Check it out. Notice anything unusual about the photo above? Yep, the only white male you can see above is that pasty dude in the sunglasses at right, and he's not even really in the photo. This is the group shot from NASCAR's sixth Drive for Diversity tryouts. Twelve of the above crew will compete to get a full ride in 2009, part of 10 teams in the Whelen Series and another four in the Camping World Series.

The program hasn't yet produced anybody you've really heard of, but that'll come. It's part of an overall move for NASCAR to improve diversity efforts; make sure you check out Bonkowski's profile of Brad Daugherty for another angle on the broadening of NASCAR's base.

And if all the drivers have the same attitude as Trista Stevenson (front row, second from left), it's only a matter of time before one breaks through. Check out her response to the male racers who raise an eyebrow at her presence on the track:

“They don’t think that girls can do it. Why? I don’t know,” she said. “We’re just like a guy except in a girl body. They’ll rough you up and try to take you out. If you let them take you out, they’re going to do it every week. You’ve just got to pound them back and show them that I’m not going to give up just because you’re a guy and I’m a 17 year-old girl.”

Can I get an amen from the ladies?

One other thing -- everybody in that group is between ages 17 and 29. Is there no room for the aged among the diverse? Say, a blogger on the far side of 30? Really? Please? Hello? Hello ... ?

After the jump, Jeff Gordon, Ingrid Vandebosch and Rick Hendrick have a little tete-a-tete.

Wow. I had no idea there were so many variations on "bump-drafting." None of which are reprintable here.

razz:
Jeff demonstrates his intellect as he shows how he often ends up in a tie while playing rock, paper, scissors solitaire.

Reds24:
Jeff - Let's light the tires and kick the fires, big dadd... oops, I mean... let right the fires and drive the tires? noooo... Come ON Rick (pushing his shoulders) you just watched this movie with me, what does that hunky Tom Cruise say?

It appears that there is no post-season NASCAR anything scheduled on the ESPN networks right now. After a while, the racing footage reverts back to the NASCAR Media Group. It really comes down to this group and the NASCAR TV partners planning in advance for some off-season specials. Those could range from Humpy Wheeler interviews to edited race highlights with new reactions from the participants.

SPEED stepped-up to the plate and produced some testing coverage in January, but that is not the same as long-form edited or live programming that covers the sport in the way it used to be covered.

Apparently, there will be no end-of-season roundtables with NASCAR journalists, no final all-NASCAR Wind Tunnel special and no final grouping of the TV personalities who worked all season long to bring the fans NASCAR coverage.

Why? Blame America's fast-food mentality. NASCAR programming is a commodity, a chunk of content to be slotted in alongside reruns and reality TV. If there's no compelling, of-the-moment event -- i.e. a race -- NASCAR gets shunted to the side until Daytona rolls around again in February.

The problem, as TDR notes, is the lack of a dedicated NASCAR TV channel. Football has one, golf has one, the New York Yankees have one (it's called ESPN). Spread so thin over so many networks, NASCAR can easily be shunted aside, since no one network has made the all-in season-long commitment to racing. It's a version of the same problem hockey is having, as my man Wyshynski noted a few weeks back. Since programming directors often don't "get" NASCAR, in the same way sports editors don't "get" hockey, NASCAR can be pushed to the sidelines to make way for more easily-digestible shows.

In an uncertain world, you go for the certainties -- football, Seinfeld reruns, and comfortable dramas that wrap up their problems in 60 minutes, including commercials. NASCAR's TV deal was supposed to get the sport wide exposure across a variety of platforms. Instead, it's turned the sport into disposable niche programming.

Huh. So we're looking at two-plus months of very little NASCAR television to occupy us. Looks like we're all going to be on The Marbles full-time, eh, friends?

Hey, here's a task for you readers out there. I'm always looking for new NASCAR sites -- new blogs, new places to check out, new borderline-creepy obsessive driver fan sites. Outside of The Marbles, what are your favorite sites to visit? Got any recommendations?

And if you happen to run a NASCAR blog or site and you'd like to get on our blogroll there at right, hit me up at nascarmarbles@yahoo.com and give me your address and details.

I now turn the site over to you to do with as you wish. Plenty more coming this week, including the kickoff of a couple of new series. If you're bummed that your driver isn't getting much virtual ink since he isn't in the Chase, fear not; we're going to spread the love around a bit. Enjoy the evening, and don't worry about cleaning up after yourselves. We've got interns to handle that!

“This car feels pretty good,” defending series champion Carl Edwards said. “It’s a lot faster than I thought it was going to be. It’s a little different than the other cars we run because it seems like has a little bit more front downforce, which makes it turn real well. That’s good. At a place like this, it seems like you can’t ever get them to turn. It’s nice to have a car that turns like that.”

(Kevin Harvick replied with "That's what your mom said," and the two started fighting all over again. Won't those silly geese ever stop?)

Anyway, NASCAR has designed the Nationwide CoT to split the difference between, I dunno, a Lamborghini and a brick, and apparently succeeded fairly well. Bryan Clauson (pictured) was a bit more reserved but still optimistic:

“It’s a little bit different,” Clauson said of the new car. “It’s kind of right in the middle of the [Cup] COT car and the current [Nationwide] car. You’ve got a little less downforce, and they act a little bit different. You’re slower down the straightaways. They’ve been better than I expected. For us, it’s not quite as good as Richmond went, but it’s definitely not bad. It’s close. We’ve got to get it a little bit more drivable for us so we’d be able to race it.”

The new car will roll out in 2010. Testing hasn't so far included side-by-side racing, but what do you need to do that for, anyway, right?

NASCAR drivers liking a change to their vehicles. Sheesh. Next you're going to tell me that Chinese Democracy is actually coming out after all.

(Hat tip: Honey Bunny)

After the jump, Kyle Busch thinks pink.

There were plenty of "pink" and "Busch" jokes that I really can't reference here, but you can use your imagination. Many of you already did. Rest assured, you made me laugh out loud. Seriously, not in the LOL way.

Big-14-fan goes for the old-school romance:
kyle:
i feel pretty, oh, so pretty, i feel pretty and witty and bright! and i pity any girl who isn't me tonight.
i feel charming, oh, so charming it's alarming how charming i feel! and so pretty that i hardly can believe i'm real.
see the pretty boy in that mirror there: who can that attractive boy be? such a pretty face, such a pretty firesuit,
such a pretty smile, such a pretty me! i feel stunning and entrancing, feel like running and dancing for joy,
for i'm loved by a pretty wonderful crew! 

Not a caption, but a nice pickup by Stranger in Town:
Dale Jarrett commented during the race that one of the pink cars (can't remember which one in particular) was painted for "breast awareness." He quickly caught himself and corrected it to "breast cancer awareness."

I think they're all pretty much aware of breasts...

