Wow, what else is there to be said? That sucked. From the candy-colored streamline parade to JJ's dumb luck, there wasn't much to relish. Yup, it sucked for a multitude of reasons, but the biggest may have to be the death of a unique race. RIP Talladega , welcome to the cookie cutter club.

Ironically, some two-score ago when Talladega premiered, the races pretty much sucked, too. In fact, the drivers actually striked (past tense of "to go on strike," and yes I'm aware that that is not a word) the very first race. They were broadly afraid. I don't blame them on this one. Back then a seatbelt was the roof, and Talladega was the equivalent of taking a toboggan into a luge course. If I had nothing but a t-shirt, a leather football helmet and pack of cigarettes rolled up in my sleeve as my safety devices, I'd soil myself too.

Now? For safety reasons, drivers are also striking, but contrarily, calling for more speed (I'm pretty sure this makes them tougher than their forefathers, just sayin'). They striked (yeah, I'm still aware) to let them race. And whether it was deliberately unionized or not isn't the point; they acted in union. They didn't race for a simple reason: there was no incentive to. Passing at Talladega is now next to impossible without eight or more wheels pushing, NASCAR banished the bump draft (behind only rubbin', the second-coolest evolutionary nuance and tool in the driver arsenal), and Talladega is synonymous with 'DNF, Crash,' making it the Chase's strategic equivalent of a speed walking contest.

I love how NASCAR still defended the race, even in the face of overwhelming opposition. The drivers, the journalists and the fans were (and still are) nearly unanimous in their distaste, yet NASCAR still won't admit the truth and prefers to expostulate the collective perception.

That's right, you didn't see a single-file parade. You saw only five cautions and some 20-plus lead changes in the waning laps. Silly fool, that is excitement!

Whatever. Take your statistics and shove them up your Eastaboga. Your rules castrated the competition and still didn't negate the Big One. Ryan Newman just got a superspeedway lobotomy, and you forced me to listen to Mark Martin exclaim that, in his entire career, he had never been in that position before. Man, he really wasted that Viagra sponsorship.

But I also hold Steve Letarte and Alan Gustafson liable. Sure, the race sucked, but the Chase race sucked even worse. I'm no expert crew chief, but why in the world would you do the opposite of Chad Knaus? The guy has only ruled the Chase strategy for four straight seasons and currently has his driver in position to win an unprecedented fourth straight championship. Yeah, do the opposite of that guy. That makes loads of sense.

Yeah, all the way around, that was a bummer. Oh well, there is still Texas, Phoenix and Homestead.

Awe, hell, on second thought, congratulations JJ.

Related: Mark Martin, Ryan Newman