Dr. Saturday - NCAAF

Snap judgments on the weekend's best.

Physics. NASA can send a man to the moon, but I'm pretty sure it could never come up with an equation to replicate the combination of altitude and precision on display by A.J. Green on his first touchdown of the season at Colorado:

Georgia had a rough night in the Rockies (see below), but if there's any reason to keep tuning in to Bulldog games as they try to climb out of a 1-4 hole, Green's presence after a four-game suspension is it.

Literature. Florida's young lineup must have felt like it wandered into the wrong chapter of a Cormac McCarthy novel Saturday night's grisly massacre at Alabama, one of the bloody ones where the horses rear and scream and churn about in the loose sand with their hoopshaped nostrils and whited eyes and the survivors make for the willow from which they'd emerged leaving on the field the wounded and the dying and the dead and forsaken men with their heads split to the thrapple. The rout was pure gothic. When the Gators' eyes lost their blindness, the score was already 24-0 in the middle of the second quarter, and they were resigned to their fate like beings provoked out of the absolute rock and set nameless and at no remove from their own looming to wander ravenous and doomed and mute as gorgons shambling the brutal wastes of Gondwanaland in a time before nomenclature was and each was all.

Satire. Trailing Louisiana-Lafeyette 28-14 at the end of the third quarter, North Texas rallied with a pair of sustained scoring drives in the fourth, the second a 12-play, 92-yard march capped by a four-yard pass from Riley Dodge to Darius Casey to cut the Cajuns' lead to 28-27 with 45 seconds on the clock. UNT played it safe, opting for the extra-point kick by Trent Deans to send the game to overtime – which Lafeyette subsequently blocked to ice its second Sun Belt victory.

Modern Dance. If 2010 is the year of the celebratory "Dougie," the trend reached both its apex and its certain doom Saturday night in the Oregon Duck:

Like any trend chronicled by the New York Times, when a "craze" reaches the mascot community, It's all downhill from there.

Fashion. Taking a cue from a raucous Arizona crowd that turned up the theater for the Hawkeyes' visit to Tucson a few weeks back, Iowa fans somehow coordinated themselves into alternating black and yellow sections for Penn State, turning Kinnick Stadium into a scene resembling a giant, insane bee. Which proceeded to break into "In Heaven There Is No Beer" after a 24-3 Hawkeye win.

Philanthropy. Having already watched backfield mate Washaun Ealey cough up killer fumbles in Georgia's losses at South Carolina and Mississippi State, Georgia running back Caleb King decided to join the season of giving with a late fourth-quarter fumble in Colorado territory that effectively ended the Bulldogs' comeback chances in a devastating 29-27 loss in Boulder. Colorado picked up a first down on the next play and easily ran the final 1:43 off the clock to deal UGA its fourth straight defeat.

Comedy. With last year's clock-killing gaffe at Ole Miss standing as the gold standard of hilariously awful time management, no one could have ever scripted an ending that topped it for head-bursting frustration. As usual, though, where Les Miles and LSU are involved, reality obliterated the bounds of human imagination:

When the Tigers got up from Jordan Jefferson's initial sweep to the one-yard line looking confused, I started chuckling a little; when they started to run on substitutions after 10 seconds had ticked off the clock, I probably started to hyperventilate. When the ball sailed past Jefferson to seal the apparent Tennessee win, I briefly lost consciousness.

History. Offered a rare chance to show off against a flailing Kansas outfit on the fast track to rock bottom, Baylor set a school records with 678 total yards and 55 points in a Big 12 game in a 55-7 laugher in Waco. Quarterback Robert Griffin accounted for 444 yards and four of Baylor's seven touchdowns to push the Bears to 4-1 for the season, well within striking distance of their first bowl game since 1994.

Mathematics. Michigan quarterback and leading spread revolutionary Denard Robinson delivered another ridiculous afternoon with 277 yards passing, 217 rushing and five total touchdowns – including the game-winner with 17 seconds to play – in the Wolverines' 42-35 escape from Indiana, putting Robinson back on pace to become the first player in NCAA history to break 2,000 yards rushing and 2,000 yards passing in the same season. No one else has even come close to that distinction. And at the rate Michigan's defense is going after another awful afternoon in Bloomington, it's going to need every one of them to avoid another stretch-run collapse in Big Ten play.

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Matt Hinton is on Twitter: Follow him @DrSaturday.

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