Recession? What recession? Each week, we bring you the greatest in NASCAR-themed knickknackery. Send your suggestions to

The item: NASCAR scented candles

The cost: $36.10 at Sports Nut Shop.

The deal: NASCAR scented candles. Okay, fine. But, first question: what are they scented like? Burning tires? Gasoline? Burnt meat and whiskey? Failure? (No, wait ... one of them is of Jimmie Johnson. That doesn't work.) Second question: where do you use such a candle? In the bathroom? When you're working the romantic angle with your honey? When your power's been cut off because you've spent so much money on NASCAR goodies? So many questions, so few candles.

The hat tip: Reader Tammy. Keep on sending those links, folks!

You've got your choice -- either the standard 4x8 brick or an 8x8 square that can be adorned with your favorite driver's image. The former will cost you $150, the latter will set you back three bills. You can put all kinds of text, messages, love letters, what have you on the bricks, presumably with some exceptions. ("HERE LIE JUNIOR'S CHAMPIONSHIP HOPES" probably won't make the grade.)

Which is where you folks come in. Come up with your best slogan for a brick -- three lines max, 64 characters per line. Who knows ... if you bring enough of the funny, maybe we'll spring for a Marbles one! (You think they'd allow http://www.fromthemarbles.com/ on there? Probably not.)

Anyway, get composing. Cut loose! (Thanks to reader Honey Bunny for the tip.)

But this being America, race is on everyone's minds. And NASCAR has become handy shorthand for white racism. You know the routine: "We all know NASCAR is racist. So, with that as a given, let's just plow right ahead with our argument ... "

One of my sworn missions at The Marbles -- in addition to showing ridiculous pictures of drivers and making them say funny things -- is to stamp out that kind of argumentative fallacy wherever it appears. And hoo boy, did it appear on Friday at Sports on My Mind, in a piece entitled "NASCAR and the Chasm Between Black and White."

I see these kinds of articles every so often, and I usually let them pass, because they're at a small site or they're written by people who aren't professional writers. This one was done by a talented guy whose work I've enjoyed for quite some time, and it was picked up by several different websites and reprinted without comment. Until now.

Here's the thing: DWil, the writer, makes some very important points in his article, but they get completely buried by the misconceptions, exaggerations, and half-truths herein. There is important, rational dialogue that has to take place about racism in NASCAR, but it will never take place in an environment where people work from the assumption that NASCAR has racism embedded in its DNA. (It's the photo-negative of the assumption that the NBA is nothing but tattooed thugs, which I also take issue with, just as fervently.)

So, in the tradition of the great Fire Joe Morgan, I'd like to examine this article from a slightly different point of view. [Very important aside: My differences with DWil are with his ideas as expressed in this article, not with him as a person. Any personal attacks on the guy will be deleted. That's not what we're here for.]

So, let's begin with our deconstruction of "NASCAR and the Chasm Between Black and White." Settle in, folks, this one's going to take awhile:

Kevin Harvick and Carl Edwards had an altercation in Harvick's garage stall Thursday at the Lowe's Motor Speewday in Concord, North Carolina. The fight between the two drivers is just the latest physical incident between NASCAR drivers in 2008.The beginning of the 2009 [sic] season began with Richard Childress Racing teammates Clint Bowyer and Jeff Burton fighting at Daytona

They had a heated conversation about strategy and miscommunication during a race. If that's the definition of a "fight," then Terrell Owens gets into a fight every time he comes off the field.

and has continued unabated throughout the year. The following month [sic; it was actually several days before] Tony "Smoke" Stewart hit Kurt Busch in the NASCAR garage after a practice session for the Bud Shootout.

Allegedly, but yeah, it probably happened. But it was behind closed doors, like the fights that often occur in locker rooms when the media isn't around. And it also (allegedly) happened because Busch called Tony "fatty." That warrants a beating, in my mind.

Later on May, again at Daytona [sic], Tony Eury, Jr., crew chief for the No. 88 Chevrolet driven by Brad Keselowski, along with JR Motorsports crew member Michael Sandlin, and Jordan Allen, another JR Motorsports crew member, were all suspended and fined after an altercation at the famous speedway.

Denny Hamlin and Keselowski fought at Lowe's.

All of these were the same fight, and it was at Lowe's, not Daytona.

Stewart was again engaged in shoving match with a USAC (United States Auto Club) official at famed Indianapolis speedway [sic; it was in Indianapolis but at another track].

True, but that's not NASCAR. It'd be the equivalent of blaming the NBA if Kobe Bryant got into a fight while watching the team he owns in Italy. And Stewart got fined by NASCAR anyway.

Todd Bodine was penalized after a fight in New Hampshire.

Well, his crew was, not Bodine himself. But close enough. (Oh, and this event and the Hamlin one didn't occur in the Sprint series; the equivalent would be tagging Major League Baseball for fights in the minors or the NBA for D-League fights. Just to put this all in context.)

The list goes on indefinitely.

Does ‘indefinitely' mean ‘ends right here'? Because I cover NASCAR for a living, and that's pretty much the end of it for ‘08. To sum up:

Fights between drivers in public view: 3

Fights between drivers behind closed doors: 1 (allegedly)

Fights involving NASCAR drivers, but not at NASCAR races: 1

Heated disagreements: 1

That's four, maybe five real fights in nine months. That's "unabated"? Come on. Baseball has more bench-clearing brawls than that in a decent summer.

Smoke Stewart has been in one more altercation (two) than he has wins (one) this season;

That's pretty funny, actually.

and that win - at the most recent NASCAR Chase race at Talledega (the AMP Energy 500) - was a gift from NASCAR officials. Stewart has been fined so many times in his career for physical altercations and verbally abusing everyone from fans to officials that these incidents have become a running joke among NASCAR drivers and aficionados.

But they are no joke. And neither are any of the fights that occur in NASCAR.

In this day when fans and the sporting press yearns for positive role models NASCAR drivers have become an anathema on the sports landscape. Forget all the football, basketball, and baseball players who have had run-ins with the police for DUI or speeding. Forget all the steroids and HGH abusers. Forget the potheads.

What the --? You can't DO that! You can't just throw out the worst examples of other leagues to make your point! That's like saying, "Forget murder! Forget theft! Our worst criminals are the people who steal gummi bears from bulk food bins at grocery stores! Therefore, Jay Busbee is worse than Hitler!" Check the arrest records, check the drug test results. NASCAR is far cleaner than most other major sports. Long as we're making sweeping generalizations, I'd rather see two drivers throwing each other around than a drunk NFL player careening toward my family's car any day of the week, how about you? (Though I am down with forgetting the potheads.)

When Carl Edwards takes Kevin Harvick and slams his head into the hood of Harvick's car hard enough to dent it and must be put into a headlock to be restrained (according to ESPN's Marty Smith), there is something fundamentally wrong with the white world of NASCAR.

