Ball Don't Lie - NBA

He's already won the job as public address announcer for the New Jersey/soon-to-be Brooklyn Nets, but longtime boxing announcer David Diamante certainly still sounds as if he's auditioning for something. At the very least, the dreadlocked Brooklynite would like you to know all about himself.

Check out these quotes from a feature on the new Nets' PA from Tuesday's New York Times:

"I'm a passion-based guy," he said in his distinctive baritone.

(You almost wonder if the original quote, pre-edit, was "I'm a passion-based guy with a distinctive baritone.")

"I'm all about evolution," Diamante said. "I'm all about new skill sets."

You hear that, William Jennings Bryan? Step up to this skill set.

Diamante said he stopped cutting his hair in 1988, when he was a senior in high school.

"There was a change in my life, and it felt right, and I just stopped cutting it."

That "change" probably went by the name of "Stacy." It's OK, though. She lives in Long Island now and her husband is a claims adjuster. She's moved on.

"Will I cut it tomorrow? Maybe. Will I cut it later today? Maybe. Probably not. I try to go day by day and not to future-trip too much. It's not that I don't look to the future, but I really like to live in the moment and be present in the moment."

I try not to future-trip myself because WHOA GUY WHAT THE HELL IS A FUTURE-TRIP?

I'd like to future-trip and warn the hosts of the next radio show I appear on that I will be using the phrase "future-trip" at least 17 times in a five-minute chat.

"As time went on, I realized my voice really is a gift," he said, adding that others "were just dumbfounded by my voice."

"They were just like: 'Yo, your voice is amazing. It's like there's honey in your voice. It's like butter. It's golden,' " Diamante said.

Honey or butter, dude. Let's just pick one and move on. You're leaving me dumbfounded with your voice.

Not having a cigar lounge in Brooklyn was "a travesty," he said. Diamante said he designed the place, a former office space, "to look like a cigar lounge should," with wooden floors, soft lighting and plush chairs and couches — a blend of old and new.

A flat-screen television behind the counter plays sports or old movies.

"The after-parties that are going to happen here are going to be amazing," he said.

Definition of "travesty," courtesy Dictionary.com:

1. a literary or artistic burlesque of a serious work or subject, characterized by grotesque or ludicrous incongruity of style, treatment, or subject matter.

2. a literary or artistic composition so inferior in quality as to be merely a grotesque imitation of its model.

3. any grotesque or debased likeness or imitation: a travesty of justice.

4. not having a cigar lounge in Brooklyn.

I can safely say, based on this profile alone, that David Diamante will be less annoying than about 25 other NBA public address announcers. That's just me, though. Future-tripping.

(Image courtesy David Diamante's website.)

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