Rays top initial power rankings
Yahoo! Sports’ first MLB power rankings of 2009 find Tampa Bay in front, if for no other reason than they appear to be the best team in baseball’s best division. It’s about the pitching, which is why the first three look like the first three.
These things change, of course. In that spirit, here they are, one through San Diego:
1. Tampa Bay Rays (97-65) – View so different from top, Maddon forced to change prescription on Clark Kent knockoffs.
2. Boston Red Sox (95-67) – Pedroia begins defense of MVP season by growing dreadlocks, complaining of suffocating Boston fishbowl.
3. New York Yankees (89-73) – Yanks ask Ransom to try to look more like A-Rod; he gives them “deliciously pouty.”
5. Chicago Cubs (97-64) – Cubs claim curse was “so last century,” so get over it.
6. Los Angeles Angels (100-62) – Management tells Vlad it gets joke, he can stop running like Fred Sanford now.
8. Cleveland Indians (81-81) – Hafner tries to adjust project-donkey balance after two down seasons.
9. Los Angeles Dodgers (84-78) – Manny sues vaguely familiar former teammate for copyright infringement.
10. Minnesota Twins (88-75, Previous: NA) – Twins just happy to be warm for one more April.
11. Oakland A’s (75-86) – Billy Beane to be played in Moneyball movie by Brad Pitt, Kevin Youkilis by crazy guy at mall who stands too close and stares.
13. St. Louis Cardinals (86-76) – Now that his elbow is fixed, Pujols named closer.
14. Atlanta Braves (72-90) – GM Frank Wren, wondering where the hell Furcal is, fines shortstop for missing all of camp.
15. Arizona Diamondbacks (82-80) – Diamondbacks getting tired of Byrnes diving into post-game spread, call him out for “false appetite.”
16. Chicago White Sox (89-74) – GM Kenny Williams’ organization strategy discovered in disappearing ink on back of original Declaration of Independence.
17. Toronto Blue Jays (86-76) – Jays take long look at division, announce they’ll take wins in Canadian currency.
18. Florida Marlins (84-77) – Marlins management gets ballpark, conducts fan poll to identify what to whine about next. Ironic winner: Marlins management.
19. Cincinnati Reds (74-88) – Dusty removes toothpick, plunges it into eyeballs.
20. Texas Rangers (79-83) – Annoyed by whole thing, Nolan Ryan kicks crap out of entire pitching staff, starts home opener himself.
22. Detroit Tigers (74-88) – Leyland asks hitters to stride directly toward pitcher, lest anyone by reminded of “other” bailout.
27. Baltimore Orioles (68-93) – Yes, the manager is Trembley. And you would be, too.
28. Pittsburgh Pirates (67-95) – After 16 consecutive losing seasons, Pirates vow to end streak one of these years. You know, very soon, before it gets too crazy and embarrassing.
29. Washington Nationals (59-102) – Nats hit regular-season form, draw fewest fans in spring training.
30. San Diego Padres (63-99) – Moores loses shortstop Greene in marriage dissolution, but grabs beautiful cherry credenza and the crystal wine goblets.