And indeed there would be - if there was anything even remotely accurate in that retelling. Read it yourself -- here's what Smith wrote:

According to reports Harvick then shoved Edwards in retaliation, forcing Edwards onto the hood of the No. 33 Chevy. No. 33 crew chief Rick Ren pointed to a dent in the hood where he said Edwards landed.

Does that sound like "slammed his head into the hood" to you? It was Edwards who hit the hood, not Harvick, and it sounds like he hit it with his ass or back, not his head. But "slammed his head into the hood" sure does make it sound worse, doesn't it? Long as we're creating stories out of whole cloth, let me try:

"Carl Edwards pulled a knife AND a gun on Kevin Harvick! Harvick responded by ripping the head off a puppy, drinking its blood, and throwing the corpse at a busload of visiting orphans! These NASCAR drivers MUST be stopped!"

And if the fights, the verbal abuse of fans,

Who's abusing the fans? These are my people! Let me at these abusers!

the continuous cheating in garages in an effort to illegally make cars faster,

Bad NASCAR. Nobody else in any sport ever cheats. Nobody tries to steal signs or throw an elbow when the ref's not looking or shoot themselves up with bull semen to hit balls to Kyoto. Bad, bad NASCAR.

and the constant attempts to spin opponents out at 180 miles per hour and send them careening into a wall

It's not real tough to spin somebody into a wall if you want to. If these guys were "attempting to spin opponents out," they could do it. It's also a great way to end your own career. Again, it makes for a good soundbite ... but no connection whatsoever to reality.

aren't enough, when minorities attempt to enter the world of NASCAR they are met with racist treatment reserved for the America of the 1800s.

See, this is where things really go off the rails. NASCAR has a horrible image problem. I will be the first to stand right up and say NASCAR has to get its act together, racially speaking, and fast. But tarring the entire sport with language like "racist treatment" from "the 1800s"? Come on. I won't even demean the honor of those who suffered in that era by making jokes, but I think we can all think of a few ways that NASCAR is most definitely NOT like the 1800s. This is the kind of approach that makes people dig in their heels, not look for common ground.

This isn't the "good ol' days" of stock car racing; the days of Cale Yarborough and Richard Petty, This is 2008. This is an auto racing association that is a multi-billion dollar business, complete with a CEO at its helm. Yet the white men of NASCAR run around the United States like it is the Wild West of shoot em' up lore instead of conducting themselves like professional athletes in every other major sport - including golf - are expected to carry themselves.

Wait, golf is a sport now? (Kidding, kidding!)

In every other sport it is a must that athletes conduct their affairs, from on court or field or course behavior, to postgame interviews, to their private time, with aplomb.

And yet thank heaven they don't, or there'd be no reason for Deadspin to exist.

Those who do not act in compliance with their leagues' and association's desires and mandates are fined and suspended, and regularly raked through the coals by the sporting press.

And lionized as franchise saviors, too. Don't forget that.

Yet Brian France, NASCAR's CEO decided this year to relax the rules regarding fighting:

With television ratings slipping for a second consecutive year, NASCAR chairman Brian France announced in January that stock-car racing officials wouldn't be so quick to punish drivers for bad behavior in 2008.

The time had come, France conceded, to loosen the grip on a rule book that many felt was squelching drivers' personalities and encourage them to vent their emotions, giving fans new reasons to cheer or jeer.

What?!

Imagine the uproar if NBA Commissioner David Stern decided to allow on-court fights to go unpunished, or to give warnings to the participants instead of automatic fines and suspensions because ratings are down in the post-Michael Jordan NBA era. Imagine the response by the media if NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell told NFL players that as long as the helmets come off first, a la gloves in hockey, it is fine with him if there's a scuffle or two to help further grow ratings.

"Venting emotions" is a long way from "fighting." LONG way. There's a huge difference between saying, "You won't get fined for speaking your mind" and "Whip somebody's ass whenever you feel like it! Carte blanche!"

Can you say, ‘Congressional hearings?'

I can. I can also say "irrelevant," "straw man," "fallacious connectivity," and "different organizations are entitled to run their operations as they see fit, for good and for ill."

But in the case of NASCAR, most people outside of the sport have no idea France relaxed the rules. In fact, it was only last year that ESPN.com Page 2 writer LZ Granderson challenged fans to be more sensitive of people in NASCAR and attempted to equate the term "redneck" as used to describe fans of NASCAR and NASCAR insiders, with the word "nigger."

And Granderson is black.

Hell of a good article. Highly recommended reading.

Do you think you'll ever hear of a white NASCAR writer fight for the opposite of Granderson's wishes? Only if he never wants to be welcome in a garage again he will.

Wait, what? This one confused the hell out of me. So, a white NASCAR writer would actually fight for NASCAR fans to be LESS racially sensitive? What rational human being would do that? I'd call for his (or her) head in a heartbeat. (And by the above "NASCAR is racist" rationale, wouldn't such a hypothetical race-baiter be welcomed into the garage with confetti and cupcakes?)

Knowing NASCAR as we do now,

Superficially.

it must be surmised that more than a few white men involved in the sport have been witness to, or know of people who engage in that backwoods country affair called dogfighting. They must still know where to get the best illegally distilled moonshine in the Southern counties in which they live. They probably know some local farmer who is an inch from bankruptcy who took to growin' a little chronic to make ends meet; they might have even bought a pound or two for them and their homeboys. They more than likely know where the meth labs are in those dense country road forests. They still know somebody who shot somebody in the midst of an argument. Hell, they might have, in anger or in a drunken rage of a stupor, pulled a rifle or pistol on a friend themselves.

Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa. Turn this one around. If anybody started saying, "it must be surmised that more than a few black men involved in the NBA have been witness to ... " and then unfurled a list of clichés like this, they'd be eviscerated. Slagging a sport because of stereotypes about its base? Not fighting fair, not at all. That's like saying Obama is evil because of his connections to William Ayers, or McCain is responsible for the idiots that shout "kill him" about Obama.

Oh, and from a Falcons fan, two words: Michael Vick.

Surely if their fists fly so readily in front of cameras telecasting the incidents potentially to every home in America, they have done worse in private.

"When did you stop beating your wife, Senator?"

But I bet their local law enforcement officials let them off the hook with a wink and a nod and a pat on the back and a nice piece of NASCAR memorabilia.

You know, the whole South isn't like Smokey & The Bandit. We do have indoor plumbing. And there's rumors about some "eye-pods" showing up ‘round these parts someday ...

To get to the brass tacks of the situation, these white boys are running crazy all around the country and nobody seems to give a damn.

I dunno...I had one of the best Sundays of my tenure here yesterday as a result. People seem pretty darn interested, but not up in arms, because they know the context.

And when the news of a fight is disseminated to the public, it is reported flatly and often with that same wink and nod given by that local sheriff or deputy.

