September 13, 2011
As long as all outstanding parking tickets have been paid, Ron Artest(notes) will officially change his name to Metta World Peace on Friday, thereby becoming the champion of all Earth's causes. His first order of business will be to perform on "Dancing with the Stars," where his Lindy Hop will usher in a new era of love and understanding. These are not predictions -- they are prophecies that shall come to pass.
Understandably, many basketball fans are hoping to get on the World Peace bandwagon before it becomes overloaded and falls into a curbside ditch. However, he also has some fans a little closer to home. Like his daughter, for instance. According to TMZ, Artest may not be the only World Peace in his household (via PBT and OCRegister.com):
Ron's rep tells TMZ, 8-year-old Diamond Artest has told her dad she wants to take on the World Peace name -- and with a name like Diamond, the resulting moniker might even be awesomer than her dad's.
Diamond hasn't decided when she wants to begin the legal process -- but we're told Ron's ready and willing to sign on the dotted line whenever she's ready.
As we know, 8-year-old girls always pay lots of attention to legal processes, so the delay should come as little surprise. I don't have a sister, but I definitely remember when my cousin got her first My Little Bureaucracy playset. It's part of the Freeman Family Scrapbook, right next to photos of my brother reading a Securities and Exchange Commission rulebook at his ninth birthday party.
While it's easy to joke about this decision, it's also important to point out that Diamond World Peace is a pretty fantastic name, like some kind of tricked-out Nobel Prize for business moguls. It makes perfect sense that someone would want to be named that, especially if it reflects the decision of her father. If my dad changed his last name to Destructive Chaos, I'd follow suit, too.
The only question now is if Ron's other children, Sadie and Ron III, will make the change, as well. For Ron III, it's a tough decision dependent on legal questions that I can't answer. Will he become Ron II if he doesn't change? And if he does, is he obligated to become Metta World Peace Jr. because he was named after his father?
These are tough issues. Someone get Bob Loblaw on the phone. That guy knows his way around a tricky name.