June 11, 2009
We're not really surprised to discover Tim Brewster, first-time head coach at Minnesota and less-than-proud owner of an 8-17 record there, has been doing a little creative writing on his own blog, which until sometime this afternoon (as thoughtfully preserved by the Minneapolis Star-Tribune's Michael Rand) listed Brewster's record as 113-61-1, apparently incorporating his years as an assistant under Mack Brown at North Carolina and Texas into his numbers. Rand tees off:
No, we're really surprised that a little post facto performance enhancement is all that leaked out.
• "Logged close to 300 space hours in U.S. space program." Between himself and Buzz Aldrin.
• "Bagged Kim Basinger." As an undergrad at Illinois, came into possession of Feb. 1983 Playboy featuring the blonde starlet.
• "Executive producer of 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall.'" Told Judd Apatow, "Hey, you should put puppets in it."
• "Undefeated vs. Joe Paterno." Has never coached against Joe Paterno.
• "Draw flawless hand turkeys." Freestyle, actually. (Read modesty counts in interviews.)
• "Out-recruited Jim Tressel for LeBron James." Obviously, 0-0 > 0-1.
• "Fluent in Italian." Regular Tuesday lunches at the Olive Garden.
• "Defeated Michael Phelps in Beijing." Phelps thought he had him on China Daily crossword, but got hung up on "Zhou Enlai."
• "Experienced traveller." Stripped of possessions and forced to serve as "recruiting hobo" on Mack Brown's staff at North Carolina.