Links would have been invaluable here.

Imagine if a black athlete was teed off to the point of fighting for what ticked off Carl Edwards; he took exception to being portrayed as a "pansy" by Harvick. We all know what the pundits at ESPN would say. We all know what every columnist around the country would write.

I don't disagree with this part one bit. The old-white-boy tut-tutting of black behavior is rampant. But this article is doing the exact same thing here -- snap judgments, jumping to conclusions, connecting dots that don't connect in order to fit a larger agenda.

These men need year-long suspensions from racing. They need to be automatically dropped from their racing teams. They need mandatory anger management classes. There needs to be a local law enforcement presence in every garage and all around the the pits and assault charges need to be pressed with each incident of a physical altercation.

The repeat offenders among these men need to spend some time in jail or prison and need to be banned for life from NASCAR.

Again, substitute "MLB," "NFL," or "NBA" for "NASCAR" and see how well these same paragraphs would be received.

Because if they are not punished as are black athletes, it means racism is alive and well and acted out in our faces each and every day in the world of sports; acted out in the garages and the halls of Brian France's office; acted out on the courts and fields and in the offices of the commissioners of every major sports; acted out in the editorial offices of every editor and producer of sports news content in every corner of America.

That can't be true -- can it?

Again, there are so many issues conflated here at once that the real ones -- racism in NASCAR, racism in the media -- get completely buried under some kind of everybody's-in-it-together conspiracy theory. There is good discussion to be had about NASCAR and race, but coming at it from a presumption of guilt isn't the way to go.

After the jump, Jimmie Johnson and Kasey Kahne plot a little strategery, as W would say.

dai_kun:
KK: "No, seriously, man. When you apply that whole '9=8' thing to racing and do out the math, it ends up meaning that my car is actually in eighth place, not 14th. So I'm technically still in the Chase. Dude, I have the work..."
JJ: "Very funny, Kase. Now give me back my keys, or else I kick you in your square root."

Joshua:
After discussing the weather and the stock market, Jimmie Johnson and Kasey Kahne are left with nothing but awkward silence and wry smiles.

As we progress through the Chase for the Sprint Cup, we offer our thoughts on who's up, who's down, and whose Cup chances are roadkill. With five races in the books, we have decided ... absolutely nothing.

Where we stand: Jimmie Johnson remains atop the standings, and Denny Hamlin's still at the bottom. Oh, and a bunch of guys stay the same in the middle of the Chase sandwich. So basically, it's only the toppings that shifted. Your current running order: Johnson, Jeff Burton, Greg Biffle, Carl Edwards, Clint Bowyer, Kevin Harvick, Tony Stewart, Jeff Gordon, Kyle Busch, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Matt Kenseth, and Hamlin.

Movin' on up: What the -- ? Who the -- ? Jeff Burton? Where the hell'd he come from? The Senator made a huge charge with his win yesterday, putting himself firmly in contention for the Chase and demonstrating that this thing is far from over. Further on down the line, Kyle Busch finally started racing like we all knew he could and jumped up to ninth position, but by now nobody's paying attention anymore.

Bottoming out: Carl Edwards' early failures put a serious hurting on his Cup chances, dropping him down to fourth place and behind three strong-running drivers. Matt Kenseth also fell two spots, but like with Kyle, nobody much cares anymore.

Outlook: Burton and Biffle are right on Johnson's tail, relatively speaking, and Johnson ought to be extremely concerned by the fact that he hasn't had a serious blowout / wreck / misfire in months. By the law of averages, he's due. And the farther we get into the Chase, the less time anybody has to recover. Should be an interesting stretch run, particularly if Johnson stumbles even slightly.

You know the drill. Bring the funny, the witty, the outraged. If this is your first visit to the Marbles, welcome. Click that top banner there to see more of what's happening on-site, and bookmark www.fromthemarbles.com for more NASCAR goodness every bloomin' day of the week. Enjoy the race!

Good rule of thumb: if your opponent's sunglasses are still perched atop his head, you're not trying hard enough.

After the jump, more fight photos. Captioning possibilities are endless!

"Kevin, I'm worried about you. Is that duck a l'Orange sitting okay in your stomach?"

Harvick smash puny Edwards!

Do we have a judge's decision on a winner? Make the call!

Oh, and after the jump, another anti-Rusty Wallace piece. Poor Rusty. Ain't there any love for him around here?

This one courtesy of Carol:

Scene: Talladega, moments after the Big One II. Everyone has spun to a stop, and smoke drifts across the carcasses of wrecked cars.

Carl Edwards: Whew. Huh. That move didn't turn out quite so well, huh?

Voice from back seat: I should say not.

Carl Edwards: Who...?

[Kevin Harvick pops up from the back seat.]

Carl Edwards: Happy? What're you doing back there?

Kevin Harvick: Everything started spinning ... I got ejected from my seat ... and I ended up in the back seat of the 99 car! Wow, what a ride!

Carl Edwards: Gee, I'm sorry about that, Kevin. You okay?

Kevin Harvick: Couldn't be better. Brought back some good memories! I haven't been thrown around in a back seat like that since that time I dated that - hey, are our mikes still live?

Carl Edwards: Probably so. Hey, let's head on back to the garage and get us a couple ice cream sandwiches, what do you say?

Kevin Harvick: I'd say you've been reading my mi--

Voice in headphones: Edwards! Harvick!

Both simultaneously: Mike Helton!

Mike Helton: To the NASCAR trailer. Immediately.

[Ten minutes later.]

Carl Edwards (near tears): ...so sorry, boss. Really, I was just trying to have a little fun out there. Never meant to wreck anybody's Cup chances.

Kevin Harvick: Guys, could you take it easy on Carl? I know he feels just awful, and my heart's breaking seeing him all tore up like this.

Mike Helton: You two noodniks wouldn't know a promotional opportunity if it bit you on the ass.

Kevin Harvick: Sure I would. Shell's got a "Take a bite out of high gas prices" coming up, and in the commercial, this red-and-yellow painted dog jumps up and chomps on my-

Mike Helton: Shut up.

Kevin Harvick: Shutting up, sir.

Mike Helton: Look, you two have got the chance here to give your public image a boost. You need to get a little fight going.

Carl Edwards: A fight? That seems a little, I don't know ... extreme. What will our sponsors think?

Mike Helton: An excellent question, and I'm proud of you for thinking that way. But the sponsors will love it. Here's what we're going to do. Kevin, you're going to go out right now and criticize Carl on camera.

Kevin Harvick: No hard feelings, okay, Carl?

Carl Edwards: Why would there be, Kevin?

Kevin Harvick: Wonderful to hear it. So what should I say?

Mike Helton: Well, I'd call him a [expletive], myself.

Kevin Harvick: Whoa!

Carl Edwards: That seems a bit excessive.

