COMMENTARY | One of the principal concepts to remember concerning surviving a zombie apocalypse is that most people don't survive. It's tough business making a go of it in any post-apocalyptic wasteland -- much less one infested with zombies.
A team survival operation entails everyone fulfills a certain role. Without it, everyone fails, or, uh, dies.
For a team of Chicago Cubs to survive this zombie apocalypse, here is how it would go down:
Anthony Rizzo: The Leader
Almost everyone has faith in the leader of a group during a zombie apocalypse (Rizzo has been traded for twice). The group needs one to survive and keep things as orderly as possible.
Rizzo commands the faith of his teammates and leads by example without many words, but also makes mistakes along the way (career .245 hitter). He doesn't always get the job done, but his level-headed approach keeps the group calm and organized even when things go south.
Cause of Death: Saving another member of the group when he does something stupid.
Starlin Castro: The Young, Sometimes Arrogant, Punk
There could be 100 zombies threatening to rip him apart, but he still feels -- for better or worse -- that the odds are in his favor. This makes him an effective member of the team who gets results more often than not (.288 career average).
He rubs some the wrong way -- people who mistake his constant confidence for constant arrogance. His willingness to take chances (sparkling defensive plays, but 15 errors) makes him a valuable but dangerous member of the team.
Cause of Death: Eventually there are 100 zombies threatening to rip him apart and, despite what he thinks, the odds are not in his favor.
Darwin Barney: The 'Smart-Beyond-His-Years' Guy
In order to survive, you have to be willing to take chances -- just in intelligent circumstances. And when you do take chances, you have to execute.
When playing defense, like many of the greats, Barney doesn't play conservatively to protect the fielding percentage; he gets dirty when he has to (2012 Gold Glove winner). He is normally in the background when it comes to offensive action against zombies, but he does more than his share when it comes to keeping zombies out.
Cause of Death: In a zombie apocalypse, you need more than a good defense.
Alfonso Soriano: The Old Brute Who Can't Do Much Except Fight
This counts for more than you might think in the zombie apocalypse, despite it being presented as an insult. Being able to fight (career averages of 34 HRs and 95 RBIs per season) will automatically buy you some survival time. He's also able to keep his head when criticism around his brutish ways starts to swirl.
Cause of Death: Life out in the elements is especially tough for older folks, but they are too tough to succumb to something like zombies. Pneumonia.
Travis Wood: The Guy No One Expects to Do Anything Who Winds Up Saving the Day
He's a support role in the group. Always has been. As such, he's gone with the consensus of the group more often than not and has still managed to make a few mistakes along the way. Long considered a liability (6-13, 4.27 ERA in 2012), he surprises everyone when he bails out the entire group when all else goes wrong.
Cause of Death: You don't bail out the entire group in a zombie apocalypse without paying the ultimate price.
It's a zombie apocalypse. Did you really expect anyone to survive?
Brian is a lifelong Chicago Cubs follower. Living in Illinois his entire life has given him a chance to closely follow and report Chicago sports as a freelance writer through Yahoo! Contributor and Yahoo! Sports. He is also a senior in college majoring in English and Creative Writing.
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