Fri Feb 08 12:49pm EST
Things are real official right now. Yesterday I spent 30 minutes on a conference call with D-League officials, coaches, and participants in the All-Star festivities. Discussed issues included: itinerary, apparel, dress code, and security. I felt pretty big time being on a phone call that required me to dial in and enter a code to join the conversation. I imagined Kobe, LeBron, Dirk, and Dwight on their conference call with David Stern and how they probably heard the same things I did.
One thing I'm sure we all heard was the security part of the call. See, I remember about a year ago when T-Mac said that he had issues with New Orleans and the NBA's ability to keep him safe. T-Mac said that he wouldn't go to Mardi Gras land even if he was voted into the All-Star game. He said this, knowing full well that "Girls Gone Wild" routinely films down there, so it must have been serious. He didn't end up making the roster, so I guess he is safe. But what about me?
I'm not a punk by any stretch of the word, but dang, NBA players feared for their safety. What am I supposed to do? There are two ways of looking at something like this. I could say that NBA stars are more likely to get robbed because they tend to have a lot more valuable things on them than I do. I'm sure T-Mac would have sported his big time watch and his big time chain. I would even bet that his Ugg's are custom designed and worth more than my annual D-League salary. There would be less incentive to rob me unless you want a 2-year-old Macbook or an already beat up iPod Touch, the two things I own worth more than $200.
On the other hand, T-Mac can afford security. I assume there is some equation that says that the total cost of a players jewelry should be ten times the combined weight of that players security guards. What I'm saying is, if you've got a $30,000 chain, you should have ten 300lb. security guys to protect you and that watch. That seems like a rational way to determine security.
I can't afford any security at all. Using the same equation, I'm gonna need to hire a 40lb. six-year-old who will work for free to protect me and my $400 iPod. I can't even afford to buy him a Rice Krispy Treat. I guess I'm just gonna have to chance it because nothing will keep me from New Orleans.
I'm not even scared, really. It takes a lot to scare me. I haven't been scared by a scary movie since "Sleeping Beauty" and I saw that when I was 5. That witch was just way too wicked, and the dragon that followed the thorny vines was ridiculous. Well, actually, "I Am Legend" scared the hell out of me for some reason. Seriously, I spent the whole movie sending text messages to people who I don't even talk to regularly just because I knew they would respond and take my mind off the terrible things on screen. I digress.
I'll be alright down there. Reggie Bush is from San Diego too and he's doing just fine down there. I've been listening to Juvenile, Lil Wayne, and the Big Tymers forever. I know how to survive down in the N.O. I'll see you in the next "Girls Gone Wild" video ... or maybe not.
Rod Benson is a Cal grad who plays for the D-League's Dakota Wizards. He also blogs every Monday, Wednesday and Friday on Ball Don't Lie. Read his archive, pay a visit to TooMuchRodBenson.com and always support the Boom Tho movement.