Will and Jada Pinkett Smith: The Celtics won? Oh. I wasn't watching the game. Yeah, sorry, I couldn't stop looking at my HOT DAMN SHE 'BOUT IT 'BOUT IT WIFE. Mmm, mmm, mmm. Look at her. Mighty fine. My wife.
Jack Nicholson: Let me explain something to you. Whenever James Posey hit a three in the corner or KG hit a highly contested jumper in the lane, my concentration was broke. I wanted to look at the Laker Girls, but Boston was distracting me. And it will take me some time to get back to where I was. You understand?
Justin Timberlake: I think bringing sexy Eddie House back — YEAH! — was key. Them young Laker boys didn't know how to act —YEAH! I think Kobe's special is still a matter of fact — YEAH! But I'm not impressed with LA's second half attack — YEAH!
Larry David: Was that a game? Was that a game? I think it was too weird to be a game, it seemed more like a theatre production. There was a basketball, yeah, but does that mean ... what? That it was a game? There can be balls in theatre productions. There's a basketball in 'My Fair Lady.' Are there always basketballs in theatre productions? I don't think that was a game. [long pause] Tough loss.
Tobey Maguire: Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words: "We just wet the bed. A nice big one, too. One of the ones you can't put a towel over." I understand, Kobe. That is my gift, and my curse, too. Who am I? I'm the man-boy with plastic sheets.
David Beckham: Bollocks.
Maria Sharapova: Is 'The Machine' Russian made?
Ron Artest: [singing] Paaaaaaaaaul ... I'm so happy ... To watch you on TV ... Abusing the Lakers like the Tru-Warier that you are ... Do it again on ... Suuuuuundaaaaaay ...
Kelly Slater, professional surfer: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.
Spike Lee: Damn. Ray Allen really is Jesus.
Jerry Rice: To me, it was never about what the Lakers did or didn't accomplish on the basketball court. It was about the way they played the game. I played football with a lot of determination, a lot of poise, a lot of pride and I think what you saw out there ... was an individual who really just loved the game. The Lakers? They played like crap.
Donnie Wahlberg: WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I have no idea who this is.