Help this Gainesville.com beat writer out, gentle readers. He's got a quandary for the room concerning the artistic new additions at the University of Florida:
The news about the University of Florida installing statues honoring its three Heisman Trophy winners left a major question unanswered.
Let's see. "Is it creepy to build a statue of a kid barely out of college?" Or, "Will the statue be crying, and will its metal tears confuse potential pilgrims seeking miracles?" Wait, how about, "Might we be running just a little bit afoul of certain religious strictures warning against graven idols?"
Will the statue of former Gator quarterback Tim Tebow include a Bible verse in his eye black?
Oh. Right. Well, the concern apparently has to do with emblazoning a Bible verse on state-run university property, but we're all for that, as long as it's some Old Testament jazz about battle and destruction and dinosaurs or something. Because what's the point of having a statue if it doesn't look like it might come to life and strike you down at any moment? (We have it on good authority that Alabama's forthcoming garden gnome-sized piece depicting Nick Saban will have the power to call down lightning bolts on anyone wearing Auburn colors who ventures within a hundred feet of its base. The least Florida can do is install some laser pointers in Tebow's eyes to frighten stray cats.) List your favorite fire-and-brimstone passages in the comments, and let's make this happen.
Incidentally, the decision to add a message in the eye black is up to UF, according to the artist's business manager.
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Matt Hinton is on vacation this week. Holly welcomes your adulation and veiled threats at nastinchka-at-yahoo, etc.