Mike Helton: You want excessive, you [expletive]ing [expletive]? I'll give you a [expletive]ing [expletive], you [expletive]! You just be glad I don't [expletive] [expletive] your [expletive] and shove it in your [expletive]ing [expletive], then tear out your [expletive]ing [expletive] and serve it to you on toast! Now get the [expletive] out there, Harvick, and make it [expletive]ing good!

[Ten minutes later, Harvick calls Edwards a "pansy."]

Mike Helton: Oh, for heaven's sake ... come here, Edwards.

Carl Edwards: Sir? That word was uncalled for, wasn't it?

Mike Helton: Shut up. Write Harvick a note. We'll leak it to the press. And make sure you use plenty of good language, like [expletive], [expletive], [expletive], and especially [expletive].

[Edwards writes the note and hands it to Helton.]

Carl Edwards: Oh, wait - one more thing. [He reaches for the note back, writes something else, seals it up, and hands it back.]

Mike Helton: What did you just write?

Carl Edwards: Nothing.

Mike Helton: You didn't write, "Love, Carl," did you?

Carl Edwards: ...no.

Mike Helton: You guys are hopeless. All right, look, here's what we're going to do on Thursday ...

[Flash forward to Thursday. A scuffle begins between Harvick and Edwards. As the cameras draw close, their voices can be heard echoing above the din of the garage...]

Kevin Harvick: This punch brought to you by Shell!

Carl Edwards: This dodge brought to you by, uh - Ford!

Mike Helton (watching from a distance, steepling his fingers Mr. Burns-style): Excellent.

Clad in a gray skull cap, a white track jacket and oversized sunglasses, a large pendant stamped with the word “love” hanging around his neck, the 25-year-old former Formula One driver appears very much in his element. This is, after all, a guy who looks more like a visiting artist than a racecar driver, who signs his autograph as a pair of superimposed dollar signs, whose personal style runs the gamut from flamboyant to outrageous.

And it was going to be so good, until the rains came, wiping out qualifying and leaving Speed and the #84 car back on the hauler (above) until next weekend at Martinsville. Speed apparently learned from watching other open-wheelers flail at their first season in Sprint Cup, and has taken a much more deliberate path. It's one that's likely to pay off eventually, but is Speed ready to run with the big dogs yet?

“Not yet,” says Jeff Gordon. “I haven’t seen enough from Joey Logano either, and he’s won Nationwide races. Not taking anything away from those guys, but you’re asking me a question I can’t really answer until I see them in a Cup car in a race. Certainly guys like that have been very impressive in other series. I love the Truck Series, love to watch it. But to compete at the Cup level, you’ve got to run in the Nationwide Series consistently, and be competitive consistently in order to make enough of an impression that I think you’re going to be able to hold your own in the Cup Series.”

If Speed drives the way everyone expects him to, he could be NASCAR's next huge star. With a name like that, he's a can't-miss. So Martinsville is going to be one hell of a fun race to watch.

After the jump, Kurt Busch's crew is rather miffed.

Carol:
Small stack of towels: Not enough to stop the bleeding.

Eclair:
"Let's just act casual while we clean up and dispose of the body. Kids don't need to know we ran over Digger."

The deal is for one year, with two more one-year options, standard operating procedure for a government entity that has to recalibrate its budget every year. Blah, blah, blah. My favorite part of the press conference announcing the agreement was this:

Major General Montague Winfield was on hand for the press conference and was asked if the Army had any concerns about the fact that Gene Haas, the owner of Haas Automation, is in jail for tax evasion. Winfield said he sees his partnership with Stewart-Haas Racing as a new beginning for the organization and said "The individual that deals with us is Tony Stewart."

First off, we still have a military official named "Montague Winfield"? Why is that guy not in charge of EVERYTHING? That's, like, old-school military cool! Second, do you think that reporter who asked that question was ordered to go through a Parris Island Full Metal Jacket-style boot camp? I hope so.

Newman is only sponsored for half the season, so Stewart's going to have to line up somebody else -- at least according to Stewart himself:

Newman: We're running a full season, right?
Stewart: Yeah.
Newman: Ok, whew!

My recommendation? Line up MoveOn.org or Air America or somebody completely opposite of the Army. Why not have total sponsor schizophrenia?

First off, LOLDrivers. Your thoughts? Yea or nay? I love 'em, but I imagine there are plenty who can't stand 'em. If there's demand, we'll run more, if not, we'll run 'em as we see fit. Which is seven times a day, minimum.

Next, make sure to go check out Margolis's account of his day flying with Jack Roush. Lucky bastard -- er, I mean, it's a well-written account of the life of a NASCAR owner. Good stuff.

And now I turn the site over to you guys for some mirth, merriment, and assorted innuendo and such. If you're one of those lurker types, speak up and say howdy. The Marbleheads are a welcoming bunch ... and if they're not, it's more photos like this one. The threat is in the air.

After the jump, a couple anti-Rusty Wallace workups. Seeya!

Courtesy of hugsx5 and Miss Priss:

The incident started in the garage beside Harvick's No. 33 Chevrolet when Edwards walked over from his area, located two spaces down, to talk to Harvick, witnesses said.

After heated words were exchanged, the witnesses said, Harvick appeared to turn away from Edwards, who then reached for Harvick's shoulder, as if to turn him back around. Harvick responded by shoving Edwards, who landed on the No. 33 Chevrolet, denting the right-front section of the hood.

People who saw the altercation, including the driver of Harvick's motorcoach, Jeff Smith, jumped in to separate Edwards and Harvick, the witnesses said. At one point, Smith had Edwards in a headlock, the witnesses said, but no punches were apparently exchanged between the drivers.

Headlock! Awesome! I hope Harvick leaped off the hood of his car and dropped an Atomic Elbow on Carl's head! Apparently some photos were taken of the incident, but they haven't hit the web yet. When they do, though, you know where to find 'em. (UPDATE: Here they are.)

Apparently the incident stemmed from last weekend's Big One II, when Edwards caused a monster pileup at the end of the race that took out Harvick. In television interviews afterward, Harvick called Edwards a "pansy." Edwards responded by leaving a note that read, "Kevin, Thanks for (expletive) me on TV - I was really trying to screw up everyone's day. Love, Carl."

Jeez, Carl. A note? Signed "Love, Carl"? Why didn't you just post to his friggin' Facebook page if you were going to go that route? Come on, man! You go and beat 29's tail, then stand on him like you've got a little Captain in you! Sheesh. Drivers today.

Kasey Kahne! Kasey Kahne! Say it with me, Kasey Kahne! After a big win at the All-Star race and another at the Coca-Cola 600, it certainly looked like Kasey was headed straight for a Kyle Busch challenge! Sitting in seventh place with only five races to go, he was a lock for the Chase, and then ...

... oh, right. Awkward.

