August 08, 2008
Ball Don't Lie — with help from The Blowtorch — continues to try and answer one of life's greatest questions: If the Beijing Olympics were just for NBA players, who would win gold? Up next: good ol' racquet events.
Gold: Jose Calderon — Simply put, Spanish men dominate the world tennis scene. Currently holding five of the top 25 spots in the world rankings, the Spaniards are in a class by themselves. Not surprisingly, the steady Jose Calderon carries on in that tradition. While he may not have the flair of a Nadal or Moya, Jose won't beat himself. Must be something in the paella.
Silver: Thabo Sefolosha | Bronze: Sasha Vujacic ("Machine camp at baseline.")
Gold: Yi Jianlian — A simple Google search for "NBA Badminton" takes you from Northumberland County to Nottinghamshire, displaying bizarro NBAs throughout the world. However, the finest badmintoners in all the land come from the Far East. While Yao's wingspan is impressive, Yi's fluidity and creativity when creating various shots (drops, lifts, drives — you know, the basics) overwhelm his compatriot. No word yet on LeBron's plans for badminton domination.
Silver: Yao Ming | Bronze: Dan Gadzuric
Gold: Steve Nash — Mikael Andersson, Canada's table tennis coaching director (yes, Canada has a ping pong team; they practice on ice), says there are three key words to keep in mind when watching the world's fastest sport on Masonite: speed, spin, placement. Boom. Nash. Speed? He already won silver in the 4x100 relay. Spin? Check the highlight bounce pass around a defender. Placement? Ask Amare Stoudemire's wallet.
Silver: Jason Kidd | Bronze: Deron Williams / Chris Paul
Previous All-NBA Olympics:
Ballers who would medal in track and field, part I
Ballers who would medal in gymnastics
Ballers who would medal in combat events
Ballers who would medal in track and field, part II
Ballers who would medal in water events
Later: Ballers who would medal in other miscellaneous Olympic events.