Ball Don't Lie - NBA

Ball Don't Lie

Tue May 06, 2008 12:50 pm EDT

Create-a-cap: So there's this lil' thing called the 'Ewing Theory'

By J.E. Skeets

Dwight Howard talks with assistant coach Patrick Ewing while playing the Pistons in Game Two of the Eastern Conference Semifinals last night. Both giants look worried. Best convo/caption wins a near mint 1988 Starting Lineup Ewing card.


After the jump, Kobe tells Pau when '10' is not enough.


Winner, Phantom Balls of Earl:
Kobe: "Okay, P-Gas. It's time you had your own signature gesture, like a Mutombo finger-wag. Do this: it's called the 'Crank the Pau-er up to eleven!' See the little knob-turning thing I'm doing? You're welcome." (Ed. Excellent work, Earl)

Runner-up, 29slim:
"Pau, put your tongue back in your mouth. There is only room for one MJ wanna-be on this team, and that's me."

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61 Comments

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  1. Roger Mason Jr. = Hero
    1. Posted by Roger Mason Jr. = Hero Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:09 pm EDT

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    No, Dwight. That towel won't protect you from Dwyer. Nothing can.
  2. Bar BQ
    2. Posted by Bar BQ Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:48 pm EDT

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    They should be worried- now down 2-0. Go PISTONS. PISTONS in 5.
  3. Mash
    3. Posted by Mash Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:09 pm EDT

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    Ewing: After you catch the ball, the next thing you wanna do son, is, - wait, you don't mind if I call you son, do you?
    Howard: No no, s'all good.
    2 minutes later..
    Patrick Ewing Jr. : Hi dad! Nice to see you called.
    Ewing Sr: About that...I kinda wanted to say I... disown you.
  4. the REAL Headless Chicken
    4. Posted by the REAL Headless Chicken Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:12 pm EDT

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    Dwight, if you throw that towel, it will still not be over.
    [ALT:]
    Dwight, if you throw that towel, it will be over.
  5. Danny Tam
    5. Posted by Danny Tam Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:25 pm EDT

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    Son, you might not win it this year.. But take it from me, take care of those knee's of yours and you'll never know..
    :)
  6. yang76
    6. Posted by yang76 Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:54 pm EDT

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    "OK, you did the Superman dunk, now do my idea - the Mother Teresa dunk. It's the one where you give away the game."
  7. Jermaine
    7. Posted by Jermaine Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:32 pm EDT

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    ewing: "I miss my high-top fade."
    howard: "I miss the Raptors post defense."
  8. agr
    8. Posted by agr Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:54 pm EDT

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    No Dwight, I don't think that Sheed is hiding Kryptonite under his sweatband.
  9. Jesse
    9. Posted by Jesse Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:46 pm EDT

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    Ewing: "Relax...No matter what happens, I won't let them trade you to the Knicks!"
  10. JUANLEVI
    10. Posted by JUANLEVI Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:53 pm EDT

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    Ewing: How about a vacation in Cancun, Dwight?
  11. TT
    11. Posted by TT Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:27 pm EDT

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    Ewing: First Superman, now Little Blue Riding Hood, grow up dude!
    Howard: But Rasheed Wallace looks like a bad,bad wolf! Don't send me out there!!
  12. denmark240
    12. Posted by denmark240 Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:41 pm EDT

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    DH: "The force was strong with you when you were with the Knicks, Master Ewing. However, I saw a game tape of yours with the Magic and your guidance will be no longer necessary."
    Ewing: "You underestimate my powers!!!!!!!"
  13. Urban Manatee
    13. Posted by Urban Manatee Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:37 pm EDT

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    Howard: "Does this towel make my skinny little chicken legs look better"
    Ewing: "sigh..."
  14. Harrison Keith
    14. Posted by Harrison Keith Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:19 pm EDT

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    I don't know Dwight...I left some pretty big shoes to fill here in Orlando. Think you're up to it?
  15. Trey
    15. Posted by Trey Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:59 pm EDT

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    "Sorry, Dwight. Trying to look like the Virgin Mary won't get you a miracle. You'll just have to win this game on your own."
  16. baller13zg
    16. Posted by baller13zg Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:58 pm EDT

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    Ewing: Dwight, I have something important to tell you.
    Howard: What, Coach E?
    Ewing: That guy, Rasheed Wallace, breathes kryptonite. That's why he screams at the refs - to release it into the air.
    Howard: Huh. It makes sense now. And all this time, I thought he was just full of hot air.
  17. MattK
    17. Posted by MattK Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:11 pm EDT

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    "Take that coddamned towel off yo' head - you s'posed to be Superman, not E.T.!"
  18. Patrick Chewing
    18. Posted by Patrick Chewing Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:02 pm EDT

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    "You are the only survivor of the planet Krypton. Even though you've been raised as a human, you are not one of them. You have great powers, only some of which you have as yet discovered. . . So why the hell can't you seem to do anything against frickin Maxiell?"
  19. Ian A
    19. Posted by Ian A Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:54 pm EDT

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    Dwight: Are you there, God?
    Ewing: The Pistons have gone to the conference finals 5 times in a row. . .there is no God.
  20. Dan F
    20. Posted by Dan F Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:42 pm EDT

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    Ewing: You see that guy up there in the corner? Just say the word and we will have Theo Ratliff assassinated. Just say the word.
  21. FreshManny
    21. Posted by FreshManny Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:23 pm EDT

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    Ewing: Okay, Superman, you must fly around the world and make time reverse! Only then can you get the 5.2 seconds that were metaphysically stolen in a scheme hatched by Chauncey "Lex Luther" Billups and his cohorts, the referees.
  22. JD
    22. Posted by JD Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:44 pm EDT

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    Ewing: "Is this the little girl I carried? . . . "
    Both: "Sunrise . . . Sunset . . ."
  23. TBL
    23. Posted by TBL Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:57 pm EDT

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    Ewing: "Dwight don't take it so hard big guy... you win some, you lose some."
    Dwight: *sigh*
    Ewing: "Awww you want a juice box?"
    Dwight: *sniffle* "NO!!!!!.....yes."
    Ewing: "Alright lets get you a juice box.."
  24. mark i
    24. Posted by mark i Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:08 pm EDT

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    "You know what, Dwight? I'll just go."
  25. 29slim
    25. Posted by 29slim Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:17 pm EDT

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    Dwight: "Hey, Coach. Do you think wearing a a pair of your old knee pads would help?"
    Patrick: "I thought you'd never ask. I have a pair in my trunk. I'll be right back."

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Ball Don't Lie is an NBA blog edited by J.E. Skeets. Email him, and follow him on Twitter.

Contributors:
Kelly Dwyer, Rod Benson, Trey Kerby, Nick Friedell, Garbage Time All-Stars, Blair Johnson,

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