Thu Oct 01 10:35am EDT
UPDATE: I knew something was fishy about this. In an email today, Tim Frank, NBA Vice President of Basketball Communications, said, "[The Boston Herald's] story is not true." Players are free to high five all they want. Up top, AK!
At first, I thought this was straight out of The Onion.
I thought The Boston Herald, RealGM or — heaven forbid — Deadspin were pulling my freakishly skinny leg and trying to get back at me for that one time I posted about the Clippers signing God to a one-day contract.
But no, it's real.
With the NBA fearful of the damage an H1N1 flu outbreak could create on the league, the league office has passed down an anti-handshake directive.
"Players and coaches have been asked to greet each other via more sanitary means of contact, like fist pounding, or maybe chest bumps.
One can only imagine what Utah's Jerry Sloan thinks about this.
'No handshaking,' Doc Rivers said. 'I think it's a good thing. A fist pound is just great.'"
That's what sh— stop it.
Signs of H1N1 are flu-like, including fever, cough, headache, muscle and joint pain, sore throat and runny nose, and sometimes vomiting and diarrhoea, so keep a close eye on your favorite player this season. Especially Andrei Kirilenko(notes) — he was jet skiiing with pigs all summer!