Ball Don't Lie - NBA

It's been two weeks since our last game of the season. To me, this is the most relaxing time of the year. It's these first couple weeks of the offseason that you really don't have to worry about a thing. It's your time to mentally and physically recover from a long season that, for me, started in August. There's nothing to do but watch season finales ("Heroes," "The Office"), sleep in and lift weights.

I've been doing some shooting in the gym at USF (San Francisco) in the mornings to keep my jumper tight. A few days ago, a guy walked by me and said, "Still got it, eh?" I paused. I had never gotten that comment before. I'm not old. I don't look old. I don't play like an old man. I feel like there's a certain age you reach when being told that you "still got it" means you're old. Maybe it's 35. Maybe it's 40. I guess it doesn't matter, though, because later that day I was eating lunch on campus and someone asked me if I was a new recruit.

I've also had plenty of time to update my Twitter and mogotxt accounts. Delonte West started following me on Twitter the other day. I wonder if it's really him or an imposter. I really don't think Mr. West cares what Mr. Boom Tho is doing on an hourly basis, but you never know. Maybe he shows my updates to LeBron, who then turns them into commercials for Nike. Everybody's a winner when I tweet.

Speaking on winning and Twitter, I was in Vegas last weekend visiting my boy and we were trying to find a good steakhouse on Friday night at 7p.m. Anyone who's been to Vegas knows that this is a tough thing to do because all the restaurants are full and overbooked and the waits are ridiculously long.

So, my boy suggests that he tell the restaurants that I'm somebody really famous. Well, at least famous enough to be sat down immediately at a table. I told him that I don't resemble any other basketball players that much, though I do get a Chris Taft reference on his better looking days, but that wasn’t going to be a name to get us a seat. After 10 minutes of calling steakhouses and getting the shaft, my boy pleaded with me to "try to be Kevin Garnett or something." I told him there was no way that was going to happen. Finally I remembered my best celebrity look-alike. Plaxico Burress.

I know he's shorter, and I know he's in the NFL, and I know he shot himself with his own gun, but the guy's got juice. Seriously. My boy started making calls around town saying how he had a "very high end client by the name of Plaxico Burress" and the wait times went from two hours down to thirty minutes. One place, Lawry's Steakhouse on Flamingo, offered to seat "Mr. Burress" within a few minutes. So that's where we went. I put on my shades and rolled in like I owned the place. Rod Benson was no longer Rod Benson, he was Plaxico Burress and he was eatin' good!

I'm back in the bay and back to Rod Benson for now. I did tweet that last story so maybe Delonte told LeBron. Maybe not. They are trying to win a championship. But if I see Plax in a commercial with LeBron I'm trying to get a piece of those dollars!

Rod Benson is a Cal grad who plays for the D-League's Reno Bighorns. When he's not busy eatin' steaks, he blogs one or two times a week on Ball Don't Lie. Read his archive, pay a visit to TooMuchRodBenson.com and always — ALWAYS! — support the Boom Tho movement.

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  1. Colorado Kobe aka The All-Mighty Ball Hogg MEssiah
    1. Posted by Colorado Kobe aka The All-Mighty Ball Hogg MEssiah Thu Apr 30, 2009 1:14 pm EDT

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    somebody needs to sign rod benson so he can stop writing
  2. Envigado
    2. Posted by Envigado Thu Apr 30, 2009 1:31 pm EDT

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    C'mon Rod, the SF weather has been too nice for the gym lately. That court in the Panhandle is where it's at!
  3. TheTruth
    3. Posted by TheTruth Thu Apr 30, 2009 1:31 pm EDT

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    somebody needs to get Colorado Kobe aka The All-Mighty Ball Hogg MEssiah a life so he can stop commenting.
  4. Robert
    4. Posted by Robert Thu Apr 30, 2009 1:37 pm EDT

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    Did it work?
  5. Hambone
    5. Posted by Hambone Thu Apr 30, 2009 1:38 pm EDT

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    If you know anything about Delonte West, you'd probably believe that it's really him. Google "Delonte West's Perfect Date."
  6. Jitesh P
    6. Posted by Jitesh P Thu Apr 30, 2009 1:44 pm EDT

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    Go plax i hope the niners or raiders sign him he definately has the talent to take a team like the bay area failures to the playoffs, nothern cali teams need to be on top agian its been too long!!!
  7. CAVS CHAMPS 2010 (next dynasty)
    7. Posted by CAVS CHAMPS 2010 (next dynasty) Thu Apr 30, 2009 2:16 pm EDT

