From the Marbles - NASCAR

From the Marbles

Mon Jun 09, 2008 1:53 pm EDT

Which NASCAR driver could you take in a fight?

By Jay Busbee

Fighting's all the rage these days, what with Kimbo Slice and MMA dominating the headlines and sending nervous over-40 types into fits of "what's happened to this country's sports?" So let's see what we can do to lower the bar over here in NASCARland, shall we?

Yes, it's the work week, but there's always time for a good 1am sports bar conversation. Today's topic: which NASCAR driver do you think you could beat up?

Here's the scene. You're sitting in your local pub, and you're mouthing off about how bad Kyle/Junior/Jeff Gordon sucks. (You know, just like you were commenting on The Marbles.) Lo and behold, who happens to hear you but the source of your scorn himself! He challenges you to a fight, right then and there among the cheese sticks and onion rings. And suddenly, you start to think that staying home and hiding behind an anonymous screen name wasn't such a bad idea after all ...

Anyway. If you had to choose your opponent, who would it be? And, of course, feel free to describe how it would go down in the comments section. Ready ... fight!

Which NASCAR driver could you beat up?

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60 Comments

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  1. baller13zg
    1. Posted by baller13zg Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:58 pm EDT

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    Probably none of them, but HurriKahne is probably the most likely. Maybe Jeff Gordon.
  2. Carol
    2. Posted by Carol Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:19 pm EDT

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    Aw, Baller, Kasey never did nothin' to nobody. Why don'tcha take on someone worth beating ujp? I voted for Kyle, I'd love to take a swipe at him!
  3. kinggeorge
    3. Posted by kinggeorge Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:21 pm EDT

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    Hopefully it would be Jeffie given me some lip. I could knock some sense into him and send him back home with the Baroness where he belongs, before she takes the other half of everything he used to own.
  4. Joe
    4. Posted by Joe Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:11 pm EDT

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    I think I could take Jeff Gordon in a girl fight. I'm not sure if I could fight the Baroness though. She's a bit manly in some pictures.
    And who really wants to fight Jeff Burton anyways? Still, I bet he could take on anyone because no one suspects him...
  5. hugsx5
    5. Posted by hugsx5 Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:31 pm EDT

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    Are we talking fisticuffs, or sissy fight?
  6. baller13zg
    6. Posted by baller13zg Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:58 pm EDT

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    Hey, I don't have a desire to fight any of these guys. But I think I *could* take HurriKahne in a fight. Not that I would want to.
  7. Jay Busbee
    7. Posted by Jay Busbee Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:33 pm EDT

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    This might be my stupidest idea ever for a post. But what the hell, let's see where it goes.
  8. Nixiechick
    8. Posted by Nixiechick Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:39 pm EDT

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    If I fought dirty, I could probably take Kasey. I'd have to blind him by squirting drink box in his eyes, and then get in a few good girl slaps to his face, and then run away, but that would still make me the winner, right?
  9. hugsx5
    9. Posted by hugsx5 Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:31 pm EDT

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    There is no such thing as a stupped post, only a stupped post-er, or something like that.
  10. hugsx5
    10. Posted by hugsx5 Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:31 pm EDT

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    No one thinks they can beat Burton? Man, he is gonna be impossible to live with in the garage area!
  11. Honey Bunny
    11. Posted by Honey Bunny Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:27 pm EDT

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    #10 - Hugsx5, I think people are reading this as "who they WANT to beat up" and not as its intended meaning of "which NASCAR driver COULD you beat up".
  12. zitdog
    12. Posted by zitdog Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:43 pm EDT

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    you guys superglued my hoof thats why i couldnt win!!!!
  13. Willy Doer
    13. Posted by Willy Doer Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:29 pm EDT

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    90% of em' are horse jockey sized so all you gotta do is hold em' back with your hand on their forehead and watch em' swing till there tired...... Honey Bunny #11....What did you think would happen?
  14. Tammy
    14. Posted by Tammy Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:55 pm EDT

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    #11 - I don't know - I think the Senator might have some fight in him. Remember, he's an aspiring politician, which means he's totally down with fighting dirty.
    I think I could take Kasey Kahne. Jeff Gordon, I don't know - he seems to like leaving his helmet on when he fights, which seems like an unfair advantage. Plus, he strikes me as a hair-puller. (Let's be realistic - with the possible exception of Smoke, and the Senator, these are most likely going to be girl fights.) But dale jr went to military school, so he could probably hold his own in a fight.
  15. kinggeorge
    15. Posted by kinggeorge Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:21 pm EDT

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    Ok HB, I know I could whup the HurriKahne, Gordon, and Jr, he's to much of a pacifist. The D00D maybe, he's kinda wirery. Tony is to chubby to hurt, and Jeff I wouldn't.
  16. Jean M
    16. Posted by Jean M Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:31 pm EDT

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    How long ago was that picture of Tony taken? He looks to be about 15 years old lol
  17. Kim
    17. Posted by Kim Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:53 pm EDT

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    This was a difficult one! I'm sure that I could take out Kasey (just show up with my "older woman" posse and he would run for the hills!), but he's never done anything (unless you include being babyfaced) to make me talk bad about him. Considering how Kyle drives, he may be a good fighter, too. I wouldn't take on Tony Stewart--that would just turn into a battle of sarcasm and would probably be a tie.
  18. Honey Bunny
    18. Posted by Honey Bunny Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:27 pm EDT

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    I could probably b**ch-slap Gordon, Junior and the HurriKahne. Not sure about D00D. He looks taller than me. Not sure I'd have the reach. I'd have to kick him in the nards and then put a knee to his nose (hey, good excuse for a nose job for him). Burton just seems like too good a guy to fight with. We'd have a good ol' shoving match. Smoke??? Um, no. Can't pay me enough to take that fight.
  19. Kim
    19. Posted by Kim Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:53 pm EDT

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    Jean M--I'm going to guess that picture was probably around 2000 or 2001.
  20. packerd_00
    20. Posted by packerd_00 Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:48 pm EDT

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    I voted for Kyle Busch, he's got pencil arms for cripes sake.
  21. Jay Busbee
    21. Posted by Jay Busbee Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:33 pm EDT

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    The pic is from 2000, Daytona I believe, when Robby Gordon (the other driver) went at Tony.
  22. packerd_00
    22. Posted by packerd_00 Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:48 pm EDT

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    nixiechik-Lol! the juice box tactic made me smile.
  23. packerd_00
    23. Posted by packerd_00 Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:48 pm EDT

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    Jay - The head looks alot like Kasey, didnt he used to have a real brillow head back in his early years.
  24. hugsx5
    24. Posted by hugsx5 Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:31 pm EDT

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    It looks like the collar of Tony's uniform is cutting off his air supply. OOO Air Supply...Lost in love and I don't know much....
  25. Nixiechick
    25. Posted by Nixiechick Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:39 pm EDT

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    Hugs - I keep thinking it looks like Tony has the side of his face smushed up against a window. Boy, he was really sporting the chipmunk cheeks back then.

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