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Ball Don't Lie

Thu Sep 18, 2008 11:40 am EDT

Create-a-caption: Superman leads way in Rays' rout

By J.E. Skeets

The Tampa Bay (No Devil) Rays are making believers out of the Red Sox. The AL East-leading Rays beat the Red Sox 10-3 last night, moving closer to their first playoff berth with another "star-less" effort that's become their signature. Magic man Dwight Howard started for the Rays on forever days' rest, and had it not been for Red Sox slugger David Ortiz, he might have lasted long enough to qualify for the win. The victory moved Tampa Bay two games in front of Boston in the division. Best caption wins a pennant.

Update: Bugs & Cranks has video of Dwight's first pitch.


After the jump, Steve Nash buys a women's soccer team.


Winner, indeedproceed:
"And I was like Mountain Dew? More like Mountain Don't! .......... But seriously ladies, really what I'm looking for in a woman is someone who understands me. Someone who can dish ME an assist ... in the game we call life."

Runner-up, The King:
Nash: "Hey, if Isis can get on America's Next Top Model, I can play in the WPS."

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30 Comments

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  1. pumped_cobra
    1. Posted by pumped_cobra Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:22 pm EDT

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    Part of Boston's problem is they think they can turn it on when they need to. Maybe they can. They've done it twice against impossible odds.
    We'll see how good the Rays hold up under the pressure of the play-offs. They have had more luck than any team I have ever seen. I still think the Sox will beat them in the playoffs and next year people will be saying, Tampa who?, just like the Rockies.
  2. devin c
    2. Posted by devin c Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:44 pm EDT

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    Superman that throw.
  3. the REAL Headless Chicken
    3. Posted by the REAL Headless Chicken Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:12 pm EDT

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    Skeets wins. Close this one and open a new CaC, the competition didn't even get it as one...
  4. goathair
    4. Posted by goathair Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:10 pm EDT

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    Gooseneck, Dwight. Gooseneck.
  5. Red Dawn
    5. Posted by Red Dawn Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:11 pm EDT

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    Despite never having played baseball Dwight Howard's pitching motion still possesses better mechanics than his free throw.
  6. Red Dawn
    6. Posted by Red Dawn Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:11 pm EDT

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    With the pitching mound reminding him too much of the charity stripe, Dwight wildly hurled the ball outside of the zone 50% of the time.
  7. Red Dawn
    7. Posted by Red Dawn Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:11 pm EDT

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    Despite only playing one game Dwight Howard single-handedly ruined several fantasy baseball teams
  8. chaoz_golem
    8. Posted by chaoz_golem Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:21 pm EDT

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    Dwight Howard tries to imitate long time gymnastics idol Dominique Dawes.
    Torn shoulder ligament. Out for 6-8 weeks.
  9. Fadeaway J
    9. Posted by Fadeaway J Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:29 pm EDT

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    While not his equal on the hardwood, Dwight Howard becomes yet another basketball player who is better at baseball than Michael Jordan.
  10. Adam C
    10. Posted by Adam C Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:04 pm EDT

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    Now available in stores around the world. Limited edition Tampa Bay 'stretch-Armstrong' Dwight Howard.
  11. Scotty Magee
    11. Posted by Scotty Magee Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:08 pm EDT

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    Easy as free throws, whooops, I farted.
  12. Geoffrey
    12. Posted by Geoffrey Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:34 pm EDT

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    For some strange reason, Coco Crisp isn't getting into fights against the Rays anymore.
  13. The Rip City Commander
    13. Posted by The Rip City Commander Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:25 pm EDT

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    After being posterized by Rudy Fernandez in the Olympic Gold Medal Game, Dwight Howard officially retires from basketball...and instantly sucks at yet another sport.
  14. Corndogg
    14. Posted by Corndogg Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:49 pm EDT

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    Not even Superman's screwball can stop the surging Red Sox as the Rays collapse down the stretch.
  15. Phil R
    15. Posted by Phil R Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:47 pm EDT

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    Scooby Doo Where are you???
  16. Eric O
    16. Posted by Eric O Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:57 pm EDT

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    After leading the Rays to victory, Howard proceeded to "Crank that Soulja Boi" on the pitchers mound for the next 20 minutes.
  17. Mask Marval
    17. Posted by Mask Marval Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:26 pm EDT

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    My dream is to bean a bird mid air like Randy Johnson...victory shall be mine
  18. nathan h
    18. Posted by nathan h Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:37 pm EDT

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    Fed up with the criticism of his free throw shooting , Dwight takes up a sport where a 0.333 average is impressive, and a 0.590 average (his career FT%) is just simply amazing.
  19. Too much fantasy
    19. Posted by Too much fantasy Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:45 pm EDT

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    #16...ROFL
  20. Too much fantasy
    20. Posted by Too much fantasy Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:45 pm EDT

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    Howard thinking to himself..."this sucks...when are the Rays going to come out with a sleevless, compression shirt. How am I supposed to show off my guns in this blanket they call a jersey."
  21. Jaceman
    21. Posted by Jaceman Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:40 pm EDT

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    Howard normally would've rocketed the baseball a good 90 mph, but was hindered do to foreign objects on his shoulders believed to be called "sleeves".
  22. ty!
    22. Posted by ty! Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:00 pm EDT

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    Superman learns a new dance 'Gipsy that hoe'
  23. Xiang
    23. Posted by Xiang Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:43 pm EDT

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    After seeing Kobe's loss in the finals and realizing how tough it is to surpass MJ, Dwight tries to surpass MJ in another way.
  24. Eddie L
    24. Posted by Eddie L Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:52 pm EDT

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    Dwight (Thinking to Himself): I wish Orlando had their own baseball team. Yeah that would be awesome. I'd call them the "Orlando Justice League," and then i'd be able to actually call myself superman.
    (Keeps pondering): ... Yeah "Dwight Superman," really rolls off the tongue
  25. Older_than_Moses_Shaq
    25. Posted by Older_than_Moses_Shaq Thu Sep 03, 2009 2:56 pm EDT

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    Dwight Howard prepares to pitch to an angry David Ortiz. Howard had mistakenly referred to Big Poppy as Big Baby. Ortiz then charged the mound with bat in hand. Howard asked about his decision to take up baseball referred to it as one big error.

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Ball Don't Lie is an NBA blog edited by J.E. Skeets. Email him, and follow him on Twitter.

Contributors:
Kelly Dwyer, Rod Benson, Trey Kerby, Nick Friedell, Garbage Time All-Stars, Blair Johnson,

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