Clocking in at nearly 10 minutes, this video of Ron Artest's(notes) postgame press conference is longer than your typical Internet video. But, please, please trust me when I tell you that it is worth all 594 seconds of your time.
Oh my goodness, you guys. I'm having a hard time choosing what part of this is the best part. I mean, in less than 10 minutes Ron Artest brought his entire family on stage with him, apologized to the Indiana Pacers and called himself a coward, pointed out his dad's muscles, forced a room full of media bros working on laptops to acknowledge him, called himself an "oddball," was amazed that he had his own Wheaties box, realized David Stern wouldn't want him having alcohol on the table during his time to shine, thanked his doctor again, called his own daughter out for staring at him, offered to beatbox, invited everyone to go to the club with him with their cameras, thanked his coach, Kobe Bryant(notes) and the Lakers for having him on their team, confirmed that Phil Jackson uses telepathy, and totally justified the use of a massive run-on sentence. As you can see, it's a pretty hard decision to make.
However, I think the choice ultimately comes down to two moments. First, at about 1:50, Ron says "before I go crazy on y'all ... which I'm going to do shortly," effectively warning everybody there of what was to come, then living up to his prediction. Or, this off-camera moment captured in a must-read profile of Artest by Yahoo! Sports' Johnny Ludden, that serves as a prelude to Crazy Pills' incredible performance in front of the microphone.
Finally the champagne cork popped, and someone in the back shouted, "You drunk Ron?"
"Not yet," he yelled back. "But give me time."
Sequels aren't usually as good as the original, but this might be a "Back to the Future II" situation. At the very least, we should all be very, very excited for Ron-Ron's reality show, because with Ron Artest, the fun never stops.
After this interview, Ron hit Los Angeles, clad in his entire Lakers uniform, just like I called Thursday night. When asked the famous "What are you going to do now?" question by a pestering TMZ reporter, Ron responded as only he could — "I'd rather go to Compton."
Never, ever change, Ron Artest.