April 03, 2010
Even though I'm sure he's nice, Kenyon Martin(notes) is kind of a scary guy. First off, he's huge, no duh. That alone would be enough to deter me from messing with him. But then, he also seems pretty angry, or at least short tempered. And, of course, he's always ready to drop the hammer whenever he deems it necessary which is pretty often. Basically, there are a lot of reasons I wouldn't pull a prank on Kenyon Martin.
Apparently, a former Nuggets ball boy felt differently, filling Martin's Range Rover with buttered popcorn. You can imagine how well that went over.
"That ain't no [expletive] joke," Martin said. "I'm going to find out who did it ... put my [expletive] hands on one of y'all. I'm going to put my hands on whoever did it. You better believe that. It's [expletive] personal. You better believe it."
After threatening violence, Kenyon then threatened to skip the playoffs if no one confessed. Yikes.
On one hand, April Fool's Day pranks are basically the worst unless you're between 6 and 12 years old. Grown-ups shouldn't really be trying to fool each other, should they? I don't think so either, so I at least "get" why Kenyon Martin is upset.
On the other hand — relax, Kenyon Martin. If someone pulls a prank on you, you don't necessarily threaten to "put hands" on them. That seems like a bit of an over-reaction. Especially, when you consider Kenyon is going to make more than $32 million between this season and next. He can probably afford to pick a new Range Rover or eight. Just be cool like Spencer Hawes(notes) was when he filled Jason Thompson's "'Scalade" with popcorn. It'll be okay.
In the end, everything turned out just fine.
"It was just an April Fools joke that went horribly wrong," said a member of the Nuggets organization who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "The kid thought it would be funny and it wasn't. Kenyon was back at practice today and everything was fine between him and his teammates."
To be fair to the ball boy, it would be kind of funny to see Kenyon Martin get really upset about popcorn in his truck. But do you really want to make Kenyon Martin that angry? Me neither.