Tue May 24 12:00pm EDT
Hey, Nate Robinson(notes): Just wanted to touch base to let you know that the yelling, screaming, being small, getting smaller, unbridled energy, indefatigable excitement and bench enthusiasm are all great. Top-notch. Precisely what we here at the Oklahoma City Thunder are looking for out of you. Winning a championship means everybody pitching in and playing their role to the best of their ability. On behalf of the entire organization, I appreciate you doing your part.
Just one note, though: You're on the court again. See your feet? Yep. I know, you probably didn't even realize it, but remember what we talked about? How you're not going to be on the floor during games anymore? At all? Under any set of circumstances? And in exchange, we'll pay you an off-the-books bonus related to the number of extraneous vowels you include in your hashtags? It's a fair deal, Nate. Let's stick to it, OK?
And hey, seriously: Great job out there.
Best caption wins a talking-to from management. Good luck.
Second runner-up, Mr: Shawn has serious regrets over getting "Grab It" tattooed on the back of his neck.