acknowledged that he struggles to throw the ball even average distances downfield. Instead, he is a perennial Heisman candidate.

9. Overrated-ness. Speaking of being overrated, it generally describes the entire team. Writers always talk themselves into Michigan being good until it begins to blow it. Unfortunately, last year, the BCS bought into the false hype and awarded Michigan a Sugar Bowl bid -- even though the Wolverines weren't even good enough to win their division in the Big Ten.

8. Alumni. Show me a humble U of M alum and I will show you a liar.

7. Loose Shoes. Everyone hates the feeling of walking when your shoes are too loose, especially when the laces fall out. It is very uncomfortable to have them almost slipping off with every step.

6. Mike Hart. Although I would like to thank him for inspiring a class of Spartans, Mr. Hart wrote a check that future generations of Wolverines football players have not been able to cash.

5. Tom Brady. Fitting that one of the most annoying NFL players came from Michigan. Perhaps that is where he learned his style.

4. Banner Jump. Some teams are led out by charging animals or fierce mascots. Michigan players leap up and barely scrape the bottom of a banner that says they are supported. This is easily the least intimidating entrance in the nation.

3. The Fight Song. Everything about "Hail to the Victors" is annoying. And, how does it work when the Wolverines lose? Is their band saluting the other team as victors? If so, the Spartans have been hailed quite frequently as of late.

2. The Obsession with a "Michigan Man." For some reason, Michigan fans are obsessed with having a coach who was somehow connected to the school in the past, a so-called "Michigan Man." Don't worry, no one else wants the job anyways.

1. Fan Base's Unjustifiably Inflated Self-Importance. This is pretty much the above 24 items all rolled into one kind of fan.

Related Content from this Contributor:

Go Green! 25 Reasons Why It's Great to be a Michigan State Spartans Fan

Del Pearson attended Michigan State University College of Law and has been a season ticket holder for MSU football since 2008. Follow Del on Twitter @DelPearson2.

View Comments