Ball Don't Lie - NBA

(Steve Sanders, baby.) City of Orlando Mayor Buddy Dyer (little guy, left) presents Dwight Howard with a key to the Fortress of Solitude for his Olympic gold medal performance, as the Magic unveil their new/retro pinstripe threads. Best caption/imaginary conversation wins a key to my bike lock. Best of luck.

After the jump, Joe Alexander plots world domination.

Winner, Mash:

After failed attempts with Yao Mng and Yi Jianlian, new photographic evidence indicates that "Joe Alexander" is, in fact, a mole sent by the Chinese government to track and bring down Jack Bauer once and for all.

Runner-up, Justin:
Based on the length of his pants, Joe Alexander's diabolical plot involves flooding the planet.

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