Ball Don't Lie - NBA


Disgruntled point guard Stephon Marbury and New York Knicks president Donnie Walsh met yesterday afternoon at the Knicks training facility with the hope of finding a resolution to their current stalemate. Unfortunately, things didn't go so well. But at least we scored a copy of the meeting's transcript ...

Donnie Walsh: At 2:30 p.m. on Monday, December the 1st, 2008, I, Donnie Walsh, officially call this meeting to order. You ready, Stephon?

Stephon Marbury: Hold on, let "Starebury" get some moisture up in deez rets. (Blinks rapidly) Okay, let's do this.

Walsh: In three ... two ... one ...


Marbury: Boom. Locked in.


Walsh: Ditto.


Marbury: ...


Walsh: I'm amazed you've lasted this long.


Marbury: I'm like a freakin' artificial ram.


Walsh: Impressive.


Marbury: I know.


Walsh: ...


Marbury: "No one on the corner got stare eyes like Steph, stare eyes like Steph, stare eyes like Steph ..."


Walsh: Is that really necessary?


Marbury: "No one on the corner got stare eyes like Steph, stare eyes like Steph, stare eyes like Steph ..."


Walsh: You can't seriously think a little song is going to break me? I once out-stared Stephen Jackson's pretty mug for some 36-plus hours. Get comfortable, kid.


Marbury: ...


Walsh: ...


Marbury: ...


Walsh: Hey! Eye contact!


Marbury: Sorry, I forgot what we we're doing there for a second.


Walsh: ...


Marbury: ...


Walsh: Good gum?


Marbury: Bazooka Joe.


Walsh: Ah, a classic.


Marbury: ...


Walsh: Hey! (Whistles) Line of gaze!


Marbury: ...


Walsh: You're not very good at this.


Marbury: ...


Walsh: What are you smiling at?


Marbury: I just remembered I'm getting paid $21 milllion to look at those bags.


Walsh: ...


Marbury: Dude, do you ever sleep?


Walsh: ...


Marbury: You look like Paul Bearer.


Walsh: ...


Marbury: You know, Kane, The Undertaker ... "I'm Paul Bearer and you're not!"


Walsh: Okay, time to put this baby to bed.


Marbury: What are you doing?


Walsh: Look into my eyes, look into my eyes ...


Marbury: Hey! Stop that! You can't use glasses.


Walsh: The eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, don't look around my eyes, look into my eyes ...


Marbury: No! No! Haigas, help! Call the cops! Call Derek Fisher!


Walsh: Right into my eyes, deep into my eyes, you're in my eyes, you are my eyes ...


Marbury: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! (Blinks) I GIVE! I GIVE! UNCLE!


Walsh: Phew. (Checks watch) 15 minutes. New record.


Marbury: I'M BLIND! DEAR LORD, I'M BLIND!


Walsh: Now get the hell out of here.


Marbury: You have problems, old man. Sick, sick problems.


Walsh: Yeah, boo-hoo. Say hi to your mother for me, okay?

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