NEW YORK, NY — National Basketball Association commissioner David Stern has scheduled a news conference later today at which he is expected to announce the cancellation of the 2008-2009 and 2009-2010 NBA seasons.

Friday, after the New York Knicks managed to free up enough cap space to lure LeBron James and another All-Star caliber free agent in 2010, it was all but certain this would mark the first year since the 1998-99 NBA lockout season that games would be called off.

"There's just no point in playing basketball right now," Stern said in a recent statement. "LeBron James to the Knicks is a done deal. All New York needed to land LeBron was the cap room, and now they've got it. So, why risk injuries to superstars like LeBron, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh over the next two years, when no one even cares about this season or the next? Have you been reading the papers or blogs lately? It's all about 2010, baby. We're living in the future!"

The Knicks traded their two leading scorers, Zach Randolph and Jamal Crawford, in separate deals and brought back a bunch of serviceable players whose contracts all expire in 2010, the year James will be a free agent.

"We'll take some time off and spend it with our families, play some golf, catch up on Heroes, and then regroup in October 2010," Stern said. "That's when we'll get the NBA going again. The Knicks will have LeBron, everyone will be rested, it'll be great."

Further flexing his business muscles, Stern is also expected to cancel Christmas.

The preceding article was a piece of satirical fiction inspired by this and this.