Anyway, Tony Stewart was about to win -- no, I'm not going to run any more photos of Tony in the yellow suit; I think we've all had enough of that for the year -- when he blew a tire and Kasey put himself in position to win.

Kyle Busch placed well, and Matt Kenseth hauled himself up from 20th in the standings in what was the start of a run that would put him in the Chase. Overall, a solid but unspectacular race. We can expect that everybody's going to be going flat-out this weekend in an attempt to rein in Jimmie Johnson.

And Charlotte's historically given Johnson trouble. In 14 starts, he's only won five times and only nailed down a top-10 finish 11 times. That, to me, screams vulnerability!

One of the more interesting events took place last night at the Brickyard Tavern in nearby Davidson, where a bunch of drivers led by Tony Stewart got locked up in jail for charity. It was a good cause -- The Brienne Davis Foundation -- and I'm certainly thinking it raised plenty of cash.

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find any accounts of the event, but I'm going to assume that Tony got locked up, and I'm also going to assume that Regan Smith got himself locked up beside Tony. And that, friends, is when things turned ugly. Late that night, they found Tony, weeping in one corner and painted with line after yellow line.

I wish I could tell you that Tony fought the good fight, and Regan Smith let him be. I wish I could tell you that, but prison is no fairy-tale world. He never said who did it, but we all knew. Things went on like that for awhile -- prison life consists of routine, and then more routine. Every so often, Tony would show up with fresh bruises. Regan Smith kept at him -- sometimes he was able to fight him off, sometimes not. And that's how it went for Tony. That was his routine. I do believe those first two years were the worst for him, and I also believe that if things had gone on that way, the Brickyard Tavern would have got the best of him.

Hat tip to Stephen King, Morgan Freeman, and Bill Simmons, and also to Kim for finding the story! Oh, and those of you griping about the Rusty Wallace photo in the last post ... this one better?

You don't see this in other sports -- there aren't any calls for baseball to return to the deadball era, hockey and football to stop using such technologically sophisticated helmets, or basketball to go back to shorty-shorts. But in NASCAR, there's a vocal contingent that always thinks things were better back when. (By that rationale, will NASCAR fans in 2028 be pining for the good ol' days when Kyle Busch, Carl Edwards and President Johnson were going toe-to-toe?)

The always-enjoyable David Poole takes on this very subject in his latest column. He's heard the frustration of NASCAR fans at the direction they feel the sport has taken, and he says it could get worse before it gets better:

NASCAR isn't going to have it easy for the next 18 months or so. The economic issues that are being felt by virtually every industry and every household in our country isn't going to spare stock-car racing.

Attendance has been down at some of the tracks where the Sprint Cup circuit has been this year. Tracks are having to work as hard as they have in a long time to sell tickets and that will get worse before it gets better.

The fact is some of the people who buy tickets to attend a track's races year after year are getting their renewals for next year right now, and some of them are going to decide they can't afford that expense next year.

Some of the tickets that were bought but went unused this year might not be bought in the first place next year, and tracks are going to have to deal with that.

Still, he's fundamentally optimistic about the sport. He also makes an interesting point:

But if you've been a NASCAR fan for 30 years, please allow me to ask you to consider something. Which do you think has changed more? NASCAR? Or you?

It's a serious question. Let's say you're a 50-year-old man. In 1978 you were 20 years old. When you went to a NASCAR race, do you think you acted a little differently than you would at a race today?

Fans tell me they don't go to as many races as they did 30 years ago. Well, they also probably don't go out dancing as often as they did when they were 30 years younger.

NASCAR won't stop changing. And hopefully, neither will its fans. To paraphrase Chris Rock, you don't want to be the last old guy at the NASCAR race screamin' about how it used to be better back when.

After the jump, Regan Smith appeals to a higher power.

Beer Is My Anti Drug:
It's no wonder Smoke's always getting in trouble.....look at that buffet they got in there!

hugsx5:
Feeling that it is in Smith's best interest to go with the band-aid approach, NASCAR officials call him into the inner realm to reveal to him that in addition to his losing first win, there is no Santa Claus, Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy.

razz:
"Not to get you off your game or anything, but some people go in here as Cup drivers and come out as front tire carriers."

And two observant entries that came in within two minutes of each other:

Big-14-fan:
Despite finding out that below the yellow line is out of bounds and losing the race. Smith again crosses below the yellow line just to lose the argument that he lost the race.

Spiderbandit88:
Kid, now you're above, below and right in the middle of all the damn yellow lines. Can't you just take a break!?

Hey, back with the Marbles Fantasy League update! Been a couple weeks since we did this, so let's make sure to highlight our weekly winners from the past couple weeks. From last week:

League 1: Twinkle's Chasers, War Pigs, The Boondocks, Smoke & Cheeseburgers (woo-hoo!), 18Winsitall, and Bakersfield Blowouts ALL won the week with 331 points.
League 2: Mangopants, 357 points
League 3: Crazy Doors XI, 346 points

And from this past week:

League 1: Cookeville Engineers, 324 points
League 2: San Salvador Racing, 277 points
League 3: Noobies, 266 points (a weekly winner in the first race of the year)

We're running short on time, but you've still got the chance to get on board and get your name in lights, thanks to the third league we've got going. Join up with the third league by clicking here. When you go to sign up, enter the following info:

League Name: From the Marbles League 3
League ID#: 41663
League Password: marbles

The Marbles fantasy league. Where The Big One will always collect whichever driver you picked.

New York City. NASCAR has salivated over the New York market for years, and it appears things are on track to get a track sited on Staten Island. If it comes to pass, and if the monstrous transportation scheme attached to it actually works -- two huge if's -- the New York City track could propel NASCAR forward on its next leap up in popularity. New Yorkers would be fascinated by cars that can go more than a block at a time, can top 50 miles an hour, and don't charge you five bucks to go between Starbucks.

And speaking of Starbucks, the other big spot on NASCAR's wish list is Washington State, home of coffee companies, rain, and desperate bands still hoping grunge is going to make a comeback. There's a lot of talk about putting a new track in the Pacific Northwest, and such a move would make a lot of sense, from a new-fans standpoint. As everyone who's ever been to a race can attest, all it takes is one trip to the track to hook you. Possible drawback: since it rains in Washington 383 days a year, track conditions could get a mite tricky.

So now it's your turn. What do you think of these possibilities? Got others in mind? Best answer gets a $129 million grant from the government, so get cracking! (Grant-winning comment must be submitted by October 6.)

And hey, if you're one of those types that thinks NASCAR has gone to hell in a handbasket ever since they started racing on that newfangled concrete, by all means, chime in. Do we need a new dirt track in Dothan? A new road track in Vicksburg? A beach race in Charleston? (Actually, all three of those sound pretty cool.) Have your say.

