Ball Don't Lie - NBA

C-a-C: Jose Calderon’s lockout plan seems unsound

I know network executives can be very convincing, Jose Calderon(notes). But I'm not so sure "The €64,000 Seesaw Layup Game" has a lengthy future on television in Spain, and I'm also not bullish on the prospects of its American analog, "The $91,436.80 Seesaw Layup Game."

It needs to be, like, "Seesaw Layup Factor," where you try to make scoop shots while a bummer of a dude who's way angry at ladies throws bugs at you or something. Or "Love Seesaw Layup Connection," where you go on a "seesaw date," which is what it's called when you sit on the seesaw, to find out if you're compatible, then tell a "woooooo"-friendly studio audience whether or not you smooched. (I bet you did, but not where peoples' butts touch it, because you are a gentleman!)

If this lockout lasts, those are the kinds of programs you should be looking to get in development, Jose. That's what audiences want to see.

Best caption wins some super fun guitar rock for a Friday. (R.I.P., Jay Reatard.) Good luck.

In our last adventure: Dirk Nowitzki(notes) patiently tries to overcome his lack of depth perception and pick up the O'Brien.

C-a-C: Jose Calderon’s lockout plan seems unsoundWinner, Sebastian T: "It was within LeBron's reach, like this."

Runner-up, Mr: "I saw what you did to J-Kidd, trophy. I am not falling for that. I will not look into your ... precious."

Second runner-up, JD: "I could stay awake
Just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming ..."

NOTE: Don't sit there and act like imagining Dirk Nowitzki singing Aerosmith to 14.5 pounds of sterling silver, vermeil and 24-karat gold overlay isn't a pretty beautiful mental image.

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