J.J. Redick enjoys jumping rope, but he isn't getting much burn in Orlando, and he's recently requested a trade.

Orlando Magic GM Otis Smith enjoys signing Rashard Lewis to a six year, 118.2 million dollar contract. He recently met with Redick to discuss trading options. Let's listen in: 

J.J. Redick: Hey, Otis.

Otis Smith: J.J. Redick! Van Gundy told me you'd be coming up. 

Redick: Yeah, we have to talk. 

Smith: About what?

Redick: I'm not playing much. I've sat out more than half the games we've played; I'm not even averaging double-figure minutes. I can shoot, I can contribute, and I need to be traded to another team. 

Smith: I don't want to trade you, J.J. Redick.

Redick: Just "J.J." is fine. And, yeah, you have to trade me. You don't think it's working out, do you? 

Smith: No, you're probably right.

Redick: Here's the thing, and I don't want to come across as your typical Duke [jerk] here, but I'd like to make the trade myself, if you don't mind. 

Smith: What?

Redick: You're not a good General Manager. 

Smith: We're one of the best teams in the East.

Redick: The East. Yeah. 

Smith: We made the playoffs last year! I put together this entire team!

Redick: Except for ... ? 

Smith: Except for Dwight Howard.

Redick: Except for Dwight Howard. And except for ... ? 

Smith: Except for Jameer Nelson. But I signed both of those guys to contract extensions.

Redick: Bold moves. 

Smith: I don't see what this has to do with ...

Redick: I like the guys on this team. They're good mates. They're also winning in spite of you. You're horrible. 

Smith: I am not horrible.

Redick: Yeah, you are. Like, "let's give Brian Hill another chance"-horrible. 

Smith: I fired Brian Hill!

Redick: But you also hired him. You hired Brian Hill! 

Smith: If this is about where I'd trade you, I can assure you that ...

Redick: It has nothing to do with that. I like the guys on this team. I don't want them to have to suddenly become Darius Miles' teammate.

Smith: Is he available? 

Redick: See! See that little thing you did with your eyebrows? How you went a little cross-eyed, there? Darius Miles did that to you! Watch this: Stromile Swift. 

Smith: I wonder if the salaries match with ...

Redick: See! You did it again. If you had a tail, it'd be thumping the linoleum. 

Smith: This isn't really fair, J.J. Redick.

Redick: "J.J." is, again, just fine. 

Smith: You don't know the salary cap like I do. You don't know the rules.

Redick: But you do. And it's killing this team. 

Smith: What do you mean?

Redick: Bobby Simmons. 

Smith: I wonder if Larry is still up ...

Redick: Rashard Lewis makes almost 15 million dollars this year. He's in his prime, he's our third-leading scorer, and we're still third in the East. In 2012, he'll make in excess of 21 million bucks. 

Smith: Damn.

Redick: Yeah. 

Smith: So, you're saying I should lock that [stuff] up until 2017? See, you just don't know the salary cap J.J. Redick ...

Redick: How about just, "Redick?" 

Smith: ... Lewis isn't eligible for a contract extension yet.

Redick: No extension. 

Smith: No extension?

Redick: You paid way too much. He's not worth it. You brought Bo Outlaw to camp last October. You thought hiring Billy Donovan was a good idea. 

Smith: J.J. Redick, you're way out of line.

Redick: Fran [flippin'] Vasquez. 

Smith: HE STILL MIGHT COME OVER. A MORE EFFETE JEFF FOSTER, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT!

Redick: Zach Randolph. 

Smith: Ooh, good complement to Dwight. I wonder if ... whoa, not fair, J.J. Redick.

Redick: It got you to stop screaming. 

Smith: You have to let me do my job, J.J. Redick.

Redick: Few GMs need to do their job less than you. Take it easy. I want to do whatever it takes to stop Coach Van Gundy from having to yell, "Sub! Garrity in, Szczerbiak out!" 

Smith: That's not a bad platoon, Seattle's three hours behind us, right?

Redick: Mike James. 

Smith: Bound to bounce back, good shooter ... hey, give my cell phone back, J.J. Redick!

(J.J. Redick scurries away with the cell phone, runs out of the building, hops into a waiting hot-air balloon, and flies away. It's my website, the story goes how I want it to.)

Related: Shocking dialogue