Ball Don't Lie - NBA

First Mark Cuban, now Kendrick Perkins(notes) — I'm starting to think there's something very inviting about Shawn Marion's(notes) skull that just makes you want to touch it when you get the opportunity.

Maybe when you get up close, it looks like it'd feel like an extremely high thread-count sheet set. Those are pretty great to touch when you take a killer weekend trip to the past-baths store, and that would make this newfound Marion-head-touching thing totally understandable.

Just watch the eyes next time, Perk. You might be a big ol' meanie, but there's no need to resort to eye-gouging like some sort of Jerry Sags of The Nasty Boys from "WWF Rage in the Cage" on Sega CD. You're not a Celtic anymore. You Oklahoma City Thunder types are supposed to be good eggs!

Best caption wins touching twice and not letting go at any price. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Steve Nash(notes) is my favorite Sedin twin.

Winner, My Name is Jason: "Hooray for jacket accoutrements! HooRAY!"

Runner-up, The VZA: Demonstrating his excellent game vision, Steve Nash keeps a close left eye on the action on the ice, while simultaneously keeping his right eye fixed squarely on the churros guy heading down the aisle as he attempts to flag him down.

Second runner-up, Rccostner: After missing the playoffs this season, Steve Nash is already prepared to throw in the towel on next season as well.

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