Lately it seems like a lot of professional athletes are getting in trouble late at night. I've gotten pretty accustomed to tuning into "Mike and Mike in the Morning" and hearing about so and so who did such and such outside of club whatever when shots were fired. Basically, the whole "nothing good happens after 2 a.m." thing has been pretty applicable lately.   

Well, I have come up with a proposal for big time pro sports. I have actually discovered a way for every athlete in the history of athletics to stay late night trouble free. I will go ahead and call myself fantastic for thinking of it. Heck, the only thing I have left to discover is a good test for HGH. 

See, I have figured out that if every sports team played in cities like Bismarck, North Dakota, there'd be no trouble to get into whatsoever. Trust me on this. I know from experience. Whether or not anything good happens after 2 a.m. is irrelevant out here. All the bars close down at 12:30. You can have dinner, grab a beer, stay for last call and be at home in your sleeper Spider-Man pajamas with the feet in them watching Conan O'Brien by 12:35 a.m. If they had a pair of sleeper Spider-Man pajamas with the feet in them that fit a 6'10" guy with a 7'3" wingspan, that would be my night three times a week.   

In Bismarck there is only one bar that young people really go to. It's called Bucks. I think that if all pro athletes had to endure such a scene for months and months at a time, not only would they be trouble free while here, but they would stay trouble free when they go elsewhere. I believe that people who see what the nightlife is like at Bucks for months at a time would be so happy to see a big time nightclub that they would savor the moments and not get involved in confrontations. I know when I get back to L.A. I will be so concerned with talking to beautiful women that someone could sock me in the throat and I would let it go. 

Don't believe me? Take a look at what the dance floor looks like on an average night at Bucks in Bismarck: 

Note that this video is NOT sped up. This guy just goes that hard. He actually does this routine nightly. 

Anyways, if pro athletes had to spend months with this kind of club scene, they would never start problems at real clubs ever again. Fantastic idea by me. Now I need to tackle HGH.

(Ed. note: For the RSS-savvy, here's the Rod Benson feed.) 

Related: Too much Rod Benson