(Aside: that photo there is of the world's largest earth-mover. It's over in Germany, and it's so big you can see it on satellite maps. Check here for more info on it ... and tell me you couldn't have used that thing for trenching the hell out of your principal's lawn back in high school.)

After the jump, Martin Truex Jr. has some 'splainin' to do.

BWeezy gets topical:
Aww, man...I just know the in-car camera is gonna show me texting right before I wrecked...

Gator returns:
Never let the valet park your car.

Vaffanculo has some serious heat (go check the rest out):
...and when I count to three and turn around, the car will be fixed. One...Two...Th

and lumpy2497 starts a country song:
Thinking to himself - My car's broke, my boss is &%^$ed at me now for breaking the car, and my dog.... hey - where's my dog?

We ran the names of some younger drivers through the engine, and you'd be surprised at what we found:

• Carl Edwards was apparently an old white dude selling realty in Ontario for a company named Bowes & Cocks. I find no humor in any of that whatsoever.

• Denny Hamlin was looking forward to his rookie season running Late Models at the Southside Speedway in Richmond.

• Clint Bowyer (pictured there at right) was winning all kinds of low-level races.

• Tony Stewart's biggest fan apparently had a falling out with Smoke, and packed up his website and went home.

• A ten-year-old pup named Joey Logano was running the table against other fifth-graders in go-kart racing.

• And in the best find of the bunch: a 15-year-old kid got busted in Vegas for racing underage with an altered birth certificate. That kid's name? Kyle Busch. Man, do I love the Internet!

That's from the second Big One. Check out the No. 48 there. Jimmie Johnson is right in the middle of this wreck -- which would eventually claim every single other car in this picture -- and yet he escapes without a single scratch. Coincidence? I think not.

I've decided -- this is the greatest conspiracy ever! Better than the faked moon landing! Better than the one where a stone-cold Delta Force killing machine dresses up as a soccer mom and wins the vice presidency! (Oh, wait. That one hasn't been revealed yet.) Anyway, can you imagine how long it must've taken to plan that wreck to go just that way?

All right, you're up. Have your way with the site. Discuss what you like, but answer me this -- is it me, or do you see the Baby Jesus riding there in the back of the 48 car?

MHqltyE&hl=en&fs=1"MHqltyE&hl=en&fs=1"MHqltyE&hl=en&fs=1"

Or the Vickers one that collected plenty of our favorite drivers:

So? Which Big One was the Bigger One? My vote's on the Edwards one, but I now turn it over to you. Go!

Where we stand: Talladega did as expected, walloping the hell out of the field. The Big 'Uns took out just about every single driver except Jimmie Johnson, Tony Stewart, Jeff Burton, and Clint Bowyer. Your current rankings: Johnson, Carl Edwards, Greg Biffle, Burton, Bowyer, Kevin Harvick, Stewart, Jeff Gordon, Matt Kenseth, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Kyle Busch, and Denny Hamlin.

Movin' on up: Tony Stewart worked his way up four spots to No. 7. He's talking like he's got a chance at this thing, and maybe he does, but everybody sure needed Johnson to take a few laps off this week, and he didn't. Keep an eye on Bowyer, who's also making a bit of a run here at the end.

Bottoming out: Hamlin and Busch are dueling in the Battle of the Bottom-Feeding JGR All-Stars, with Hamlin claiming the lead (tail?) with his wreck on Sunday. Gordon and Junior also pretty much killed the last of their title hopes dead with their subpar Sundays.

What's ahead: A tough road for anybody trying to catch Johnson. Jimbot 5000 has extended his lead over his nearest competitors to more than 70 points. Certainly, that can vanish in an instant if Johnson gets caught up in a wreck early Saturday night, but the way Johnson's season is going, don't bet against Johnson just floating up over any wreck ahead of him.

After the jump, Carl Edwards reports to the dance floor.

Reds24 and cleusrhan:
Aflac Crewman in the back: "Carl, your mom's comin! Put 3 bible spaces between you two!!"

razz:
Realizing that asking Maurice to just beat on a tin can to help with his timing is to no avail, Carl reluctantly clod hops on into the night.

Water Dog:
"Is this my Groove-thing? Is it shakin'?"

The item:

The price: $49.99 at Amazon.com.

The deal: Hey there, rabid NASCAR fan! We know you love NASCAR so much you'll buy anything we dangle in front of you! So we're going to shove all kinds of NASCAR crap we've got laying around here down your pie hole, and you're gonna love it! Love it, we say!

Sheesh. I'm all for a pretty basket -- I am a fancy man, after all, and value the finer things in life -- but this here is just silly. Judging from the description, this literally is the equivalent of rummaging through the back of your pantry on the way to a party and bringing your host a half-eaten box of crackers and a couple of warm bottles of Zima. Check the description, taken straight from the web page:

12 Pack Ice Chest/Cooler NASCAR Themed Pistachios Cooler Cup (to keep drinks cold) Hot Tamales Racing Themed Candies A History of Stock Car Racing - 350 page book of information about racing Tomato Basil Crackers Wolfe's Deluxe Party and Snack Mix Longhorn Cheese

Okay, first off, I didn't even know you could race Tomato Basil Crackers, much less that they're worthy of a 350-page book. It is good to learn that the Pistachios Cooler Cup's purpose is to keep drinks cold; I might have just used it to store dryer lint.

And you know what? Since I'm feeling inclusive, I'll let you guys tee off on the promo text:

"And the Race is On" to answer the door when the NASCAR Lovers gift basket arrives bursting at the seams with gifts of fun and good taste for the NASCAR lover! A History book of stock car racing will entertain your NASCAR aficionado when he can't bet at the races, and the goodies will treat him as he reads. Send the NASCAR Lovers gift basket to your favorite racing fan.

Wow. The cheese ain't confined to the basket, apparently.

Got a NASCAR-themed nightmare we need to show the world? Send it to nascarmarbles@yahoo.com and we'll work it into the rotation.

(Tip to all you budding YouTube video jocks out there: it's called editing. Give us the last turn, not the ten minutes leading up to it. Sheesh.)

Anyway, I'm totally in the bag for Tony, so I'm not the most impartial dude around. But I say there was a grand conspiracy to get Regan Smith to dive below the yellow line and create talk of a grand conspiracy. That's what I think. You?

Tune in to watch the race, and fire up your laptop right here to chat along as it happens. Your defending champion is Jeff Gordon, but you know we've got to root for Ricky Bobby any time Talladega comes around. Go!

Great news for those of you sick of all the Kyle coverage of late around these parts. Also great news for those of you sick of all the Tony, Jeff, Dale, Jimmie, et. al. coverage. In fact, great news for anybody that's sick of The Marbles. (What? Who could be sick of the witty repartee, political insight, and thinly-veiled innuendo around here?) We're taking a "personal day" today, which sadly is not a euphemism for "we're bailing early to hit the golf course and start drinking before noon." No, it's the couch and TiVo'ed episodes of Sons of Anarchy and It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia all day long, folks.

