September 21, 2010
There is a method to Ron Artest's(notes) madness. There has to be. For every off-the-wall thing he does, there's usually a simple explanation. Pulled over for failure to register a tiny race car? Oh, that's because he hasn't driven it in a while but wanted to take his miniature race car for a spin. Selling his first championship ring before he ever wears it? Just giving the proceeds to charity and it'll be worth more that way. Recording a song called "Champions" before ever winning an NBA title? That turned out perfect when he did win a title. It might not seem like anything Artest does is governed by reason, but it's actually the opposite — he's hyper logical.
That's why he wants to fight the guy who decided Pluto wasn't a planet. From Sign On San Diego's Mark Zeigler:
It is a classic Artest attribute, squeezing drops of levity from otherwise serious topics. Twisting the mundane into the bizarre. Quickly leaving Earth and traveling deep into the solar system.
Moments earlier, he was asked about the motivation for a Lakers repeat championship.
"We're hungry," Artest said. "I know I am. And you know Kobe is. Kobe's after something, I don't even know what it is. I think he's after stardom on Pluto or something."
Artest paused, cracked a wry smile, and made a hard left at the tangent.
"Pluto is not even a planet any more, which I'm very disturbed about," he continued. "When I grew up, Pluto was a planet. And now I'm 25 and I turn around and Pluto's no longer a planet. I gotta find that guy (who changed its planetary classification) and elbow him in the nose.
"I love Pluto. Everybody loves Pluto."
See? Everybody loves Pluto because it used to be a planet but now it's not, which means whoever made that decision needs an elbow in the nose. When you put it like that, it makes total sense.
But if Ron Artest is ready to throw a 'bow in the nose of whoever decided to classify Pluto as a dwarf planet, then I'd hate to see what he'd do to the Supreme Court justices who decided a tomato was a fruit botanically but still a vegetable in culinary terms. I'm guessing flying clothesline, but with Ron Artest any sort of wrestling maneuver is on the table.