October 03, 2008
The Oklahoma City Thunder are fully operational these days, which means the likely end for a Golden State Warriors mascot that never really made any sense, because Thunder the mascot hardly brought a lot of joy to Mudville.
On Thursday, Warriors Prez Robert Rowell told this to the AP:
"We're clearly going to do something to accommodate Oklahoma City and not have our mascot named Thunder. For the sake of not making things confusing, we're going to do something. We just have to figure out a good exit strategy."
Exit strategy? You try to work those into important things, like sneaking out of some miserable dinner party or your girlfriend's ex's art exhibit. But Thunder? Just pull the plug.
We're not going to tell you that the men behind the Thunder suit didn't try their hardest, but the mascot's first appearance came in a season that saw the Warriors lose 14 of its first 15 games, and Latrell Sprewell choke his coach.
Or, choke him out of an initial burst of rage, and then attack him later in a premeditated move. Also, Felton Spencer.
So its 11-year run has hardly been what dreams are made of. Which is why we need a new mascot for the Warriors, and because (for whatever reason) the team has decided that an actual warrior won't work, we're asking you to try this two different ways.
First, is to take the Family Guy approach famously lampooned on South Park a few years ago. Two random descriptions followed by an equally random persona. So, "Bleached-Blonde Bolshevik Panda" or "Albanian Syphilitic Taxi Driver" works. Give it a try.
Secondly, after the three-pronged approach, you can throw out a simple suggestion. "The Lightning" or "The Felton," or my favorite, "The Stig."
We'll list the winners next week, with the top three winning a rubber chicken.