Create-a-caption: Dirk will play fair, play smart, and give his all

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Via ShareBro Goat, Both Teams Played Hard and Untitled Dallas Mavericks Project, comes quite possibly the greatest NBA photo of 2008: Dirk Nowitzki playing laser tag in a Santa hat. Yep. Best caption wins that planetary carpet. Good luck, folks.

After the jump, Doug Collins jokes with Ronnie.

Winner, Chris G:
Doug: "We never would have lost the '72 Olympic gold medal game if we had THIS guy on our team!!"
Gary: "Doug, in 1972 he wasn't born yet. His parents hadn't even gone to the Sadie Hawkins dance yet."
Doug: "Meh, whatever. Oh look, something shiny!!"

Runner-up, Iammachine:
"You hear him? He said 'maybe'! He said 'maybe'! Well that's it, then. I'll tell my agent to leak it to the press, and I should be your head coach in a matter of days ..."

Next » Suicide lines: Refs, Ellis bail out Nuggets; Wizards open to trades

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1. Posted by Ol' Leather Pumpkin Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:00 pm EDT
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Hard to keep your feet on the ground,
Because when we like to party
We only want to get down.
Oh, what a feeling!
When we're dancing on the ceiling!
----L. Richie
2. Posted by scooter281 Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:08 pm EDT
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In one of the stranger injuries in NBA history, Dallas Maverick's forward Dirk Nowitzki accidentally burned his retinas while playing "laser tag" at a local recreation center. Reports say Nowitzski, lacking the firearm experience of a typical NBA player, had the gun pointed the wrong way and shot himself.
3. Posted by baller13zg Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:58 pm EDT
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Having not understood the instructions, Dallas forward Dirk Nowitzki remembers the coach's memo that 'black is bad'. Nowitzki was unaware that he was referring to the San Antonio Spurs, and not the laser tag wall.
4. Posted by The Wiz Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:38 pm EDT
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Dirk in the casting try outs for Star Trek...Mark Cuban is directing the movie
5. Posted by y2andru Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:54 pm EDT
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Dirk travels back in time to assassinate Mark Cuban before he has a chance to complete the Jason Kidd for Devin Harris trade.
6. Posted by Hambone Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:17 pm EDT
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Dirk finds that his own free-wheeling Lazer Tag attack style is more effective than Rick Carlisle's methodical, flanking-intensive battle formations.
7. Posted by Sean M Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:10 pm EDT
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Here is Dirk showing off the new addition to his house.
Reporter: "So Dirk, how many kids do you have now?"
Dirk: "None... why?"
8. Posted by Phil M Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:48 pm EDT
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Dis is Da Dirkinator, I'm going to shoot you down...NOW
9. Posted by Trifecta37 Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:59 pm EDT
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Dirk Nowitzki, as seen in this photo, is trying to shoot away the Mavericks' troubles.
10. Posted by ty! Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:00 pm EDT
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Dirk takes a break from basketball to become the newest cast member of Chuck.
11. Posted by Josh Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:35 pm EDT
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With the most powerful laser tag gun ever assembled, Dirk Nowitzki zaps Santa Claus all the way from Dallas for not giving him what he wanted: an NBA championship.
12. Posted by Brad K Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:36 pm EDT
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With the same resilience and determination that Dirk displayed on the basketball floor, his post-NBA life as supermarket price checker in Baton Rouge took on the same form, as he tirelessly practiced price checks under every possible disaster, with the urgency of a mongoose.
Scenario #23: price check on canned yams during an earthquake in a space station
13. Posted by ryan m Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:34 pm EDT
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Earth’s last hope: Kaiser Dirk “no-hitz-ki” Nowitzki fighting intergalactic terrorists led by Lord KRAMBANUC (dead, not in photo) with his megaelectromagnetic gun.
14. Posted by dfhoops31 Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:42 pm EDT
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dirks like to suck it if u know what i mean germans are ga yy
15. Posted by Tito Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:09 pm EDT
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Well Jason isn't working....Maybe this will take out Kobe and Chris Paul and get me my ring.
16. Posted by Brandon G- Talkhoops.net Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:09 pm EDT
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Dirk: I can't believe David Hasselhoff built a lazer tag room in my basement. This is the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!
17. Posted by belhill12 Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:04 pm EDT
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Dirk Nowitzki, doing his best Charles Bronson, trains for his mission to take revenge on Dwyane Wade and the Miami Heat for stealing the 2006 NBA Championship.
18. Posted by Justin Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:44 pm EDT
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You're dead, President Lincoln! YOU'RE DEAD!
19. Posted by Chest Rockwell Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:08 pm EDT
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Dirk's offseason was spent fruitlessly trying to reclaim the youth he had lost to the phonographs and abbacus(es) of East Germany.
20. Posted by Trifecta37 Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:59 pm EDT
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Jason Kidd (not pictured): Time Out! Every time I shoot this thing, it seems to miss a little low of my target.
Rick Carlisle (behind orange pillar, ready to shoot Jason): Darn, it Jason! You always slow things down!
Dirk (sliding into scene and shooting at both): Kill the short bus! Kill the short bus!
21. Posted by nathan h Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:37 pm EDT
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Dirk is forced to sit in Timeout because he broke the "no running and rolling on the ground" rule. Off camara, Dwyane Wade is NOT being called for a foul for sprinting and crashing into people and using children as human shields.
22. Posted by Dennis Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:19 pm EDT
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"Man you see, this is my 'real gun'"
23. Posted by Jayjay Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:29 pm EDT
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and i thought jason kidd was the only kidd in dallas.
24. Posted by Jinno B Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:35 pm EDT
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Probably Dirk Nowitzi's best "shot" at the championship...
25. Posted by lamachine Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:36 pm EDT
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(monotone) "Ve are having fun. Isn't zis fun oh how much fun ve are having."