Ball Don't Lie - NBA

The BDL NBA Power Rankings combine two parts iced tea with one part flippant observation to create the most unbalanced ranking possible, and to offer the least accurate look at the state of the NBA on a weekly basis. If you disagree with your team's spot, go crazy in the comments or spit venom via email.

1. Boston CelticsGlen Davis' pets may hate him, he's probably smoking again, but the payoff is that the Celtics are winning. And that's what it’s about. Not friendships, or life partners, or [You Can't Say That In Power Rankings]. Winning. [Kelly Dwyer]

2. Cleveland Cavaliers — With apologies to Kurt and The Kamenetzky Bros., And One deserves this. The Cavs just tied a league mark by winning eight games in a row by 12 or more points. They share the record with the '90 Blazers, the '96 Bulls, the '03 Pistons and the '07 Rockets. Good company. [J.E.]

3. Los Angeles Lakers — To be completely honest, this team is probably ranked too high. Kobe's such a ballhog, Phil Jackson's never had to coach a team without stars, and Andrew Bynum's real age is 34. Also, the Lakers might not lose again for the rest of the year. [KD]

4. Portland Trail BlazersBrandon Roy has an old soul. [J.E.]

5. Denver Nuggets — Who saw this ascension? Kenyon Martin, the crystal ball he found in the back of a Shoney's parking lot, and his creepy-ass van. That's who. And what. And where. Don't know when. [KD]

6. Orlando Magic — SVG's Magic Men are coming off three straight wins against the Wolves, Thunder and Clips, but they still haven't looked all that sharp. It'll be interesting to see how they fare against the Phoenixs and Utahs of the West. Foreshadowing. [J.E.]

7. Dallas Mavericks — We're ranking them this high because of the terms of our community service. The judge decided that this was about the same thing as hanging out in nursing homes. "Tell us again about George McCloud, Mr. Kidd …" [KD]

8. San Antonio Spurs — Surprise, surprise! The Spurs are starting to round into form with the family reunion of Manu, TD and Tony. Honestly, you can't kill this team. You can only hope to lock 'em in the pantry. [J.E.]

9. Houston Rockets — Ninth in the rankings, ninth in our hearts, nine healthy players if you count two cheerleaders, nine points per quarter, nine steps for Yao Ming per righty hook, nine broken plays for Ron Artest per half, nine front-rimmed treys for Rafer Alston a game, nine amber waves of grain on Shane Battier's head, number nine, number nine, number nine ... [KD]

10. New Orleans Hornets — Lost: One Southwest Division champion. Last seen wearing teal. If spotted, please return to New Orleans Arena, Girod Street, New Orleans, LA 70113. Come back soon." Hornets Hype misses you. [J.E.]

11. Utah Jazz — Maybe a coaching change would help? [KD]

12. New Jersey Nets — "Effort cannot be taught, but with effort you can achieve anything!" — Vince Carter, blogging. [J.E.]

13. Atlanta Hawks — "To whoever finds this bottle: Hopefully 2009 is treating you well. You've likely suffered through some economic hardship, but surely there are some promising signs on the horizon. Also, if you're the general manager of the team that signed Mike Bibby over the summer, thinking he'd play as he was playing when I wrote this note, you are a giant dope. Say hi to your mother for me, OK? That's what we used to say in 2008." [KD]

14. Phoenix Suns — "The best way to secure happiness is 2 b az happy as u can everyday." — Shaquille O'Neal, Twittering. (Also, The Punisher, two Shaq thumbs up!) [J.E.]

15. Miami HeatDwyane Wade is the most exciting player in the league, it's not even close, it's not even up for debate, it shouldn't even be argued over. And now that I've come through with some certainties considering an opinion that cannot be gauged or measured, ESPN will probably try to hire me away from Yahoo! Sports. [KD]

16. Detroit Pistons — Chris Sheridan, on the inside, suggests the Pistons might have looked a step slow against the Knicks because "many of [Coach] Curry's players were out late Saturday night in Manhattan watching Oscar De la Hoya get beat up by Manny Pacquiao." Stomach punch. [J.E.]

17. Indiana Pacers — It turns out that Rasho Nesterovic is playing better than anyone involved in the T.J. Ford/Jermaine O’Neal deal, and Rasho probably knew that all along. He's incorrigible! [KD]

18. Chicago BullsLuol Deng produced his first back-to-back 20-point games of the season after hitting 21 at Milwaukee on Wednesday, then adding a season-high 26 against the Wiz on Saturday. Deng credited his turnaround to Derrick Rose who threatened him with a Granny Smith apple and a paring knife. [J.E.]

19. Milwaukee Bucks — So Charlie Bell (8 PER) and Joe Alexander (9 PER) are horrible now, but Dan Gadzuric (14.5 PER) is just fine. Whatever. Dan looks like Billy Crystal in Running Scared. [KD]

20. New York Knicks — Remember that student who was arrested outside Madison Square Garden last season for selling 'Fire Isiah' shirts? Well, he's back, and this time he's got 2010 on his mind/chest. [J.E.]

21. Toronto Raptors — Maybe Smitch was a big problem, but the rumor that had Bryan Colangelo trying to trade for Al Harrington may have sealed some things for me. Because the Raptors need another 3/4 tweener who isn't lights out from long range and can't rebound. [KD]

22. Philadelphia 76ersRoland Laird predicts that his Sixers will be battling New York, Chicago, and Indiana for that final playoff spot in the East. "I'll take, 'Things You Wouldn't Have Read In October' for $500, Alex." [J.E.]

23. Charlotte BobcatsEmeka Okafor has as many assists (seven) this season as the Bobcats have wins. [KD]

24. Memphis Grizzlies — OK, seriously, where in the world is Matt Moore? I'm starting to get worried. [JE]

25. Los Angeles Clippers —Zach Randolph already has as many three-point field goals this year (four) for Los Angeles as the Clippers have wins. [KD]

26. Washington WizardsDO NOT CLICK THIS LINK. [J.E.]

27. Golden State Warriors —Marco Belinelli has as many three-pointers (six), steals (six), turnovers (six), and assists (six) this season as the Warriors have wins. Whoa. [KD]

28. Sacramento Kings — Reggie Theus is running out of lunch money: "Every time that we have played a team that has been physical, a team that has gone after us physically, we backed off and we backed up." [J.E.]

29. Minnesota Timberwolves —Sebastian Telfair is shooting 24 of 75 (32 percent) on two-pointers this season. So you can check "no" on that box. [KD]

30. Oklahoma City ThunderKevin Durant's new kicks: better or worse than the Thunder's 2-20 record? [J.E.]

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