May 13, 2011
C'mon, Erik Spoelstra. What's the matter? Your Miami Heat just dusted the Boston Celtics to advance to the Eastern Conference Finals. You've got arguably the two best players in the world playing maybe their best ball of the season. And people have, for the most part, finally stopped pronouncing your last name "Spo-lestra," like that fat substitute in chips that caused anal leakage, which is awesome.
(It's awesome that they stopped, I mean. Anal leakage isn't awesome. Not that I'd know from personal experience; I heard about it from a friend. He doesn't go to this school. He lives in Niagara Falls. You wouldn't know him.)
Everything seems to be coming up roses for you — ooh, bad choice of words ... let's say, "coming up Boganses." So why so glum, chum? Turn that frown upside down, Cade McNown, and stop pulling on your face, Ma$e. It's all good!
What's got Coach Spo so bummed? Best caption wins an unreleased video game called "Sadness," which probably would have been among the sadder things of all time. Good luck.
NOTE: There aren't too many things better than the idea of Nate Robinson criticizing a point guard for being too much of a gunner. Sure, it's basic, but it's a hoot, you know?
Runner-up, CM NBA: After his barrage from beyond the arc, Nate convinces Eric that three-contacts are superior to three-goggles.
Second runner-up, Mr: Robinson: "For the last time, Bruce Willis' character was dead THE WHOLE TIME."
NOTE: Pretty rude to spoil "Live Free and Die Hard" like that, Mr. Mr. Not cool.