August 15, 2008
Scientists, we're told, are in near-lockstep agreement that global warming threatens the future of the earth, and to ensure a stable, livable world for our children's children, it's our solemn duty to address the major causes of climate change today: carbon dioxide from power plants, cars, airplanes and buildings; methane emissions; increased water vapor and nitrous oxide in the atmosphere; urban gridlock; deforestation; you name it. If you're anywhere on the strata of civilization above 'hunter-gatherer,' you can't take a step, basically, without putting a polar bear's head under a room-temperature guillotine. This is serious, scary business.
It's in the name of the public good then, that the USA Today reports today on an alarming new discovery in the fight against rising temperatures in the Rust Belt:
This is just how smoking hot the two-time Mid-American offensive player of the year is going into his junior year: the sheer statistical magnitude of his multi-faceted game supplies enough energy to heat not only the largest geographical subsection of the 22nd-largest state in the Union, but also the comparative juices of writers looking to take the mid-major star national:
The vitality of junior LeFevour's playing style is evidenced by the fact he and the Tennessee Titans' Vince Young are the only players in Division I-A (Bowl Subdivision) history to pass for 3,000 yards and run for 1,000 in a season. Young did it for Texas in 2005.
Last season, LeFevour was the MAC offensive player of the year after throwing for 3,652 yards and running for 1,122. He had five 100-yard rushing days and four 300-yard passing days.
That is indeed a sizzling performance, overall, though good luck in convincing Georgia of that on Sept. 6 after last year's non-conference results, highlighted by a 45-point loss to Kansas, a 23-point loss to Purdue, a 56-point loss to Clemson and a 30-point loss to I-AA North Dakota State, at home. Allowing 47.5 points per game to non-MAC opponents: not so hot.
But you know how Southerners are about foreign Communist plots like "global warming" or "possible threat from any team from a Union state": it don't feel no hotter to us.