Dr. Saturday - NCAAF

We're not really surprised to discover Tim Brewster, first-time head coach at Minnesota and less-than-proud owner of an 8-17 record there, has been doing a little creative writing on his own blog, which until sometime this afternoon (as thoughtfully preserved by the Minneapolis Star-Tribune's Michael Rand) listed Brewster's record as 113-61-1, apparently incorporating his years as an assistant under Mack Brown at North Carolina and Texas into his numbers. Rand tees off:

Can you, um, really do that? We suppose. Though it seems a little bit like Tommie Aaron saying he and his brother Hank combined for 768 career home runs.

No, we're really surprised that a little post facto performance enhancement is all that leaked out.

"Logged close to 300 space hours in U.S. space program." Between himself and Buzz Aldrin.

"Bagged Kim Basinger." As an undergrad at Illinois, came into possession of Feb. 1983 Playboy featuring the blonde starlet.

"Executive producer of 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall.'" Told Judd Apatow, "Hey, you should put puppets in it."

"Undefeated vs. Joe Paterno." Has never coached against Joe Paterno.

"Draw flawless hand turkeys." Freestyle, actually. (Read modesty counts in interviews.)

"Out-recruited Jim Tressel for LeBron James." Obviously, 0-0 > 0-1.

"Fluent in Italian." Regular Tuesday lunches at the Olive Garden.

"Defeated Michael Phelps in Beijing." Phelps thought he had him on China Daily crossword, but got hung up on "Zhou Enlai."

"President of American Society of Exclamation Points." America's leading proponent of enthusiasm. (True story: Originally joined Midwestern Exclamatory Society to meet Elaine Benes.)

"Experienced traveller." Stripped of possessions and forced to serve as "recruiting hobo" on Mack Brown's staff at North Carolina.

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