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    PLAX's suit is too small
  8. Victor G
    8. Posted by Victor G Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:35 pm EDT

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    I need to do something like that too
  9. Hitman
    9. Posted by Hitman Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:49 pm EDT

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    Finally, a use for Plaxico Burress.
  10. DICK SMOTHERS
    10. Posted by DICK SMOTHERS Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:05 pm EDT

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    What, is plaxico going to fill in as a k.g. look-a-like?
  11. Brice O
    11. Posted by Brice O Thu Apr 30, 2009 5:14 pm EDT

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    Ron - we need more from you -- your blogs are great!
  12. Stacy Y
    12. Posted by Stacy Y Thu Apr 30, 2009 5:22 pm EDT

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    good call with the plaxico idea! hahaha i hope you enjoyed your dinner!
  13. Igrill88
    13. Posted by Igrill88 Thu Apr 30, 2009 6:22 pm EDT

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    looks like someone had to force plax into that suit and button him up in it. talk about barely fitting...
  14. the Guy
    14. Posted by the Guy Thu Apr 30, 2009 11:00 pm EDT

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    That is a great story... just make sure if the judge decides to give Plax some time you're not in NYC on that date... Plax might try to send you to the clink in his stead!
  15. the Guy
    15. Posted by the Guy Thu Apr 30, 2009 11:01 pm EDT

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    p.s. that dweeb standing behind Plax should stop letting his mother cut his hair... I mean dude, here's $10 go to supercuts or something...
  16. Jake B
    16. Posted by Jake B Fri May 01, 2009 3:59 am EDT

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    Hahaha. Great story.
    A couple months ago, we were in SF and trying to get a driver for the night. All we could find were taxi's. My friend got the idea that pretending to be a Cal recruit would get us special privileges. We went to Park 55 and told the concierge our dilemma, that he was a Cal recruit for Mike Montgomery and tonight was our night to explore the city. She got one of their drivers to drive us around in a nice BMW for about twenty minutes before dropping us off at our destination and telling us to have a good night. He didn't ask for any money. However, we had good karma by getting a car instead of a crappy taxi, so we decided to give him twenty as a tip.
    It's fun pretending, right Rod?
  17. GayDrian wojnabaldski
    17. Posted by GayDrian wojnabaldski Fri May 01, 2009 4:04 am EDT

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    post #1 sucks
  18. ron l
    18. Posted by ron l Fri May 01, 2009 6:55 am EDT

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    someone actually reads his stuff? seriously
  19. AZdaGod
    19. Posted by AZdaGod Fri May 01, 2009 1:34 pm EDT

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    Post #1 blows.
    + for Rod Benson because even tho Colorado Kobe aka The All-Mighty Ball Hogg MEssiah thinks you should stop writing, he still read it.
  20. jtakeo11
    20. Posted by jtakeo11 Fri May 01, 2009 2:47 pm EDT

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    dude, rod man, stop writing. your pedestrian life is so lame and boring. if i looked at you and you said you were plaxico burress, i'd slap the taste out ya mouth. stop pretending. go lift some serious weights and learn to shoot. you're a stick, a bean pole with no muscles. if you want to make it to the league, get bigger
  21. metalmuhlisha
    21. Posted by metalmuhlisha Sat May 02, 2009 1:09 am EDT

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    awesome. i don't follow the nfl so i really didn't know who plaxico was, but i laughed my ass off when i saw his pic on wikipedia. plaxico looks like your evil twin.
  22. MJ touched hearts and kiddies private parts
    22. Posted by MJ touched hearts and kiddies private parts Wed May 06, 2009 7:20 pm EDT

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    Maybe the guy who saw you shooting hoops in the gym was actually very aware of who you are, and he was watching you clang them off the rim and his comment of " still got it " was sarcasm, and he was really saying that you SUCK!
  23. MJ touched hearts and kiddies private parts
    23. Posted by MJ touched hearts and kiddies private parts Wed May 06, 2009 7:25 pm EDT

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    Don't worry Rod, no one eats good when they earn $20,000 a year.
    You sure are telling the truth when you say that you don't resemble any other basketballers that much. Other basketballers have talent. They're not 25 year old man-children, refusing to face reality and realising that they don't have what it takes to make a living playing pro-ball.
    And by making a living playing pro-ball I mean earning good money, not 20k a year to ride buses and play in empty gyms like you do.
  24. donnymassenburg
    24. Posted by donnymassenburg Fri May 08, 2009 1:13 pm EDT

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    Wow, they got hate in their blood.
    Posing as Plaxico Burress is Mad Boom.

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