Feel free to run wild in the comments section. Throw up links to your favorite Marbles posts, throw up links to favorite other posts, heck, even go visit another site. We won't consider it cheating if it's only one time. (That's the rule, right?) The usual race open thread this weekend, then back at full strength on Monday. Have a good one, and watch out for hordes of moose. (Meese?)

As you've no doubt heard, the U.S. Senate has passed its own version of the bailout bill that flopped so spectacularly in the House earlier this week. Now, the prudent thing to do in such a situation would be to take a close look at why the bill failed, strip it down, streamline it, and calm everyone's fears by making sure it does exactly what it promises to do.

This being Congress we're talking about, though, they naturally did the exact opposite. The Senate larded down (or, as they like to term it, "sweetened") the bill with tax breaks, benefits, grants, loans, and kissy-face promises to pretty much every opportunistic Senator and grasping special interest out there. Business as usual.

Which is where NASCAR comes in. Now, buried way way down in the bill is this particular little tidbit:

SEC. 317. SEVEN-YEAR COST RECOVERY PERIOD FOR MOTORSPORTS RACING TRACK
FACILITY.
    (a) In General.--Subparagraph (D) of section 168(i)(15) (relating to
termination) is amended by striking ``December 31, 2007'' and inserting
``December 31, 2009''.
    (b) Effective Date.--The amendment made by this section shall apply
to property placed in service after December 31, 2007.

What this refers to is a method of depreciation for race tracks that's a handy little tax break. First introduced in a 2004 amendment to 1986 legislation, this tax break is available for "a racing track facility that is permanently situated on land and which during the applicable period is scheduled to host one or more racing events for automobiles (of any type), trucks, or motorcycles that are open to the public for the price of admission." Basically, any place that's a notch over racing in your backyard.

The reason this provision in the Senate bill is significant is because the depreciation element ran out at the end of last year. With this extension, that gives tracks under development -- including the crown jewel of future tracks, the one in New York City -- an extra couple years to get their act together and get up and running.

So, yeah, for NASCAR, it's a nice little perk, but in the grand scheme of things, couldn't this have waited a bit? Did the Senate really need to load down the most important legislation of the decade with the usual self-serving crapola? (Yes, I know the answer. Still, it never hurts to keep asking the questions.) Oh, and it's not like NASCAR is the only beneficiary; movie and TV projects would receive a tax break double that of the race tracks, and restaurants, rum makers, and toy-arrow manufacturers also get their share of the porkapalooza. Your tax dollars at work, friends.

Of course, if this bailout bill does help us get a new NASCAR track faster, we'll all be happy and satisfied, secure in the knowledge that both race cars and Congress will continue to go 'round in circles. (Oooh! Poetic!)

Thanks to NASCAR Editor Jay Hart for help with the research, and thanks to Jay Hart's mom for the initial tip.

Logano apparently though that the goal of racing in the 96 car was to end the year with his places actually adding up to 96, and since he started so late, he had to make up ground fast: a 32nd at New Hampshire and a 39th at Kansas. A shame, really; all he had to do was finish 25th or worse and he would've won the prize.

So now Logano will stick with JGR and hand the 96 over to Ken Schrader. (Aside: is Ken Schrader not the ultimate NASCAR handyman? "Ken, we need you to drive our car." "Ken, we need you to do color commentary for a Japanese network." "Ken, we need you to help route the cars into the parking lot." "Ken, we need you to sell cotton candy and pickle dogs over at Concourse C." And he'll do it! Ken Schrader, NASCAR MVP.)

Where were we? Oh, right, Logano. So he's got at least one more Sprint Cup race in his future, Atlanta at the end of the month. Which is absolutely perfect preparation for taking over one of the most heralded cars in recent NASCAR history.

2009's gonna be awesome.

After the jump, Kyle Busch is going all The Unit on us.

mifan:
With gun pointed down he is risking shooting himself in the foot in two sports!

The Layt Show with the movie-reference trifecta:

-"I love the smell of gasoline in the morning."

-"I'm the dude playin' the dude disguised as a professional racecar driver."

-Inflatable barrier: "Private Kyle, how tall are you?"
Busch: "Sir, five-foot-seven, sir!!!!"
Inflatable barrier: "Five-foot-seven? I didn't know they stacked piles of **** that high."

Vaffanculo breaks out the opera:
Paint da Wabbit. Paint da Wabbit. Paint da Wabbit.

patriotsrage311 sees no horns on Mr. Busch:
Only two things come from behind the Texas MS pylon...

The BWeezy:
"This is my rifle. Just like my car, there are many like it but this one is mine. My rifle and my car are my best friends. they are my life. I must master them as I must master my life. Without me, my rifle and car are useless. Without my rifle and car, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true, drive my car straight(except in the turns). I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I must drive faster than my enemy, who is trying to beat me. I must put him into the wall before he outs me into the wall. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my rifle, my car and myself are defenders of my country and sponsors, we are the masters of my enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen."

Latest to (possibly) join the strap-on-the-Depends-mama-I'm-goin'-back-in brigade is Rusty Wallace, who's considering a return to racing -- at least according to his little brother Kenny. In a post over at SpeedTV.com, Kenny wrote:

He’s considering this huge move because he watched Brett Favre come out of retirement in the NFL and his good friend Mark Martin is giving it another shot next year at Hendrick. If Mark had quit, Rusty would have been comfortable with his retirement. But watching Mark, who is a couple of years younger than my brother, stage this comeback has really tugged on Rusty’s heartstrings.

Not so fast, ya young whippersnapper. Rusty was quick to deny the possibility:

I love Kenny to death. He’s been trying to get me back in a car ever since I retired after 2005. While any rumors like this are certainly flattering, they’re untrue. I have a long-term commitment to ABC and ESPN, and I really love what I’m doing right now.

And no offense to the esteemed Mr. Wallace, but let's all thank heaven for that. When's that Seniors Tour coming online, anyway?

Ryan Newman, whom Wallace slagged earlier this season, was unavailable for comment. Well, actually, he had plenty of comments, but except for the words "Rusty," "Wallace," and -- for some reason -- "permutation," the words were all unsuitable for publication on a family website.

After the jump, some more of the Busch family files.

This is starting to get a little borderline-creepy, but by all means, keep sending those photos. If anybody's got a shot of Joey Logano in utero -- which would have been, what, right around the time Lost started, right? -- by all means, send it in.

Ten minutes later, the helicopter came back to take Kyle Busch's third wrecked car and bury it in a Kansas wheatfield.

After the jump, Tony Stewart gets a friendly sendoff.

TheBWeezy:
Tony: "Eff you, eff you, eff you, you're cool, eff you...I'm out!!"

Eclair:
Smoke: "I'll be sure to pull the seat all the way forward for Joey."

The price: