December 08, 2011
Come on, DeMar DeRozan(notes) and Ed Davis(notes). You know that if there's one thing I hate, it's a sneak, and if there's two things I hate, it's a pair of sneaks who are sneaking around trying to find their presents before Christmas. If you can't act nice, and instead are going to act like naughty sneaks, then maybe you won't get any presents this year. Is that what you want? Because there are a lot of kids all over Canada who might actually appreciate getting gifts enough to not be all sneaking and creeping about it. Think I'm kidding? Keep it up, guys.
I swear, sometimes you young Toronto Raptors make it hard for me to stay in the spirit of the season. I really do swear.
Also, what are you even thinking about in your sneaking technique (maybe techsnique?)? You are a combined 161 inches tall and you are crawling around in the middle of the floor in a well-lit room. Did you really think we weren't going to see you? That's ridiculous.
Best caption wins what kids, parents and everyone else really needs this time of year. Good luck.
In our last adventure: Mama, there goes that sad, sad man.
Winner, IAN: "Crap. They turned off the mic and I still need a ride home."
Runner-up, Mr. Jones: "Nobody ever pays ME in Trident Layers."
Second runner-up, Azv321: "It's been so lonely without you here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me, Jeffrey, where did I go wrong?
I could put my arms around every Van Gundy I see
But they'd only remind me of you
I went to the doctor and guess what he told me?
Guess what he told me?
He said, 'Mark, you better try to have fun
No matter what you do'
But he's a fool!
Because nothing compares,
Nothing compares 2 U."